Chapter Text
Max Jaegermän had been defeated a week ago, life was a lot better for the nerdy prudes of Hatchetfield High in Peter Spankoffski’s opinion. People were nicer to each other, he was making more friends, Grace Chastity was getting herself out there and dating people (who mysteriously went missing for some reason) and he even had an incredible girlfriend who he never thought would notice him in a million years. But if life was so good now, why did he have a forever lurking sense of dread, that something sinister was just around the corner?…
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In the gym of Hatchetfield High, the spirits of five eldritch gods still lingered in human form. The teenagers who had summoned them had been too preoccupied with their sacrifice to send the brothers back home, so here they were, unable to truly leave. Cabin fever was beginning to set in - Wiggly was furious, he truly hated taking a human form, it felt odd to be lacking his tentacles, and he detested having to supervise the actions of his idiotic little brothers. If nothing was done soon, the world would be destroyed from the brothers’ boredom.
It was Blinky who had the idea to go to high school. The brothers were halfheartedly watching a gym class take place when Blinky cupped his hands to his mouth and yelled:
“Oh c’mon, I could do a lot better than that!”
It was a throwaway comment, a joke at most, but since he and his brothers were so bored and had nothing better to do, they actually sat and thought about it. Yes, they could be much better human teenagers than the ones they were watching in the gym - the Lords in Black excelled at anything they attempted (disregarding their failed takeover attempts and Wiggly’s ongoing feud with the concept of a riddle because he refused to be outsmarted by a few words in black ink on a newspaper). So, it was officially decided - the Lords in Black would try being regular teenagers. The poor unsuspecting teenage nerds had no idea what would be hitting them.
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Stephanie Lauter was having a great day. Well, as great as a day can get when you’re an orphan who’s only just getting a passing grade thanks to her super smart boyfriend’s tutelage. But still; it was a pretty decent day - the cafeteria was serving her favourite foods, her least favourite teacher was off sick and she’d completed all of her homework so she could have a lot of free time over the weekend. But of course, that happiness came crashing down when she spotted something weird in the corner of the cafeteria.
As Peter came up to his girlfriend and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, Steph’s eyes narrowed at a booth promoting some sort of club. The design was drawn in felt tip pen, but it wasn’t exactly high art, it was like the artist had never held a pen before. The slogan was also pretty weird, ‘Be My Fwendy-Wend At The Marine Biology Club!’ Like, what did that even mean? What sort of person talks like that? But clarity hit her like a freight train when she caught sight of who was manning the booth.
She hadn’t had the chance to get a look at him during the summoning, she’d only heard his voice, and that would’ve been a clear enough indicator of who this person was since he was loudly (too loudly for a normal conversation) trying to engage anyone who came his way in a conversation about joining his club, but even his appearance was just… otherworldly. He had bright green hair and green eyes that glinted with a combination of malice and glee. He wore a green cardigan with a large ‘W’ stitched onto it (subtle, very subtle) with a crown atop his head (combined with an octopus hat… really) and his backpack was a carbon copy of his illustration in the Black Book - Wiggog Y’rath.
How could he be here? WHY would he be here? He was a god, he had much better things to do with his time than hang around teenagers at a high school. What, was he dying to see the next Nighthawks v. Chemists game? Nothing about this made any logical sense, but then again, the gods rarely did, at least from what Steph had picked up from her light skimming of the Black Book. Making one of her worst decisions to date, Steph decided to go over to the booth, with a highly confused Peter (who had began to realise what was going on) trailing behind her.
When they approached the booth, Wiggly offered the two teens a blinding smile and exclaimed:
“Hello fwendy-wends! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you both, how are things going since me and my brothers took Maxy away? Better? No need to thank us!”
He said ‘no need to thank us’, but he tilted his head in a way that made it clear that he was seeking some form of praise for his ‘good deed’. Taking the hint, both Steph and Peter muttered some halfhearted words of thanks, which pleased the eldritch deity to the point that he started clapping gleefully as he observed:
“I knew teenagers weren’t all rude brats! I’ve been trying to get people to sign up for my club for almost an hour now, but nobody wants to be my fwendy-wend, not even my little brothers.”
