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ACCISM/US
n. feigning disinterest in something while actually desiring it.
“A food for thought, dear Doctor?”
A stretch of a smile — shrouded in a facade of amicability, yet a sense of slyness was buried underneath the darkness that engulfed the room.
Within the room, a singular lamp sat quietly on a table with a small flame within its cage. With a faint orange hue, it barely illuminated the presence that brought themselves to the chair across from him — the presence with an audacity to cross their legs comfortably like they were making themselves at home.
Despite this uninvited guest this late in the night, Ratio merely dragged his eyes from his book to the cloaked man.
Ah. There he was, just as Ratio expected.
“I’m full when you’re empty. I rise when you fall. I grow when you lose. But I vanish when you have it all. What am I?”
“Desire,” Ratio answered blandly. “Desire fills the void when something’s missing, but disappears when you’re fully satisfied.”
Snap!
“Correct!” Aventurine grinned, fingers snapped together as he relaxed further into his chair. “My, a riddle can truly never get past you. Although it’s an intriguing thought how easily a desire can completely disappear after a man’s fully satisfied. Like this singular flame —”
Aventurine gestured at the lamp, then added. “A desire can start small. But soon, a man would desire something — wealth, fame, love — and he’d tend that flame until it began to grow like a fire. But no matter how strong a fire is, it will always be snuffed out once the man doesn’t desire it anymore. Interesting, right?”
“A desire’s born from what a man wants. That’s one of the reasons why you enjoy betting with those who know exactly what they’re seeking. That being said —” Ratio snapped his book closed and shot Aventurine a sharp glare. “Is providing me a riddle the only reason why you’re here? Or would you like to explain yourself and remove that cloak of yours?”
Aventurine hummed.
“Unfortunately, I’d have to decline your request, Doctor. I’m not too fond of the cold right now.”
“My apologies. It’s not supposed to be a request.”
Scree—ech!
Aventurine blinked as the chair hissed in the dark, until he saw Ratio suddenly standing in front of him — leaning over and staring down at him sharply as the orange hue of the lamp intensified the amber in his eyes.
“Move it.”
Aventurine scoffed. But after a tense moment of reluctance, he opened the curtains of his cloak to reveal half of his body stained in nothing but blood, followed by a rip in his shirt to reveal a bloodied cut along his shoulder.
There it was.
Ratio’s brows furrowed, lips stretched thin as he carefully pulled the shirt and leaned closer to examine the injury.
(Judging by the look of things, the injury was a shallow gash inflicted by something sharp — something like a knife, perhaps.)
“I was lucky enough to get away with a minor scratch, Doctor,” Aventurine spoke, breaking the silence as he tilted his head to allow Ratio to look better. “If you’re concerned about the blood, it’s not mine. It's from the —”
“Quiet,” Ratio interrupted tersely, pulling away from Aventurine.
The flame wavered as Ratio pulled away from Aventurine to stride across the medical bay — his deliberate footsteps echoing throughout as he reached to rummage through cabinets until he found the kit. And as he circled back to drag a chair and sit in front of the patient, he saw Aventurine’s eyes flickering at him when he hooked his foot around one of Aventurine’s chair legs to drag Aventurine in closer.
“I’ve been meaning to ask, but what are you doing here?” Aventurine eventually asked as Ratio reached to unfasten the cloak and pull it off. “I thought you were supposed to be asleep at this time.”
“So you’re aware of my schedule.”
Aventurine’s lips hesitated, and Ratio exchanged with him an intense stare when the immediate rebuttal didn’t come through. Relenting a sigh, Ratio gestured an instruction with his head, and Aventurine tentatively obliged by carefully unbuttoning his shirt until he could expose the injury on his shoulder.
“I would be sleeping, but I began to notice that you’d leave the station and come here to the medical bay late at night for the past few days,” Ratio answered, retrieving the supplies from the kit. “You were out to work on the mission, weren’t you?”
“If not me, then who else is going to get results? Besides, I’ve retrieved the stolen information, and come away unsca—”
Suddenly, Aventurine nearly choked on a wince when Ratio pressed a disinfectant pad against his gash.
“You were saying?”
Aventurine strained a smile.
Ratio sighed, but he carefully applied lighter pressure on the wound as he listened to Aventurine attempting to suppress his struggles for breath and felt Aventurine’s hand gripping onto his free arm — a moment where Aventurine instinctively held on tight, then relaxed once Ratio figured he was getting used to the stinging pain.
“You’re right,” Ratio began. “You only came back with a minor gash. But you’ve unnecessarily been on suicide missions late at night instead of bringing a team with you. Need I remind you that we’re dealing with difficult terrain full of dangerous creatures and raiders? In fact, it’s a miracle that you weren’t struck with a poisoned dagger.”
“The results justify the means,” Aventurine said, his voice less tense when Ratio removed the pad to begin bandaging him. “Besides, it’s not as if I didn’t get any help. After all, you’ve been gathering the data and have picked up their trail. All I did was follow up on it. Ah —
— you seem more irritated now.”
A small laugh rang through his ears, and Ratio gave a disgruntled mutter as he leaned in further and pulled Aventurine’s shirt down more.
“Is it because I’ve been coming to the medical bay and helping myself to some supplies?” Aventurine craned his head. “I have already ordered some more to refill the inventory, so you don’t need to worry about —”
“Why didn’t you wake me up?”
The flame in the lamp wavered.
Aventurine blinked.
“Wake you up?” Aventurine squinted. “I’m not waking you up for some scratches.”
“You call this a scratch?”
“Am I fatally injured?”
“No —”
“Then there’s nothing to worry about.”
“Regardless, that’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean, Doctor?”
Ratio’s jaw tightened for a moment.
Nothing came out of him — not an answer.
The only thing he could do was draw his hand away from the shoulder to the dirt smeared on Aventurine’s cheek, all while he caught the stains of blood and dirt on the rest of Aventurine’s clothes. And Ratio hoped that it didn’t belong to Av—
“You look concerned there, Doctor,” Aventurine remarked, and Ratio swept his eyes to see the magenta-cyan eyes looking at him with an inquisitive smile. “Are you worried about me?”
Are you worried about me?
(Whywouldn’thebe?)
“No. I’m not worried about you,” Ratio stated, rubbing the dirt mark from Aventurine’s cheek with the pad of his thumb. “I know you can get yourself out of trouble. But that also doesn’t justify you recklessly throwing yourself into risky situations and betting your life like this. There’s a reason why it’s necessary to travel with a team, or at least with one other person.” Ratio narrowed his eyes as he met Aventurine’s. “Do you understand now, Gambler?”
“I already told you,” Aventurine hummed, taking Ratio’s hand to remove it from his face while his other hand dove into his pocket. “It’s all about results. That’s how we operate here, and I know that you know that yourself. So, as long as the task is fulfilled, it doesn’t matter what methods I use. And besides, I highly doubt you’re the kind to enjoy the thrills of walking into danger.”
“You —”
“Don’t look upset, Doctor. I came back with a gift, after all.”
Suddenly, Ratio felt something cold searing within his palm — a small necklace — before Aventurine forced his fingers to curl around it into a tight fist.
“A little necklace that has a chip with all the stolen information,” Aventurine remarked lightly before he removed his hand and leaned back. “It was quite an ordeal to wrangle it out of the raider’s hands, but alas. Now the fun part is you decrypting it.”
Ratio frowned, opening his hand to look at the cold piece of metal in his hand. A small thing really — though he did not doubt that it had all the information inside of it. After all, they were both sent out on this mission to retrieve this and decode it for analysis.
Though, to think that Aventurine had been sneaking out on a few nights, alone, just to find this —
“If there’s anything else you need me for, then I’ll be in my room,” Aventurine said lightly.
The chair screeched, and Ratio saw Aventurine pull away from him to disappear into the dark.
The flame crackled and wavered, and the necklace in his hand burned colder as Ratio listened to the quiet footsteps behind him.
“Goodnight, Doct —
or…”
THUD!
“Aventurine — !”
The necklace fell to the floor, followed by the second chair, the rush of footsteps, and a body that also collapsed to the ground.
i
The first thing that struck him was the tremors.
The trembles.
The cold sweat.
The numbing pain that he was familiar with on the nights that involved nothing but nightmares.
The nightmares that would make his head ring from the pain.
The nightmares that would make him clench his fist and dig his nails into something,
anything,
to make all of the noises stop
and to allow him to stop waking up in an unnerving abyss of darkness —
“…turine…”
“… should’ve…
woken me… up…
earlier…
so you… didn’t…
alone…”
Warm.
Hot.
