Chapter Text
The really messed up thing is that Robert only has hazy memories of it, but it has to be the milk. He has never been like, anti-milkshake, but this weird craving for them that he has going on right now? That's new. And he has always liked vanilla ones, like the basic bitch he is, not raspberry. And how when he does actually cave in and get one, the way the texture and flavor and how cold they are is all wrong, that upsets him, like, emotionally? Yeah. Yeah, he has to admit it at least to himself, that he wants more of Katon-Ur's milk, and that's weird. That's got to be weird, right?
It's definitely weird that he wants it straight from the source, again. Ugh. He never had a mom, maybe he could pass it off as healing his inner child or some shit, but this is totally a sex thing, too. He just wants to be held in those big, burly arms, snuggle close to that funny waltz-time heartbeat, and yeah, probably hump Katon-Ur's leg or something. Goddammit.
Sipping his coffee and trying not to ogle Katon-Ur from across the breakroom, Robert isn't watching his flank, and doesn't realize that Flambae is watching him until it's much too late. Later, he comes oiling into Robert's cubicle to smirk at him and ask, "Thirsty, Bob-Bob?"
"Worry about your own hydration."
"I can't help but be concerned when I see my dispatcher looking like he's in desperate need of milk."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Robert says, taking a sip of lukewarm coffee and hoping he looks convincing.
"You think I don't know what it looks like when a guy wants to suck on another guy's nipples and feels weird about it?"
Robert chokes on his coffee, but manages to swallow it. "That's--" he interrupts himself with a cough, "awfully specific."
Chad makes an eloquent gesture down at his--yes, we fucking see it, Chad--fabulous chest, and says, "I am an expert in this stuff, Bob-Bob."
"Fuck you."
"I mean, you could probably just ask him. He's lonely, he likes you..." Chad shrugs.
"We don't even known how any of this works for--" Robert buries his face in his hands. "Goddammit, get back to work!" And Flambae just laughs at him, the bastard, but he does leave, hopefully to go do his actual job.
* * *
Katon-Ur has been doing his best to become better at reading human expressions, and to match the visuals to their murky, changeable pheromones, which they take such care to hide. Truly, they are a difficult species to fully understand! But Robert seems to be anxious, as he pulls in a deep breath, and asks Katon-Ur if they may speak privately today, after work. He makes it very clear that Katon-Ur has done nothing wrong, which is very thoughtful of him. A lack of clarity about that is very disconcerting.
When the time comes, Katon-Ur is expecting a short conversation at Robert's cubicle, or perhaps in the custodial closet, but no. They are going on an outing together! This is very exciting. Robert chuckles when he says so. "Just coffee, Katon-Ur, but I'm glad you're happy."
Once they have found secluded seating at the cafe, and Robert has his coffee and Katon-Ur has his Unicorn Frappe, it turns out that Robert has a question about Urgotian culture. Strange, to want to be so private about it, but whatever makes him comfortable. Katon-Ur is always prepared to answer, even if it does make him feel that sad mixture of longing and resentment.
"I..." Robert looks away from Katon-Ur's face, his own taking on the pink color that means... any number of things, but this time it is almost definitely embarrassment. "That time when we were sick. And you... helped."
"When I induced lactation, to cure the team's Burning Sickness?" he asks, and Robert turns a deeper pink, sliding down in his seat.
"Yes," he squeaks, clutching at his coffee cup with both hands. He 'clears his throat' (Katon-Ur had been very alarmed, at all these throat-blockages, until Mandy had explained to him that the obstruction is usually an excess of lubricating fluids, and nothing really dangerous) and then says, "I just wanted to know, I guess, about what that kind of thing means socially, between Urgotians."
"The sharing of milk between adults?"
Robert nods. He is red, now. Katon-Ur knows that it is not a sign of sickness, but it still makes him uneasy, to see such a profound color change.
"It is an act that can take place within many types of relationships," Katon-Ur says. "Family share milk, friends and lovers frequently do, any concerned person would share with the Z-Team, as I did..." he stops, sensing one of those sudden shifts in Robert, a sort of shimmering crackle within his electrical field, and a wet slide in his pheromones. He feels a gentle, aching pull behind his nipples, and is suddenly and viscerally aware of Robert as thirsty, hungry, and so very small.
* * *
Oh god. Oh god. Holy fucking shit. What the fuck is Robert going to do? Katon-Ur offered to fucking nurse him with alien titty-milk and he said yes. Oh god. They're supposed to go back to Katon-Ur's apartment after work and Jesus, is Robert some kind of sexual predator, now? Katon-Ur said that Urgotians do share milk as a sex thing, but like, Robert had been too chickenshit to admit that for him there is definitely some kind of weird boner involved, and... ugh.
He should just cancel, but he feels like he's dying. Fuck! He'll just go. He'll just go, and he'll be honest like he should have been before, and it will be horrible, but he'll be able to do it because they won't be sitting in a coffee shop with normal people all around them and Katon-Ur talking at conversational volume and acting like nothing is weird. He got through being blown up, he'll get through this.
After work today? God, Robert is an idiot, and he almost wishes Chase didn't love Beef so much, and would ever give him pushback about last-minute dog-sitting. He can't even go home and shower first, he has to just grab one in the locker room and pray for death. At least this gives Flambae time to clear out of the building, so he doesn't see it when Katon-Ur comes to meet Robert in the parking lot. Or when Katon-Ur scoops him into his arms like this is a completely normal thing for the two of them.
Robert really need needs to stop hanging around metahumans. It's goddamn embarrassing, the way being carried makes him feel, and it only adds to the big, warm, tangled ball of emotions in his gut. And Katon-Ur says something about taking care to fly more slowly, with care for Robert as a smaller creature, and that does things to Robert that he's not fully prepared to think about.
What kind of place Robert was expecting an alien to have, he is not sure. Maybe a nice, but featureless apartment? Instead it's an actual 'party at a rich dude's house' kind of place, up in one of the canyons, and there are... "Katon-Ur, are those mountain lions on your terrace?" Jesus wept, those are mountain lions. Just... hanging by the pool. Lounging around like vacationing movie stars.
"Do not worry, Robert, I have had the pool water replaced, it is no longer poisonous to them."