This last comment caused a great deal of concern in Steph’s mind. He was talking about his brothers… were they here too? That could mean very bad things for the students of Hatchetfield High, and Hatchetfield as a whole, because these guys were bad news. In sheer terror that was barely disguised under friendly curiosity, Steph asked Wiggly:
“Oh, are the other Lords in Black also students at Hatchetfield High?”
Wiggly nodded happily, as if oblivious to the borderline panic attacks occurring in the minds of the two teens he was addressing, and he confirmed:
“Yes, all of my little brothers are settling in wonderfully at Hatchetfield High, you’ll probably see them milling around throughout the school day if you haven’t already. I know that my brother Tinky - or Terrence as he’s currently calling himself - is very excited to be your new best friend, little Spankoffski.”
Peter gulped nervously, face paling as he resigned himself to a life without peace for the rest of the month, maybe even the year. For some reason Tinky (Terrence apparently) was really fond of the Spankoffski family if his comments during the summoning were anything to go by. Would Peter survive to see his graduation? All he could do was pray to whatever benevolent deity there was out there that he and his loved ones would be as safe as possible. Whilst it seemed like Wiggly and his brothers were just having fun as ‘teenagers’, you could never be too careful with eldritch gods, and Peter didn’t care for his chances in a gamble.
In a desperate bid to get away from the creepy god, Steph squeaked out a fast:
“Bye Wiggly!”
But before they could beat a hasty retreat, Wiggly scowled, his eyes darkening to an ebony colour, fitting of his status as a Lord in Black. With a far too pleasant smile, Wiggly said:
“It’s Will, my name is Will.”
Steph couldn’t help it, her reflex reaction to tension was sarcasm, so she snorted and asked:
“Will? Isn’t that a little too similar to Wiggly? Not very subtle if you ask me.”
Suddenly, Wiggly slammed his fists down on the table, any false smile or pleasantries wiped from his face. Through gritted teeth, he snarled:
“I wasn’t asking you! It’s Will, my name is Will now you stupid little bitch!”
Despite his octopus hat and the childish scrawl on his club banner, he was terrifying, and both Peter and Stephanie knew that they shouldn’t be messing with him. In the name of self-preservation, Peter began steering Stephanie away by the shoulder and stammered to Wiggly as he retreated:
“Right, it’s Will, our good pal Will, I got it.”
The couple left Wiggly’s booth with dread and unease pooling in the pits of their stomachs. In the distance, they could see Grace Chastity being accosted by a redheaded student wearing purple - they wore bedazzled sunglasses and had a menacing aura surrounding them, this was probably Blinky - they couldn’t make out the full conversation but Peter could hear Blinky gleefully crowing:
“My brothers and I have been watching you Gracie, you dirty girl! Nibbly says thank you for all of the yummy treats, he’s been gobbling them all up one by one!”
Peter had no clue what that was about, but it didn’t sound good. He should probably ask Grace what that was about, but he didn’t want to get involved if this wasn’t his problem, he’d had enough dealings with eldritch horrors to last him a lifetime. When Grace’s conversation with Blinky was over, she scurried over to Peter and Steph, seeing them engaged in their own conversation about what they should do next now that they knew they had eldritch classmates.
As if they didn’t already know, Grace said:
“Guys, I think we did something wrong by doing the summoning.”
Now very stressed out and irritated by what was going on, Steph snapped:
“Yeah, no shit Chastity.”
In return, Grace yelped:
“Chill out guys, just keep your beans cool! We can handle this, we beat the Jaegermän, we can beat some eldritch fuc- fudgers easily.”
Incredulously, Peter responded:
“Grace… are you freaking insane?! These are gods! How are we gonna beat literal gods? There’s five of them and three of us!”
Under her breath, Steph murmured:
“Of course she’s insane, she’s fuckin’ weird.”
Brushing this off, Grace smiled eerily and said:
“We just need to have hope in a higher power, ye of little faith…”
Despite Grace’s air of confidence that the three of them would be safe against eldritch horrors, both Peter and Steph thought to themselves - what the hell was the rest of the school year going to be like?