Someone…
Slowly, Aventurine peeled his heavy eyes just a crack — barely enough for him to see a blurry pair of red-golden eyes that blended into the colors of dim orange and blue. His finger twitched — ached — as he tried to blink through to make out the indigo hair of a man who sat beside his bed — a bed (that certainly wasn’t his) — with a floating blue screen and a lamp on the desk.
“You’re awake.”
A beat.
Then, with half-lidded eyes, Aventurine murmured.
“Doctor? Where…” am I?
There was a pause. A moment where it allowed Aventurine to make out something fidgeting within Ratio’s large hand — something that seemed like the necklace — before it was placed next to the lamp. Soon, the red-golden eyes swept back to him.
“You collapsed from exhaustion, so I took you back to my room since it was the closest,” Ratio stated matter-of-factly. “Go back to sleep. You only slept for an hour.”
“Really?” Aventurine uttered a breathless laugh, his voice drowned by the violent winds blowing against the walls of this room. “It felt like it’s been ten minutes.”
Based on the way Ratio furrowed his brows and frowned, the Doctor must have noticed something. That — Aventurine didn’t know what. But what he didn’t expect was for Ratio to reach out (and gently) wipe his fingers along Aventurine’s neck before Ratio moved the long ends of his hair aside.
“You’re sweating.”
A rush of embarrassment struck him after that motion, making his face warm(er) as Aventurine managed a weak scoff.
“Apologies, Doctor. The temperature in your room is hotter than mine, so —”
Aventurine’s words fell suddenly when Ratio suddenly swept his bangs aside and leaned over until he pressed their foreheads together. It nearly startled Aventurine when he saw the intense eyes up close — close enough to make out the glows of ambers underneath the shadows of the room.
(the flame flickered.)
“Your head’s warm, but not burning… Did you accidentally ingest any poison while you were out?”
“No —” Aventurine uttered, his voice threatening to crack. “No. I’m not sick, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“How are you feeling right now?”
A lot of things.
Unfortunately, the wits were lost within the aching in his chest the longer Aventurine gazed up at Ratio, who was observing him with a clinical eye. (Aventurine was used to being looked at closely — to be watched closely, no matter how much he hated it. Yet when it came to the Doctor’s eyes — the way Ratio would look at him sometimes…)
“Exhausted,” Aventurine managed out under his breath. “I didn’t really get enough sleep for the past few days, so that’s why.”
Ratio’s expression soured.
This time, Aventurine didn’t have to figure out why Ratio looked so frustrated — now knowing that Ratio had apparently figured out he had been going off alone to fulfill his mission. Would it have been better if Ratio had tagged along with him? Probably.
But it was as Ratio said: This planet was unforgiving with its dangerous terrain, creatures, and raiders all over the place. Not to mention the relentless winds that could easily blow people off their feet. Casualty wasn’t uncommon here. Therefore, Aventurine figured it was better if he worked it out himself rather than risk both of them.
(In all truthfulness, his late-night trips were a reason to keep Aventurine’s mind from running rampant.)
But despite that…
“… Sorry, Doctor.”
Ratio’s face shifted. Something Aventurine couldn’t make out under the shadows.
“What are you apologizing for?”
Aventurine hesitated.
“For a lot of things. For going out, and collapsing on you, and —” a small gesture. “Taking your bed too.”
For a moment, Ratio didn’t say anything. Rather — they both didn’t, aside from the fact that their foreheads remained together. The flame was dwindling, as Aventurine was making out less and less of Ratio’s features in the dark, no matter how hard he tried to focus on it.
At some point, the flame disappeared.
And so did Ratio.
Aventurine’s forehead became colder, and the absence suddenly became so jarring that it took all of Aventurine to not instinctively reach out and blindly grab onto him in the dark.
Thankfully, he hadn’t done that as the lamp suddenly flickered back to life with a new flame. Though Aventurine belatedly realized that he was sitting upright now when Ratio raked his eyes at him with knitted brows.
“Were you decrypting the necklace?” Aventurine asked, interrupting whatever train of thought might be going through Ratio’s head. “I saw you were working on something earlier.”
“I was only assessing how much information there is to download,” Ratio answered in a low voice, picking up the necklace. “It’ll take around two weeks to fully process everything. After that, it shouldn’t take long to organize it into the archive.”
“Ah, that’s good. But you’ve been doing this late at night?” Aventurine mildly teased. Thanks to the brighter flame, he noticed the dark shadows on Ratio’s face and the dark circles that suggested that the Doctor himself looked exhausted. “Why don’t you go and —”
Ah.
Right.
Aventurine clenched a fistful of the blanket, realization striking the back of his head, before he then forced himself to release.
“Well,” Aventurine exhaled as he shuffled to the edge of Ratio’s bed while trying to ignore the aching in his bones. “I appreciate your hospitality, Doctor. I’ll return the bed to you, so you should go and —”
His sore legs betrayed him when Aventurine nearly faltered on his feet. Fortunately, he didn’t meet his demise on the floor when Ratio quickly stood up and grabbed him before he could fall.
When Ratio held him steady, Aventurine only hoped that Ratio didn’t notice anything about the way he reflexively gripped onto Ratio’s shirt, or the way his heart punched against his chest that it nearly made him dizzy.
“Ratio —”
“Sleep here tonight. I’ll take over your room,” Ratio insisted through a low, deep rumble as he carefully set Aventurine back down onto the bed again, his hand wrapped around Aventurine’s arm. Before Aventurine could retort, Ratio added sharply, “Unless you want me to carry you back to your room, then I can do that too.”
Aventurine strained out a small scoff. “You don’t have to do all that extra effort. Besides, I doubt it’s less carrying and more dragging, considering that it’s you.”
Ratio’s brow twitched in irritation. “I can drag you like a ragdoll as well if that’s what you want. I’m not opposed to that either.”
Aventurine laughed quietly, and Ratio’s hand tightened in reaction.
“Go ahead and be my guest. Throw a chalk at my head while you’re at it, since I don’t have the strength to do anything —”
The words collapsed onto the plush mattress when Aventurine suddenly felt Ratio push him far too gently down against the bed. Barely able to process what just happened, Aventurine caught a glimpse of Ratio leaning over him — intense eyes glowing underneath the orange hue from the flame — before a blanket engulfed his cold body.
“Since you don’t have the strength to do anything, I recommend you rest for the entirety of tonight and for this whole week.” Ratio brushed his hand along Aventurine’s forehead, sweeping away the blonde strands hiding Aventurine’s face. “You’ve already retrieved the information, so just rest now. Don’t go anywhere.”
“Is this another treatment plan of yours, Doctor?”
“It is. So I advise you not to ignore it.”
A thumb brushed on Aventurine’s cheek where the dirt stain once was (or still was there — Aventurine didn’t know). But instead of lingering a little longer, Ratio’s hand pulled away from him too soon before Ratio removed himself from the bed.
“If you need anything, then send a message or call me. I’ll come over so you don’t have to strain yourself.”
Aventurine blinked, quietly watching Ratio take the necklace into his hand before swiping away the blue screen that had been hovering on the desk.
“Do you want the lamp on or off?”
On. “Off,” Aventurine said. Then, quickly — “Wait. Before you go…”
Ratio’s hand paused on the cage of the lamp.
“… How long were you waiting earlier at the medical bay?”
The flame wavered.
And soon, Ratio opened the lamp.
“Goodnight.”
Then, the flame blew away.
want
The next couple of days were nothing more than diligently uncovering the information from this necklace that belonged to some scientist who used to live on this planet. Aside from him, the other researchers in the base were working on decrypting the impressive amount of notes and research regarding the terrain, the history of the planet before it became desolate, and potential projects, among other things.
But considering how many things were locked behind random encryptions and organized messily, Ratio only relented a self-suffering sigh as he leaned back in his chair and stared up at the ceiling for a moment to breathe.
“Doctor Ratio, the afternoon meal is ready.”
Ratio dragged his heavy eyes over to the small drone hovering right beside him, waiting for his instruction. But before Ratio could say anything to the drone, a light hum interrupted him.
“Working hard, Doctor?”
Seconds later, someone peeked into view, leaning over him from the other side of the chair. Ratio furrowed his brows as he immediately recognized the magenta-cyan eyes and the stretch of a certain smile.
“Why aren’t you in your room?”
Aventurine teased with a raised brow. “You really think you can force me to recuperate in my room?”
“Don’t make me strap you down onto the bed, Gambler.”
“I’m hurt, Doctor. Is this how you treat your patients?”
“Only to those who refuse to listen.”
“Well, Doctor. You should also follow your own advice sometimes.”
Ratio narrowed his eyes as he straightened his posture to see Aventurine placing down a tray of food on the table, careful not to collide with the small scanning device with the necklace floating inside it.
