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Wherein Jonny becomes an unwitting model, Christmas comes early for Sharpy, and there are just dicks everywhere.
(AU in which not every person is a pro hockey player, but most still are)
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Whatever his sisters may say, he’s not a total fucking idiot. He knows the chemistry of sexual attraction is a real thing. But when you’re doing porn, it sort of distills down just how true that is. He’s learned over the last few months it’s just easier to do scenes with certain people, not even necessarily the chicks he finds the most visually stunning, or the dudes with the most cut bodies.
Jonathan Toews is Patrick Kane's porn soulmate.
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oh i do love a porn au. and this was very very fun and uniquely formatted. good read, good read !!!!
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I’d Watch a Hundred Movies Just to See Your Smile by orphan_account
Fandoms: Men's Hockey RPF
22 Aug 2020
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Jonny was sure he was a beta his whole life, up until the day he found Patrick Kane stranded on the side of the road with his broken-down car. Things kind of snowballed from there.
— the a/b/o high school au no one asked for
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 31,307
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Comments:
- 176
- Kudos:
- 679
- Bookmarks:
- 112
- Hits:
- 17,827
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When Patrick loses hockey, he loses a part of himself with it. He might be running away from his old life by moving to a cabin in the Canadian woods, but the presence of his new neighbor helps.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 43,003
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 69
- Kudos:
- 422
- Bookmarks:
- 89
- Hits:
- 7,370
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Patrick laughs so hard he has to lean against the wall. “You’re telling me you bent over in wet swim trunks, and your ass was so big that they ripped?”
“I don’t see anything funny about it.” Jonny huffs, arms crossed while Patrick slides to the floor in a gasping heap.
Alternate summary: Jonny takes a trip to Charleston, South Carolina in the wake of the 2012 playoff ejection. There, he meets Patrick Kane, a marine biologist who has no business looking that hot while pulling plastic from a sea turtle’s mouth.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 32,251
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 37
- Kudos:
- 325
- Bookmarks:
- 63
- Hits:
- 6,039
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Jon can’t sleep, is too restless for the impending battle. Instead, he wonders the camp, slipping between tents and sleeping men with sword, shield and axe at the ready. It’s a pity, he thinks, that so many of them will be lost to the halls of Valhalla tomorrow. The battle is futile, the plans poorly thought out, and will be more poorly executed despite having the fortune of a wise man on their side. The only way he and his small band of men will make it through tomorrow is if the Gods will it.
He’s about to head back to his tent when he sees a glimmer of white in the corner of his eye. He turns, catching the edge of a robe disappearing behind a tent. He moves carefully, seeking without knowing what he’s looking for.
Or the Vikings AU no one actually needs in their life
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According to Patrick’s mom, ‘when you know, you know.’
It’s vague, potentially completely unhelpful, but Patrick thinks he can get that. He thinks that’s something he can understand.
He thinks maybe he’s always known.
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Fuck, how can he remember the shirt he'd been wearing when it happened? And in the same breath - how could he forget?
That’s the first time, his hands gripping the material, that Patrick wonders if he can do this - if he can really go. Live in a city that isn’t Chicago. Play for a team that isn’t the Blachawks. Sign with an organization where Jonny won’t be his captain.
If he can leave Jonny at all.
[It's February 2023 - Patrick Kane gets traded to the New York Rangers, and he realizes (for the second time) he likes the way that Jonny kisses him.]
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Brent looked down in alarm to see Jonny on the ice struggling to get up. His stomach turned at the sight.
He turned to Duncs, “what happened to Tazer?”
“Schwartz knocked him into the open door, looked painful.”
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In which the gay bar is Stalberg's idea and Kaner doesn't notice Jon pretending to be his boyfriend.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 42
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 30
- Kudos:
- 149
- Bookmarks:
- 22
- Hits:
- 6,276
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Patrick puts his head in his hands. “How could this get any worse?”
“Wait, it’s not like, a big deal is it?” Duncs asks, looking at him and Jonny in turn. “The way you and Jonny are weird about each other? She’s gotta have made her peace with it ages ago.”
A college AU.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 16,007
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 102
- Kudos:
- 2,544
- Bookmarks:
- 511
- Hits:
- 48,715
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"Dock porters need strong legs, good balance, ready smiles"-Town Crier, Mackinac Island, MI
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Johnny is a miserable bastard. Kaner is a needy fuck. They are meant for each other and also for summer on Mackinac Island, fratbro paradise.
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- Words:
- 103,317
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 4
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dark horse - noun
1. a candidate or competitor about whom little is known but who unexpectedly wins or succeeds.In the process of discovering Jonny has a huge dick, Patrick realizes more than a few things about himself - and turns their entire relationship upside down.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 135,091
- Chapters:
- 16/17
- Comments:
- 610
- Kudos:
- 1,068
- Bookmarks:
- 236
- Hits:
- 45,408
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Chapter 16. Hot heavy sex. Idiots in love. EXQUISITE
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non, je ne regrette rien by malkinisms (hannibalisms), orphan_account
Fandoms: Hockey RPF
02 Dec 2013
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So, Kaner has a beard. That's new. And strange. Because Kaner has proven for years that the beard is just beyond him, which is why he has the playoff mullet rather than the playoff beard, so when Jonny sees him for the first time at the end of the break, he doesn't really know what to say, aside from chirping him.
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Kaner walks in on his two best friends and for some reason he decides not to walk back out. Starring: possible actual sex god Patrick Sharp, Captain Seriously into being tied up, and a Kaner who never says no (just like the real thing!)
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The one where a bunch of Blackhawks inexplicably go to boarding school, Tazer is the world's meanest DM, and Pat doesn't know why anyone would think cutting the head off a hydra was good idea.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 42
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 13
- Kudos:
- 61
- Bookmarks:
- 12
- Hits:
- 2,228
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Bookmark Notes:
oh em gee
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Patrick Kane has been a carrier all of his life. He hasn't allowed himself to think much about what that means, until, suddenly, he has the opportunity to do something about the way that carriers are treated. Not write it on a sign and picket abortion clinics or write an article or hold a press conference. But, do this. Have a baby. Be a father. Play hockey. All of it. Show them that it can be done. That a carrier can do everything. Play hockey, be a good father, have all of it. Just like everyone else.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 40,103
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 10
- Kudos:
- 380
- Bookmarks:
- 78
- Hits:
- 13,230
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Bookmark Notes:
I'm totally going to end up looking for the fic with the article that goes "I am sorry to say that I am a New Yorker tonight"
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“I still think about it,” Patrick says, against his jaw, “fuck, do I still think about it.”
Jonny breathes hard, his hands tight on Patrick’s slim hips, and comes to a decision, he can protect himself or he can be open. He can only live his truth. “All the time,” he admits, pulling Patrick tight against him.
*
A story of two idiots who've been in love for twenty years finally getting together in 2021.
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Patrick discovers BDSM porn, finds a dom and falls in love.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 106,160
- Chapters:
- 15/15
- Comments:
- 271
- Kudos:
- 839
- Bookmarks:
- 194
- Hits:
- 36,921
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Ds.
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