Work Text:
“David? David! You can come out from under the seat now.”
“These people are trying to kill us.”
“Well, I warned you that this section of the Rogers Centre gets a lot of foul ball action.”
“That was terrifying. I suddenly understand how the dinosaurs must have felt, watching that asteroid plummeting towards them through the Earth’s atmosphere, all those millions of years ago.”
“David, I promise you that it’s safe. Look what I’ve got!”
“That’s the same ball that was hurtling towards us a few seconds ago?”
“The very same.”
“Good work, honey. I don’t think my father would have agreed to foot the bill for another nose job at my age.”
“And you told me not to bring my glove today.”
“Only because it’s hideous. Now, if you would’ve let me buy you that limited edition Yves St Laurent baseball glove…”
“David, that glove cost $8,000.”
“I told you, the bank was ready to offer us some very attractive mortgage refinancing options.”
“Hey, take a picture of me with the ball. I want to send it to my parents.”
“Hmm. This is interesting.”
“What’s interesting?”
“Well, apparently, your li’l catch showed up on TV, and people are talking.”
“Sportsnet showed my catch during the broadcast? That’s so cool!”
“And apparently you looked very excited.”
“Well, catching a foul ball is always exciting.”
“Mmm. Ronnie just texted me, ‘Tell Brewer to calm down. It’s a foul ball, not Mookie Betts’ grab up against the wall in Game 7 of the 2020 NLCS.’ Ok, I don’t understand a single word of that, but I don’t think she’s giving you a compliment.”
“Ronnie’s just jealous.”
“Shall I tell her you said that?”
“Oh, my God, David, no.”
“Who names a child ‘Mookie’?”