“Figured you weren’t going to get your lunch, so I brought it over myself.”
“That wasn’t necessary. I was going to get it myself.”
Aventurine scoffed, unconvinced, then glanced over at the drone floating next to him.
“DR-91, how many meals did Doctor Ratio eat for the last two days?”
The drone whirred. “Doctor Ratio has eaten two full meals and five vitamin drinks in total. This will be his third full meal.”
Ratio clicked his tongue sharply, and Aventurine smiled at him slyly in his triumph.
“DR-91, tell me Director Aventurine’s condition and diet.”
As Ratio expected, Aventurine’s eyes widened.
“Wait —”
“Analysis indicates muscle soreness, fatigue, sleep deprivation, mild dehydration, and a headache caused by exhaustion. Director Aventurine has eaten one full meal for the last —”
“That’s enough,” Aventurine interrupted sharply, exasperated as he pushed the drone aside. “Your drone here is a little faulty, Doctor. I recommend you fix it.”
Ratio scoffed, tipping his head to the side. “My drone’s perfectly fine as it is. Now, are you going to tell me why you aren’t eating anything? And I know you haven’t eaten anything today, so don’t say that you did.”
Aventurine stared at him with a frown, almost forming something that looked like a pout.
“I think the correct response here is thank you, Aventurine, for bringing me lunch since I haven’t had a chance to eat anything today because I was busy overworking myself to death.”
Ratio’s brow ticked, gazing up at Aventurine. Then, he let out a sigh before gesturing his hand to the other empty chair right beside him.
“Sit.”
Aventurine raised a brow but didn’t hesitate to take a seat.
“Are you going to keep on lecturing me, or —”
There was a surprised gasp when Ratio hooked his foot around one of the chair legs to drag Aventurine closer to him. And before Aventurine could express his surprise, Ratio interrupted him by offering a spoonful of the food in front of the Gambler’s face.
“Eat.”
Aventurine stared in disbelief. “I —”
“Open your mouth.”
Finally, Aventurine obliged — protests broken by his cracked voice, before Ratio was finally able to feed him the spoonful. In return, Aventurine shot him a glare, although undercut by the cheeks puffing from the chewing.
(It was a sight that Ratio found difficult to turn away from — so much so that Ratio had to force himself back to gather another biteful of food once the latter was done.)
“I came here to give you food,” Aventurine hissed out, akin to something like a displeased cat.
“I’ll get my own later.”
“You —”
“Eat.”
This time, Aventurine didn’t fight against the next bite, although the glare didn’t change at all. Ratio suppressed his amusement at the sight, but considering that Aventurine was more ready to eat this time, he suspected that Aventurine must have been hungry for whoever knows how long.
However, as the Gambler did go out of his way to bring him lunch, Ratio decided to take one bite of his own.
Bland, but good enough.
“Can’t believe you were scolding me for my conditions, yet here you are.” Ratio heard Aventurine huff. “What a contradictory man.”
“That sentiment’s reciprocated,” Ratio remarked, nudging the tray towards Aventurine before returning his focus to the blue screens around him. “Eat the rest.”
“Careful, Doctor. If you work too hard, you might end up going crazy. Unless you’re just that eager to go home,” Aventurine said as he peered over to look at one of the screens. “Though I won’t blame you, considering how unforgiving this planet is.”
The last part trailed off into something of a soft murmur. And looking over, Ratio could see a faint smile along Aventurine’s lips —
— except it wasn’t a smile. That, at least, Ratio knew. But there was something in Aventurine’s inflection that sounded…
small.
you
Even though they had been working together for the last couple of months on this mission, this routine was much different.
Aventurine was used to the constant fight against the harsh winds, the creatures, and the raiders who sought blood and power. He was used to the pitch-black nights. The sound of gravel underneath his heels. The gunshots and knives that tried to pierce through his barrier. The adrenaline that overrode the aching in his body as he fought and ran, ran, ran with that tiny little necklace in his hand —
— until Aventurine…
… eventually found himself seeing the same necklace in Ratio’s hand.
Sometimes floating inside a device.
Sometimes being held in between Ratio’s fingers with a thumb rubbing across it.
This recent routine of theirs — where Aventurine would see Ratio working diligently on his own task, and Aventurine would find himself next to Ratio, either offering some sort of help with the decryption, or measly banter that temporarily distracted Ratio for a moment. Sometimes longer.
Sometimes, Ratio would scold him for the distraction. Sometimes, Ratio would entertain it. Sometimes, they would both sit in silence, where Aventurine ended up quietly watching Ratio work instead.
But never would Ratio wave him away.
(And Aventurine supposed that it was nice. Comforting enough to distract him from the thoughts in his head, and from the winds of the planet.)
But all things eventually end.
And soon, this little mission of theirs.
Not that it bothered him, really. After all, the planet was a nightmare to stay in, and there was no doubt that both him and Ratio were ready to return to the comforts of their own homes.
This was also the most Aventurine had seen Ratio throughout the months they spent together.
The most Aventurine had been around him.
And for some reason, whenever Aventurine watched Ratio hold onto the necklace so closely, he couldn’t help but feel…
(…afraid?)
to
The ambiance of the walls shook and creaked incessantly until the violent winds eventually calmed themselves by late evening. The dark laboratory room was peaceful and void of everyone except for him, the blue screens, and a necklace in his hand.
Only five more days' worth of work to go through, Ratio thought to himself absentmindedly. Fortunately for him, the process was smoother than he expected, meaning it wouldn’t take long until Ratio completed his own task. Unfortunately, he didn’t realize the state he was in until a soft knocking broke him out of his stupor.
He knew exactly who the owner of the knocking was, along with the light footsteps that came in afterwards. But it didn’t stop him from looking back to see the Gambler with a lamp in his hand.
“You’re up late,” Aventurine teased with a whisper.
“You are as well.”
Despite the darkness, Ratio could clearly see how tired Aventurine was — the signs of sleepiness were carried within Aventurine’s half-lidded eyes. Based on the half-ruffled hair, Ratio suspected that Aventurine woke up too long ago.
“Why are you awake?” Ratio asked, catching the way Aventurine’s shoulders tensed.
“No reason,” Aventurine said. “I saw you were still working on this, so I was curious.”
Ratio figured that half of that was a lie as he eyed the sweat clinging to the strands of hair on Aventurine’s face and trailing down Aventurine’s neck.
(If Aventurine wasn’t as sick as he said he was, then there must be some reason why he looked like this, or what could be disturbing his sleep. If not an illness or poison — and Ratio had made sure that Aventurine wasn’t poisoned after his last attack — then it would only mean there was something else going on. Whether it was something on Aventurine’s mind, or…)
“Jade said that once you’re done decrypting the information, she’ll send out a ship for us to return to Pier Point.”
The flame wavered.
“It’ll be another few days,” Ratio said and glanced over at Aventurine. “Would you be able to hold on until then?”
Aventurine blinked. “Hold on?”
“You’ve been restless for a while now,” Ratio stated, pausing when the walls creaked harshly in the wind against them. As he figured, Aventurine stiffened, eyes darting towards the sounds before moving right back at him with an attempt at a composed smile. Although the way Aventurine tensed and shrank into the curtains of the shadows around the lamp made him look… smaller. “Is it because of the wind?”
Aventurine shook his head. “No. It’s —” Aventurine hesitated abruptly, as if the words suddenly fell back down into his throat. Then, Aventurine peeled his eyes away from Ratio to look at the screen glowing in front of them. “… Yeah. It’s just a little too loud, I suppose.”
There it was.
At least, that was half of an earnest admission.
“… Why are you looking at me like that, Doctor?”
Reflexively, Ratio straightened up.
“Like what?”
“Like you’re wor—” Aventurine paused. “Like you’re concerned about something.”
The flame flickered. Wavered.
Ratio breathed in deeply before averting his eyes to the chair beside Aventurine.
“You’re not entirely wrong,” Ratio said, then nudged his head as a gesture before he began to pull off his coat. “Sit down.”
Aventurine obliged readily, but sent Ratio a surprised look when Ratio draped the large coat around him.
“Ratio?—”
“You’re free to stay here. I’ll be doing this in the meantime,” Ratio stated, taking the lamp from Aventurine’s hand to set it aside on the table beside them. “If you need anything, I’ll be here.”
Aventurine blinked before he quietly nodded with a slight smile.
“Thank you, Ratio.”
The flame swayed, and Ratio forced himself not to notice the way Aventurine burrowed himself into his coat.
Five more days.
hold
This time, he didn’t wake up to cold sweat or the screams of the wind.
The aching pain persisted — entirely caused by the fact that Aventurine was sleeping curled on a chair. But this time, the abyss of nothingness didn’t unease him the way it usually would.
The blue screens that once surrounded the room were completely gone, and the flame within the lamp had also gone out, which meant that Ratio must have turned in for the night (or morning — Aventurine didn’t know. But one thing he knew was that it was some ungodly hour at this time).
Even though Ratio’s coat was still on him, the Doctor still could have given him some heads-up before leaving him in the laboratory room. The last thing Aventurine wanted was for some random researchers to walk in on him passed out on the chair alone for whatever reason.
Aventurine gave a sleepy mutter as he fully put on the lab coat for warmth before he stretched his hand out for the lamp —
— only to hear something shuffle right beside him.
Aventurine froze, his body alert as he snapped over to the source — squinting through the darkness until he made out a figure of someone sitting in a chair next to him.
Or rather…
“Ratio?”
The man didn’t stir, but there was no doubt that the familiar figure was the Doctor himself — leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed. And upon closer inspection, Ratio’s eyes were shut closed.
Meaning…
(Why was Ratio sleeping here?)
Aventurine raised a brow in confusion and withdrew his hand away from the lamp to instead leave his chair and move over to Ratio.
Leaning close, Aventurine saw how relaxed Ratio was as he slept. All of the creases and irritation Aventurine would see on Ratio’s face were gone. But glancing over at one of Ratio’s fists, Aventurine noticed a necklace peeking out from it.
Why was Ratio holding onto that necklace like that all the time? Ever since Aventurine gave it to him, it was almost as if he had never seen Ratio without it.
(And for some reason, that left a bitter taste in his mouth.
…
He must be going crazy.)
“Ratio, wake up.”
Nothing.
“Wake up.”
Nothing.
Aventurine exhaled a quiet sigh, debating whether or not he should shake Ratio by the shoulders, or poke at him incessantly until he woke up — both options guaranteed for him to get hit in the head with a piece of chalk.)
The third option…
Urges. That was what it was — Aventurine belatedly realized as he tentatively reached his fingers out until they pressed lightly on Ratio’s face.
Just enough for Aventurine to feel the ghost of warmth from Ratio’s skin.
Trailing down to Ratio’s lips.
Moving along Ratio’s broad shoulder.
All the way until Aventurine felt the cold chain of metal peeking out from Ratio’s fist.
And Aventurine locked a finger around the chain, ready to pry it out of Ratio’s —
“What are you doing?”
Aventurine hitched his breath, startled and about to draw away instinctively until he felt a firm hand on his waist, pulling him in until Aventurine was suddenly straddling Ratio on the chair.
His heart raced madly, his hands holding onto the broad shoulders as he was met with Ratio’s red-golden eyes inches away, staring at him intensely.
“Why…” Aventurine exhaled softly, “… were you sleeping here?”
“I lost track of time,” Ratio said, his voice low and heavy.
“I have a hard time believing that you’d pass out comfortably on a chair.”
“And here you are,” Ratio murmured, then added. “Now, would you like to answer the question?”
Aventurine swallowed a difficult breath, clutching onto Ratio’s shirt tightly.
“I was… making sure you’re alive.”
“Alive,” Ratio repeated, but Aventurine could tell Ratio was thoroughly unconvinced. Hence, Aventurine waited for the Doctor to call him out on it, or at least admonish him for waking him up. However, Ratio added, “Well? Did you come to a conclusion yet?”
“I don’t know,” Aventurine murmured. “I have a hard time figuring it out.”
“Then, take your time to figure it out.”
Ah…
Perhaps on a different night (or a different place, in a different position, in many, many other different scenarios), Aventurine would have continued their little back-and-forth. Maybe even tease Ratio for that — because when Ratio said to figure it out, it didn’t sound like he was criticizing Aventurine for an obvious fact.
it sounded like…
an invitation…
An invitation for Aventurine to reach out and press his fingers on Ratio’s face. To lean down and press their foreheads together to feel Ratio’s warmth. To exhale a soft sound when Ratio’s hands pull him in closer, and to lean down further when Ratio angled his head to close in.
Ratio’s breath was hot against his lips, and Aventurine could now feel a heartbeat racing underneath his fingertips when he pressed it against Ratio’s neck.
Or perhaps it was Aventurine’s own shaky, pounding heartbeat that overrode his senses.
Aventurine didn’t know. He truly couldn’t wrap his head around a conclusion, or anything, aside from the fact that all of this felt too real.
That instead of Ratio’s breaths, it was something else softer — hotter — pressed against his lips. The sensation of that made Aventurine hitch his breath and clench tightly on Ratio’s shirt as their lips softly glided against each other, the motion all too gentle and restrained that it made his heart ache harder against his chest.
The most logical conclusion to this moment was that this was all nothing more than a blissful dream. On most days, ninety-nine percent of the days, the idea of being this close to the Doctor and kissing him was nothing but a fever dream. Because why in the world would Ratio be voluntarily kissing him like this?
But on the off-chance that this was all certainly real —
“Ratio,” Aventurine breathily managed out, and Ratio gave a low, deep rumble against Aventurine’s lips.
“Aventurine —”
… two faint, muffled voices from outside...
“We still have halfway through the data to uncover before we get to go home —”
CLATTER!
Ratio brokenly heaved, the wind nearly knocked out of his lungs when Aventurine suddenly shoved himself away from him and scrambled out of the chair.
“I’m glad you’re awake now, Doctor! You were knocked out like a light, so I was worried you’d hurt your back sleeping on the chair.”
There was a loud, strained laugh that echoed in the room.
“Make sure you sleep in your room, Doctor. Have a good night.”
“Gambler —”
Except Aventurine was faster in the dark. Too fast that Ratio could barely keep up with the light footsteps until the door was suddenly swung open and shut.
“…goodnight, Director….”
“Aventurine!” Ratio called out, swinging the door open right after.
But he was only met by two bewildered researchers with lamps in their hands.
“Doctor Ratio? Is everything okay?”
(The flames wavered.)
me
Two more days left.
The majority of the decryption was finished, aside from a few sections that were secured behind multiple persistent locks. While they weren’t relatively hard for him to work through, the pressure in his head, along with having to reprimand a few idiots for messing around with a few of the drones outside the base, made this task no easier.
“Doctor Ratio. Your condition indicates that you have a severe migraine, coupled with dehydration and fatigue due to stress and an unbalanced die—”
“Thank you, DR-91,” Ratio snapped harshly, silencing the floating drone as he pinched the bridge of his nose and turned away from the glaring blue screens in front of him.
The moment he shut his eyes, Ratio felt the strains weighing behind his eyes. The migraine throbbed a dull, aching pain in his head — intense enough to make Ratio want to groan in agony. The only thing barely keeping him grounded was the necklace around his neck (but even then, the necklace was slowly becoming a heavy weight around his neck due to — some — reasons).
“Doctor Ratio. Would you like to take a rest?” The drone asked.
“No. That’s not necessary,” Ratio murmured gruffly as he peeled his eyes back open to hear a crowd of footsteps passing by him.
“…We’ll scout the area to clear the creatures,
and then reinforce the security around the mining deposits after. Understand?”
Among the crowd of footsteps were a few of the IPC employees wrapped in gear and cloak, and one certain Gambler in his own gear. The instinct to say something was caught in Ratio’s throat, an unsettling feeling aching in his chest as Aventurine spared him a glance — eyes wide before Aventurine sharply averted away from him.
(It was like this for the last couple of days since then.
The awkward tension.
The silence.
The absence beside Ratio that became jarring whenever Aventurine would slip away from him.
Sorry, Doctor. I have some things to work on. We can talk later.
Aventurine said with a smile that stretched out too thin.)
“Aventurine.”
The pair of boots froze in place, and Ratio saw the magenta-cyan eyes looking at him from the few feet of distance between them. The throbbing pain in his head numbed, and the memory surfaced back as a burning warmth on his lips.
(His hands also burned — the memory of that night lingering. The urges to reach and grab Aventurine, once tolerable for him to manage under the surface, now became the reason why his fingers twitched in an unbearable ache.)
“You’re going outside?” Ratio found himself asking slowly.
There was a beat before Aventurine seemingly remembered to smile.
“Sorry, Doctor,” Aventurine said. “I won’t be able to stay inside as you advised. I have some urgent tasks to attend to.”
“Your condition —”
“I assure you I’m fine,” Aventurine hummed, then quickly drew away. “Sorry. We can talk later, Doctor.”
And before Ratio could reach out,
the Gambler had already receded away from his view.
The walls creaked in the harsh winds blowing against them. The necklace shifted.
“Doctor Ratio. Would you like me to assist Director Aventurine?”
A deep frown.
Then, Ratio forced his attention back to the bright blue screens.
“… That won’t be necessary.”
in
The pain of trying to remain balanced against the harsh winds wasn’t enough to distract him from the frenzied thoughts running through his head. Fighting against the rabid creatures was barely enough to keep his mind from thinking for a minute, but even then, it still didn’t help. The only thing he was left with at the end of this evening was nothing more than a sore body and the memories burning on his lips.
To have these kinds of feelings for him —
it terrified him.
That — which was a funny thing, considering it was Aventurine’s own doing that he kissed Ratio.
In that moment, Aventurine vividly remembered the ecstasy that almost left him breathless. The urges and temptations that made him want to cling to Ratio more and more, while nearly hoping (wishing) for Ratio to hold onto him more and more. That moment when all of Ratio’s attention remained on him, Aventurine found himself wanting to grasp for more —Praying for this to never end, or for Ratio not to go.
And that was what scared him.
After all, was he even allowed to hold these kinds of feelings for him?
Doctor Veritas Ratio, the stone-faced man who had always held nothing more than neutrality towards him? The one who barely tolerated him as an acquaintance?
Ratio kissed him back.
(But Ratio wasn’t in his right mind because he was exhausted.)
Then why would Ratio kiss him back?
They both had nothing more than a relationship as coworkers collaborating on a mission together. Once these next two days were up, there was no doubt in Aventurine’s mind that Ratio would absolutely want nothing to do with him anymore.
And if so —
— he’d eventually have to let him go.
The harsh winds screamed against him, causing Aventurine to tremble underneath his cloak as he tried to hold the lamp steady.
Aventurine had no idea how long he had been out for except that it must have been a long time. He had left the base when it was sunrise, and now the planet was engulfed in nothing but pitch-black darkness — save for the lamp shining a bright orange hue around them.
It also didn’t help that his body hadn’t fully recovered by the time he trekked out to clear up some of the areas from a few rabid creatures, since by the time he was done, his bones were aching with every step he made. The only grace from this was that he actually came out unscathed with nothing more than the old wound on his shoulder.
(But even then, it still hurt. His whole body still hurt. Still hurt from the cold. From the cold, and the wind, and the nightmares that worsened and the pain in his head and chest every time he thought about it, or saw him, and — )
“Director Aventurine.”
Huh?
Aventurine squinted, raising his lamp and searching through the darkness until he noticed a bright blue light hovering towards him. A beat passed until he saw a small drone approaching him, and another beat for him to distinguish which drone this was until his eyes skirted over the DR-91 mark on the side of it.
This was the same drone that would normally stay inside the base, and the one that usually hovered right beside Ratio. So, why in the world was it outside?
Aventurine raised a brow. “What are you doing here?”
The drone whirred.
“Doctor Ratio has sent me out to check on the surrounding areas for creatures and faulty drones.”
“Don’t the other robots do that?”
“Yes.”
Aventurine stared flatly at the robot before relenting a self-suffering sigh.
No point in trying to talk to the drone and pry answers out of it. For all it knew, it only followed orders from its creator without question. But at least this one specifically had some conversational function (and a better flashlight) that he didn’t mind it following him back when he began his walk back to the base again.
“Well? Did you find anything?”
“No. The area is clear, and all drones are functioning.”
“That’s good,” Aventurine muttered as gravel crunched underneath his heels once he found the paved trail. “How much progress is left for the decryption?”
“Approximately half a day.”
Aventurine froze.
Half a day?
Wasn’t there —
“Wasn’t there supposed to be one more full day’s worth of progress left? Why —”
“Current decryption progress is ahead of schedule as Doctor Ratio and the other lead researchers have completed additional tasks.”
Ah.
A bitter taste surfaced on his tongue before he wrang out a strained smile.
“I see.” Aventurine dryly laughed. “Seems like he really wants to go home, huh?”
The drone only whirred as Aventurine’s hand tightened around the handle of the lamp — the flame swaying dangerously as the wind ripped past them. His face grew numb from the cold, but the memories burned on his lips the more he continued to think about it.
(More and more, his body started to burn, and his heart started to ache uncomfortably until his hands shook under the weight of it all.)
“… Hey. Do you still have recordings of your surveillance on the night I came back with the necklace?”
“Yes, Director Aventurine.”
“Can you tell me —” Aventurine hesitated. “— what Ratio was doing that night?”
The drone whirred.
the flame flickered.
(Was there a purpose to his question?
No.
Probably not.
But Aventurine found himself asking that question before he could even think about it. Not that it would make a difference to anything. Not that it would matter.
Yet a part of him wanted to know if maybe,
maybe, — )
“At approximately eleven-thirty in the evening, Doctor Ratio checked your room. He then exited the base and remained outside for an hour. After returning, he checked the feeds of the surveillance drones and entered the medical bay two hours prior to your arrival.”
Aventurine’s heart twisted in his throat.
The only thing that escaped his mouth was a broken croak; emotions swimming through his nerves as he tried to process it. Then…
“…Did you know what Ratio looked like?”
The drone whirred.
The
flame
flickered.
“Facial analysis indicated signs consistent with emotional states relating to distress.”
Distressed?
“Aventurine!”
The invisible howls of the planet were drowned out immediately by the sound of a voice shouting.
That voice —
Aventurine blinked once. Twice.
His heart tied in tight loops as he caught sight of something — someone — running towards him. Within the orange-tinted darkness, Aventurine hitched his breath once he caught the vibrant amber eyes that belonged to the tall, imposing man with a twisted expression and clad in heavy gear.
By the next blink, Aventurine belatedly realized the man had already closed the distance between them when Aventurine could make out most of Ratio’s features under the lamp’s flame.
“Doctor? What are you doing —”
“Storm’s coming,” Ratio interrupted sharply, voice laced with urgency. He quickly grabbed onto Aventurine’s wrist, nearly startling Aventurine until Ratio hastily added, “I apologize. I’ll let go once we get inside.”
If that was the case, then why did Ratio come outside?
Aventurine opened his mouth to reply with that. But true to Ratio’s words, a powerful wind gust swept past them with a roar.
CRACK!
Aventurine gasped, staggering to his feet when the lamp fell from his hands and shattered into pieces. The flame disappeared, causing the world to engulf them in the pitch-black darkness with nothing more than a drone’s measly flashlight.
The winds raged stronger across the land, intensity ramping up more and more with every second.
"Hold on!"
And Aventurine did —
— grasping tightly onto Ratio’s hand as hard as he could while they dragged themselves through, trying to reach closer to the base with every struggling step.
“Warning. Doctor Ratio, the storm is rapidly approaching.”
Swears escaped their breaths as they eventually found their shoulders to the metal door. Aventurine’s jaw clenched tightly from the cold, gathering as much strength as he could to grip onto Ratio while Ratio pulled him in close.
“The storm is arriving in 3 —”
Ratio hissed as his hand blindly searched for the scanner.
“ — 2.”
“— 1.”
“Ratio!”
“Access granted.”
Aventurine gasped as the door slid open, and Ratio tugged him inside. A gust of wind roared against them, causing both of them to nearly collapse to the ground until —
BAM!
Suddenly, the storm relented, and the disappearance of the pressure pushing them forward caused them to fall backwards against the metallic door that slammed shut. Aventurine panted, feeling two arms engulf him closely as Ratio’s ragged breaths rang through his ears. Whoever one of them faltered first, he didn’t know.
All he comprehended was the motion of them sliding down onto the ground with a thud. The aching that Aventurine had forgotten earlier came back in numbing pulses, rendering his whole body slack against the bigger body he laid on.
For once, the darkness of the base provided some serenity to his head that Aventurine’s eyes fluttered shut — his breathing slowly growing shallow…
At least until he heard a rough murmur in his ear.
“Are you okay?”
Ah.
Then, Aventurine belatedly realized he was holding onto Ratio’s shirt too tightly.
“I’m — fine…” Aventurine exhaled out, forcing his eyes open and his hands to release before he quickly drew away to catch Ratio’s face. Their gazes caught each other’s, and Aventurine stiffened at their close proximity. Awkwardly, he asked, “Are you?”
Then, there was a tentative, “I am.”
Even without the lighting, Aventurine could make out the deep frown, the sweat trailing down Ratio’s face, and the intensely twisted expression that seemed like —
(Concern? Distress?)
“Doctor Ratio and Director Aventurine.”
Aventurine squinted, his mind reeling to the robotic voice that hovered between them.
“The storm is estimated to end within two to three hours from now.”
“That’s fine,” Ratio sighed heavily. “Go ahead and do the routine surveillance for the night.”
“Affirmative.”
In a mild daze, Aventurine watched the small drone retreat away from them, leaving behind the soft sounds of its whirring until it eventually disappeared down one of the hallways.
The silence stretched thin between them for a beat. Then two.
By the third, Aventurine averted his eyes right as he noticed Ratio’s gaze turning to him.
“You didn’t —” Aventurine hesitated. “— have to come out, y’know. I would’ve been able to make it myself.”
“… I know.”
Ratio’s murmur was low and deep with exhaustion, yet in an uncharacteristically soft voice that it stunned Aventurine in place. In response, Aventurine’s heart twisted, lips pressed thin as he glanced to see something small that hung around Ratio’s neck.
(Something that seemed like the… )
“Aventurine,” Ratio said tentatively, quietly interrupting Aventurine’s thoughts. “Let me check on your wounds. At least —” a pause, “— before you go.”
There weren’t any wounds. New ones, that was.
The words didn’t leave him.
Rather, he decided to swallow them down this time and nodded quietly, accepting the offer of a hand that pulled him up to his feet.
“Can you walk?”
No.
“Yes.”
There was a brief moment when Ratio frowned as if he knew Aventurine had lied right there. But instead of pushing back on it, Ratio released his hand.
(The action ended up making Aventurine’s hand tremble once the warmth receded. It had to take almost all of him to refrain from taking back his words and ask for the Doctor to hold him again.)
your
The medical bay was quiet and empty, aside from the sounds of the door clicking unlocked, followed by a door shutting closed, and a pair of footsteps entering. Aventurine stood close to the long table as he watched Ratio stride around to retrieve the usual medical kit from the cabinets. Once Ratio began to make his way towards him, Aventurine hitched his breath once the Doctor stood close.
Nothing was said yet.
Instead, Ratio’s eyes swept along Aventurine’s face, lips pressed in a thin line before he set the kit aside. Aventurine couldn’t help but feel the nervousness twisting his stomach with every word unsaid until Ratio exhaled a heavy breath.
“May I check on you?”
Aventurine’s eyes flickered, then slowly nodded.
“… Yeah,” Aventurine said. “Yeah, you can.”
Aventurine felt the wash of anxiousness coursing through his fingers made him fumble as he attempted to unfasten the cloak around him — the process that should’ve taken a minute became a long three minutes before the cloak eventually fell to the ground. Unbuttoning his shirt next was more difficult than it needed to be, especially when Ratio simply watched him with the unusual patience of a saint.
He only hoped to Aeons that Ratio couldn’t hear his heart pounding loudly against his chest when Ratio carefully moved the shirt (and only the shirt — as if Ratio was trying his hardest not to touch his skin) before Ratio leaned to look closely at Aventurine’s bandaged shoulder.
“How do you feel?”
So, so, so many things.
“Nothing,” Aventurine mumbled, slightly sheepish. “I’m just… sore. That’s it. No injuries or anything.”
There was a deep sound — something between a sigh and a mutter, which suggested that Ratio was contemplating something. Whatever it was, Aventurine didn’t know, nor could he read Ratio up close like this. Quietly, Aventurine flitted his eyes away from Ratio’s face, trying to ignore the nerves from being underneath Ratio’s scrutiny as he looked downwards at the object that hung closely around Ratio’s neck.
“Why are you always holding onto that necklace?”
The question left Aventurine faster than he could stop himself, his hands clenched tightly into fists to try and keep his heart from stuttering. (It was a ridiculous notion to think that he was bitter over a scrap of metal. It was ridiculous to think that he was bitter over some accessory that Ratio held so closely for some reason.)
“You haven’t let go of that thing ever since I gave it to you. You’ve already downloaded everything, so it’s as good as useless now.”
(Because when someone had already picked something apart, and satiated their curiosity after learning everything there was to learn — then there was no point keeping it around.
After all, the flame of desire could easily disappear once a person felt fulfilled.
That was why …
… the idea of getting close to Ratio terrified him.
Not because he believed that he would lose all of these feelings towards the Doctor, but rather the oppos— )
“That thing —” Ratio interrupted sharply. “— was given to me by a fool who recklessly risked his own life to get it.”
There it was. The familiar glint of irritation in Ratio’s eyes as his lips twisted into a deep frown. When Ratio cast him a pointed look, Aventurine furrowed his own brows.
“Yes, I know. I’m the fool who gave it to you. But why —”
Why did you still hold onto it?
Why were you always holding it so close to you?
Why did you seem so attached to it? Why did you always hold it in your hand when you could have held something else?
Why couldn’t you have held me instead?
… What? What was he thinking?
The air grew heavier.
The sharp stare Ratio gave him suddenly shifted into something softer, which forced Aventurine to realize that he probably looked a certain way right now for Ratio to react like that.
“Does it bother you?” Ratio asked in a low tone.
“No —” Did he look like it bothered him that much? “No, it doesn’t. I don’t really care about it.”
Ratio’s eyes flickered, unconvinced. Then:
“If it truly bothers you, then you can take it away.”
Aventurine widened his eyes. “What?”
“As I said, I kept it because you risked your life for it. But if it’s something that makes you feel uneasy, then you’re free to take it away from me.”
Huh?
Perplexed, Aventurine was startled in surprise when Ratio leaned close to him — however, in a way where it truly seemed like Ratio was offering him the necklace’s fate. At a glance, Aventurine was able to make out the shadows of exhaustion that wore down the Doctor’s usual vitality.
With a difficult swallow, Aventurine tentatively reached for the necklace until he loosely grasped the main piece of metal that hung on the chain.
“You were avoiding me because of the kiss, right?”
What?
Aventurine forced a wry smile. “I wasn’t avoiding you.”
“Yes, you were,” Ratio stated. “You’ve stopped coming over, and whenever I tried to talk to you, you’d find a reason to go off elsewhere. Earlier today as well — you went outside to fight off the creatures even though you were supposed to be recovering from your condition.”
“I was fine for the most part,” Aventurine scoffed half-earnestly (lied, rather, as he had spent the battle fighting with a nearly numb body with occasional sharp pain on his shoulder whenever he moved the wrong way). “Maybe you worry too much, Doctor.”
“Aventurine.”
Aventurine stiffened, and he braced for the harsh scolding…
… Except it never came.
The silence seeped back into the space between them, hanging within the thick tension. However, it stayed for only a brief moment until Ratio took a deep breath and sighed.
“I apologize, Gambler. It wasn’t my intention to upset you or make you uncomfortable when I kissed you.”
The remorse in Ratio’s voice threw Aventurine off guard.
“What?” Aventurine uttered, weakly laughing in disbelief. With stumbling fingers, he began to rotate the necklace around to search for the clasp. “What are you apologizing for, Doctor? I was the one who started it anyway. So if anything, I’m sorry for avoiding you and for kissing you. I’m sure it made you angry, so if you —” Want to leave (me), then —
Right as his fingers found the necklace’s clasp, a hand suddenly grabbed his own in a soft grasp. Not hard to hurt, but enough pressure to stop Aventurine from unlocking it.
“I was never angry.”
Aventurine’s eyes flickered.
Never angry? Veritas Ratio?
Aventurine scoffed, bewildered when he saw the firm, unwavering expression on Ratio’s face. The warmth that engulfed his hand began to burn — as if he were sticking his hand directly into the fire.
That fire — the reason for the pain when his racing heart began to crawl up his throat, and yet one of the most comforting things Aventurine had felt (desired) - nearly scared him of how much he didn’t want to let go of it.
How much he didn’t want Ratio to let go.
“Doctor, it’s fine,” Aventurine managed out wryly. “I understand if you’re angry at me. After all, I shouldn’t have done that when you don’t hold those kinds of feelings towards me. I’ll keep myself in check from now on, so you don’t have to —”
“Aventurine.” Ratio tightened his grip on Aventurine’s hand and glared. “I reciprocated. Do you understand? It wasn’t just you.”
Aventurine gaped, flustered, and dumbfounded. “I’m — Hold on, Doctor. I’m not following at all,” Aventurine scoffed in disbelief. “Are you hearing yourself right now?”
“If I were angry, then did you think I was going to let it happen? I —” Abruptly, Ratio paused, mostly out of frustration when he turned away, and pinched the bridge of his nose before letting out an aggravated sigh. “Fine. Tell me this. Did you hate it?”
“N—No, but —”
“Then if I kissed you right now, would you oppose it?”
Aventurine knitted his brows intensely. “No, but if you’re only trying to make things even or something, you don’t have to kiss —”
Except Ratio did.
Something hot crashed against Aventurine’s lips. Pinned against the table, Aventurine gasped within the kiss — eyes flying shut with his fingers tangled around the chain of Ratio’s necklace, and he grasped onto Ratio’s shirt.
It was gentle.
Much more than the first time they kissed. However, there was a spark from the touch, followed by the sense of certainty that this was truly happening. Aventurine’s eyes fluttered shut, breathless as he subconsciously leaned in and gave a soft sound when Ratio’s hands held his waist steady against the table’s edge.
Like sticking his hand into the fire.
It burned.
Yet it was so, so warm.
When they parted to regain a mere inch of space, Aventurine belatedly realized he had forgotten to breathe when he found himself gasping for air.
“Well?” Ratio murmured. “Do you understand now?”
“Understand…” Aventurine trailed off.
Ratio’s eyes narrowed, and for a moment, Aventurine felt like he was being subjected to a difficult exam.
Understand?
A part of his brain barely processed what just happened — more or less the implications of Ratio’s words before that.
(Ratio was trying to say that he reciprocated the kiss. That he wanted to kiss Aventurine as much as Aventurine wanted to kiss Ratio. But most of his brain refused to believe that was what Ratio meant since he still couldn’t fathom that case — the case of Veritas Ratio thinking that way about him — to be true.)
Aventurine felt the intense thrum against his chest before his thumb caught the edge of the necklace’s clasp.
“Doctor,” Aventurine said faintly. “Unfortunately, your explanation’s not getting through to me, so.”
Aventurine expected to garner another intense look of frustration from the Doctor. However, Ratio’s expression shifted, and his eyes flicked from Aventurine’s eyes downward to his mouth.
“Go ahead and stop me if you don’t want this.”
Then, Ratio leaned in to capture Aventurine’s lips once again.
The kiss that began gently quickly moved to something more fervorous — Ratio’s lips pressed firmly against Aventurine, as if Ratio intended to make Aventurine understand.
Every noise was muffled in between them as Aventurine’s hands flew to grasp Ratio’s shoulder while Ratio gripped his waist tighter and pulled him in closer. Ratio glided his tongue along Aventurine’s bottom lip, a gesture asking for permission. That which Aventurine granted by parting his lips to allow Ratio inside to taste him.
Devour him — was the more correct term.
With every second passing, the kiss deepened further into something more desperate. Both of them gripped each other, refusing to part as if they had been starving for this.
Aventurine moaned when their bodies grind against each other through their clothes — pleasure sparking through him intensely enough to make him gasp in Ratio’s mouth. His head fell back, shivering from Ratio pulling away to graze teeth along his skin while they began to chase friction through their clothes. Aventurine’s hands rose to card his fingers through Ratio’s hair, pulling the indigo locks hard enough to make Ratio groan in his ear.
“Ratio,” Aventurine whimpered, unable to bite down the sounds when he felt Ratio’s rigid cock push hard against his own, despite the thick pants they wore. “If you keep doing that —”
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No — no, don’t.”
The air grew hotter. Heavier.
Ratio rumbled as he trailed open-mouthed kisses along Aventurine’s neck and thrusted his strained cock up harder. The intense friction from their clothes as Ratio continued to grind relentlessly left Aventurine flushed from the sensations — every thrust received with a breathy moan. Aventurine’s hips began to stutter and buck in an attempt to match Ratio’s rhythm.
For some reason, that provoked something within the Doctor as suddenly, Aventurine found himself leaning backwards into the table. He barely caught the way the ambers of Ratio’s eyes were swallowed by his pupils before Ratio lunged to devour the moans escaping Aventurine’s mouth.
All Aventurine could do was melt within the big arms engulfing him, and the heat that swallowed him up with every wild, ravenous thrust against his pants.
“Wait —” Aventurine uttered clumsily in the wet kiss. “Wait, wait — Ratio, if you keep doing that, I’m — !”
“Go ahead,” Ratio muttered against Aventurine’s mouth. “Go ahead and come.”
With one last push, Aventurine saw stars. Eyes snapped shut, Aventurine gasped sharply when his body went rigid from the overwhelming pleasure. His cock pulsed with every spurt — strained and suffocated inside his pants that it nearly took Aventurine’s breath away. He buried his whimpers into Ratio’s shoulder, nerves growing sensitive as Ratio’s clothed arousal skidded against him into a stop.
Aventurine felt Ratio’s broken groans against his neck as Ratio held him tight and caressed his back with one hand.
So hot, Aventurine thought in his daze as he hardly registered Ratio’s pants against his skin, heart pounding unsteadily once the end of his climax came.
“How was it?” Ratio murmured.
“… good —” Aventurine barely managed out when Ratio pulled away to press their foreheads together. “It… ah.”
When Aventurine shifted ever so slightly, Ratio suddenly gave a sharp curse and shut his eyes. The reaction surprised Aventurine, and overtaken by curiosity, Aventurine stared downwards and shifted again.
“Doctor, are you —”
“Stop.”
A harsh hiss escaped the Doctor as Ratio grabbed onto Aventurine’s wrist before Aventurine could try to reach for the rigid bulge in Ratio’s pants.
“You’re still hard.” Came the obvious anyway.
The only thing Ratio replied with was a rough grunt.
The fact that Aventurine came first — more or less from just grinding — made Aventurine feel mildly embarrassed. But for some reason, Ratio looked more reserved than moments ago.
“Why do you look like that?” Aventurine asked, teasing a bit. “You were just shamelessly kissing me earlier.”
“I —” Ratio paused to grumble, the muscle in his jaw twitching. “I only intended to kiss you, but I ended up getting carried away.”
Unfortunately for the Doctor, Aventurine puffed out a small, genuine laugh.
“Can’t help it, huh? I suppose even someone like you isn’t resistant to feeling like this.”
“Because it’s you,” Ratio stated. “Even though it’s been only a couple of days, you’ve somehow made me hold onto your presence so strongly that your absence feels nothing but jarring.”
Aventurine’s eyes went round.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m not resistant to you, Aventurine. Every time I see you, the only thing I want to do is pull you in, hold you close, and tell you to stay with me —”
Without thinking, Aventurine grabbed onto Ratio’s necklace to tug him back into the kiss.
“Then —” Aventurine said against Ratio’s teeth. “Pull me in, hold me close, and — stay with me. Please.”
Hearts thundered between them as Ratio kissed Aventurine back — harder — with tongues and teeth clashing messily against each other.
Both of their hands fumbled to pull the belt and buttons off Aventurine’s pants before they unceremoniously tugged it off until it barely hung on one leg. Aventurine jerked at the cold air touching his skin, the remnants of his last orgasm dripping along his legs.
Beside him were shuffles of Ratio’s hand rummaging blindly through the medical box on the table. Soon, Aventurine unintentionally gave a strained whine when Ratio tore away from the kiss. Before Aventurine could voice his complaint, he almost jumped when something cold and wet touched him.
“Medical lubricant,” Ratio said, voice low.
“Haah —” Aventurine hitched his breath when Ratio slid a finger inside of him. Every motion, every curl of Ratio’s finger opening him up and brushing along his insides, made Aventurine moan softly. When Ratio slid in the second to stretch him wider, Aventurine’s legs trembled from the way Ratio was working his fingers inside of him. “… if you keep doing that, Ratio, I’ll …”
Ratio replied by grazing his teeth on Aventurine’s flushed ear, exhaling a breathy chuckle.
“Are you going to come again?” Ratio asked, almost sounding smug, that it made Aventurine want to pull rebelliously on Ratio’s hair. However, Ratio promptly interrupted that thought when he pressed his fingers against Aventurine’s prostate, causing the latter to arch his back and cry out.
No — don’t make me come from just this. Aventurine wanted to say, but his mouth could only babble broken syllables as Ratio fingered him with three fingers this time — pushing hard and deep along his prostate until it sent Aventurine into a dizzying daze.
Unfortunately, the next climax was abruptly declined when Ratio suddenly removed his fingers.
Aventurine’s body shuddered uncomfortably at the denial, a shaky gasp leaving him as he sent Ratio a flushed glare.
“Why’d — you do that?” Aventurine scolded weakly.
Ratio only hummed a deep noise. “What? What’s wrong?
“You —! I was about to come, but you suddenly stopped and —”
Aventurine failed to see Ratio unfastening his own belt and unzipping his pants, as the next, a surprised moan escaped him when he felt the head of Ratio’s cock easing into him. Sparks of pleasure zipped throughout his nerves with every inch pushed into him slowly and gently. His fingers clawed for purchase on Ratio’s back, trying to adjust to the thick size.
There was a sound of Ratio rumbling gravelly in his ear, followed by the words of reassurance of something that sounded like him saying it’s okay, and you’re okay.
(Those quiet, gentle words — as uncharacteristic as it was — tugged something deep within Aventurine’s heart. Something that made Aventurine want to laugh at the absurdity of Ratio comforting him like this, yet also make Aventurine melt within the hug flame that Ratio engulfed him in.)
“Does it hurt?” Ratio eventually asked. “Do you want me to pull out?”
“No —” Aventurine exhaled as he met Ratio’s gaze. “Keep going. Please.”
Ratio’s cock throbbed at the permission granted, and Ratio groaned when he pushed deep inside.
“You have no idea what you’re doing to me right now.”
The question to that promptly fled from his mind when Aventurine sharply gasped from Ratio drawing his hips back to slam deep into him. Waves of pleasure shocked his nerves when he felt the fast and desperate rhythm of Ratio’s thrusts, along with the warmth searing through his shirt when Ratio grabbed Aventurine’s bare thighs — pushing them closer to Aventurine in order to slam deeper into him.
Like a fire, every touch Ratio left on his body burned. Every time Ratio pressed kisses along his skin, or grind his cock against his prostate — it rendered Aventurine into nothing but a mess, unable to do anything but melt and crave more, more, more of him.
Ratio groaned lowly as Aventurine clawed for purchase on his back and rasped broken words into Ratio’s shoulder. The sounds of their clothes ruffling and the table creaking with every movement filled the air.
“Aeons, you’re driving me insane, Aventurine. You know that?”
“I — should be saying that.” Aventurine’s voice quivered, breath catching in his lungs. “You’re the one who — nngh!”
Ratio interrupted him with another deep thrust, causing Aventurine’s back to stretch taut as Ratio mouthed wetly on his throat.
“You —” Ratio grunted. “— have no idea how much I wanted to hold you. How much I wanted to kiss you. How much I thought about you that I thought I was going mad. Do you understand that yet?”
A breathless laugh was punched out of Aventurine.
“Don’t — nnnngh — I always drive you crazy anyway?”
“In so many damn ways.”
Quickly, the pace intensified into something more ravenous, more desperate, so that Aventurine could feel himself falling apart under the weight of Ratio’s kiss. Aventurine’s hands returned to Ratio’s hair — tugging and pulling all while his own cock twitched uncontrollably from the heat burning him alive from the inside.
“Want — Want you,” Aventurine cracked out. “Ratio — haah — please. Ratio.”
Ratio swore into Aventurine’s mouth, slamming erratically enough to make the table creak louder under their weight.
“I’m going to — !”
“Go ahead,” Ratio murmured, voice ragged. “Go ahead and come.”
All it took was one last thrust until they unravelled.
Pleasure crashed into Aventurine hard, making him tremble and sob as he came in rhythmic spurts. Ratio went rigid as well — his cock pulsing thick and hot inside Aventurine as he rode the rest of their climaxes in slow, steady thrusts.
Eventually, the air was filled with their pantings and ragged breaths. Dazed, Aventurine weakly attempted to regain his composure once his oversensitive body was allowed a moment of rest. And when he leaned into Ratio’s body to rest there, he came to realize how they were drenched immensely in sweat — thanks to their heavy clothes that remained on them.
Aventurine quietly listened to Ratio’s heaves as he felt trails of heat seeping down his legs; and Aventurine couldn’t help but think that they probably have quite a bit to clean up soon.
“Ratio,” Aventurine murmured faintly. “Was this what… you wanted?”
“And more,” Ratio instantly responded, nearly startling Aventurine. “I want this. I want you. I want this, and you, and in all the thousand different ways you’d allow me to have you, Aventurine. You — you truly have no idea how much I desire you.”
And for once, Aventurine didn’t doubt the wrecked look on Ratio’s face. He didn’t doubt the hands that strongly held onto his body, nor the intense gaze of amber eyes as their sweat-slicked foreheads rested against each other.
Swallowing hard, Aventurine rose to trace the outlines of Ratio’s necklace — then up, until his fingertips touched Ratio’s lips.
The gesture elicited a throb inside of Aventurine.
Breathlessly, Aventurine laughed when Ratio’s jaw ticked — the Doctor’s brows furrowed as if disappointed at himself.
“Someone’s not satiated,” Aventurine teased, but was mildly surprised at Ratio’s stamina.
Ratio huffed before Aventurine glided his thumb to press it on the corner of Ratio’s lips.
“Do you still want more, Doctor?”
“Don’t.”
“Don’t what? Do you not want any more? You said just earlier that you wanted more, unless —”
“This is what I mean when I said you drive me crazy.” Ratio glared sharply. “The last thing you need is for me to take you out of here and throw you into one of our beds.”
“And if I wanted that?” Aventurine breathed out, seeing Ratio’s jaw tick again. “If I wanted more of you, too? If I still… wanted you to touch me, and kiss me, and hold me tightly until I also turn —”
“Insane,” Ratio said, crashing to capture Aventurine’s next word. “You drive me utterly insane.”
heart
By early morning, Aventurine woke up half-naked, bedridden with a terribly aching body, and engulfed completely inside a pair of big arms. He was mentally thankful for the comforting mercy of Ratio’s soft bed as he curled within Ratio’s warmth — staring down at the unclasped necklace in his hand.
Aventurine still believed it was somewhat useless, as Ratio had essentially extracted most (and soon, all) the data from it. Even as an accessory, it didn’t look luxurious enough to be worth keeping around.
With a quiet huff, Aventurine pressed his thumb against the surface of the metal, rubbing it the same way he recalled Ratio doing it —
“What are you doing?”
Instantly, Aventurine snapped his fingers over the necklace.
“Ratio?” Aventurine squinted, startled, and flustered as he looked up to see Ratio completely wide awake, and not like he had just stirred up from his sleep. “What are you — how long have you been up?”
“Since you took that off from me thirty minutes ago.” Ratio flicked his gaze down to Aventurine’s fist. “Does it bother you still?”
“… No,” Aventurine murmured. “I’m just — wondering why you’re always rubbing your fingers on this thing.”
“It helps me think.”
“You never did something like that until I gave you the necklace.”
Ratio sighed quietly before he brushed a finger along Aventurine’s face and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear.
“It’s a gift from you,” Ratio stated. “More or less, one that you risked your life for. So I intend to hold onto it safely.”
Aventurine raised a brow and mumbled.
“You’re ridiculous, Doctor.”
“Sentiment’s exchanged.”
Aventurine scoffed faintly, smiling when Ratio moved to hover over him — Ratio leaning his head down until their lips pressed against each other like puzzles slotting together perfectly. Ratio’s hand slid onto Aventurine’s for their fingers to intertwine; the necklace pressed warmly between their palms.
The sincerity in the kiss was enough to make them breathless. Enough to make their hearts thrum in a shared rhythm.
Aventurine gasped, eyes fluttering closed and his body alight when Ratio’s hand gently roamed on his bare skin.
This time, the touches were different. Felt different, as now their hands ran on naked bodies. And despite last night — when they had finally stripped each other, and traced every crevice of their bodies — it still felt like it was the first time they had touched each other.
“Aventurine,” Ratio whispered hungrily, and Aventurine moaned when Ratio slid his hand towards Aventurine’s inner thigh.
“Ratio,” Aventurine mumbled through the gentle kiss. “I… want —”
“Doctor Ratio. Director Aventurine. Your breakfast is ready.”
“Ah,” Aventurine exhaled shakily, feeling Ratio diving down to press wet kisses on his neck while completely disregarding the drone outside the room. “Ratio, your… d—drone.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Ratio muttered, biting gently on the neck to hear Aventurine whimper. “It’ll leave soon —”
“Doctor Ratio. Director Aventurine. Your breakfast is ready.”
The moment was interrupted unceremoniously with a broken cough, followed by Aventurine laughing when Ratio completely dropped his head into Aventurine’s shoulder and buried a loud groan.
“Did you program an alarm function on your drone?” Aventurine teased.
“Only meal reminders,” Ratio muttered, clearly frustrated as he reluctantly tore away from Aventurine, allowing both of them to fully dress (well, for Aventurine, he’d have to make Ratio retrieve his own clothes, as the ones Ratio lent him were too loose for him to leave in. Not to mention, his tactical uniform was unfortunately… soiled).
It wasn’t until Ratio finally let the drone inside the room for Aventurine to realize —
— “Wait,” Aventurine uttered, staring down at it. “How did you know that I was in here?”
The drone whirred.
“According to the surveillance records, you two left the medical bay at approximately one in the morning. Doctor Ratio was carrying you down the hallway due to your condition, and you two entered Doctor Ratio’s room for the night. Although current analysis indicates that your condition has worsened with signs of soreness, muscle aches, and human bitemarks on your —”
“Ratio, can you turn off your drone?”
A heavy sigh. "I'll erase its memory too."