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Good publicity by Bergen
Fandoms: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
22 Mar 2020
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Summary
“That was a disaster. The press is having a field day.”
“It wasn’t my fault,” Tony defends. “That Spider-Guy never knows when to shut up. He distracted me.”
“Your reputation took a blow,” Pepper tells him. “Which will be fixed, of course. I’ve already set it up.”
“Set what up? What, am I going to make flower arrangements with the elderly?”
Pepper slides a piece of paper towards him. “Try an orphan. His name is Peter Parker. His biggest dream is to meet you. But…” She hesitates.
“But?”
“Apparently he doesn’t talk much. Sometimes not at all. Trauma-related.”
“A smart kid who doesn’t talk? Perfect combination. If only all my employees were like that.”
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Or: Between Peter Parker barely speaking, and Spider-Man being the ultimate chatterbox, how was Tony ever supposed to figure out that they were one and the same person?- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 16,279
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Collections:
- 80
- Comments:
- 788
- Kudos:
- 27,982
- Bookmarks:
- 5,548
- Hits:
- 254,986
Bookmarked by UtterAbsurdity
18 Dec 2025
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A failed future. The Fourth Shinobi War had limped into its tenth year, and the resistance with it.
With a desperate seal, Tobirama woke up in the Warring States and started changing the pieces.
Time-travel AU. Time-Travel! Tobirama.Bookmarked by UtterAbsurdity
14 Dec 2025
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In the perfect world, Hatake Kakashi doesn't exist.
Bookmarked by UtterAbsurdity
01 Dec 2025
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“Tell me. Robert Robertson the Third. Mecha Man. Hero.” There’s something soft in the thing’s voice. Almost reverent. “What do you want?”
His body wants to shut down. His mind wishes for oblivion. The answer is obvious.
“Put me…back into…the fight.” He rasps.
“Very well,” he can hear it smiling, “let’s get to work.”
Or, in simpler terms…let’s do it all over again.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 50,699
- Chapters:
- 18/?
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 857
- Kudos:
- 1,921
- Bookmarks:
- 521
- Hits:
- 37,518
Bookmarked by UtterAbsurdity
29 Nov 2025
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Robert is struggling now that he’s defeated Shroud, the last fifteen years had all lead to this, and now that its over, he not sure what to do. He should return as Mecha Man of course, that was what he had wanted wasn’t it? …Wasn’t it?
He's all but ready to push these thoughts away until a certain fiery hero begins ambushing his dreams, bringing all his problems to the surface.
Flambae’s eyes lit as his gaze roamed Robert's frame, sinking lower and lower until they finally rose back up to stare down his tired face. “Wow, you look like—shittier than usual today. What the fuck happened to you?”
Robert held out his hand, folding his fingers as he listed off points, “Dead phone, no alarm, oh, and an asshole shoved himself in my face as soon as I got to work.”
Flambae’s grimace shifted to a smirk at the shorter man’s words, “You know your…” He fingered the collar of Robert’s shirt, and he could swear the man's fingers were about to burn right through the thin fabric, the heat of them nearly searing his skin.
Bookmarked by UtterAbsurdity
28 Nov 2025
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Turns out, HR is a real thing in SDN. Turns out, they like to blackmail their own employees into agreeing to a documentary about their rag tag group of fuck ups turned marketable heroes.
Also, turns out the Internet loves a good sexy, miserable, tired and overworked man.
Cue Robert Robertson, entering stage left.
Aka the world discovers Robert and maybe Z-team does too, in a more intimate way.
Bookmarked by UtterAbsurdity
28 Nov 2025
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- Words:
- 5,514
- Works:
- 4
- Bookmarks:
- 20
Bookmarked by UtterAbsurdity
28 Nov 2025
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Summary
Somehow—throughout everything—Robert maintains plausible deniability about the whole “Mecha Man” thing without really trying. This changes virtually nothing.
Until it’s over. And then, suddenly, it does.
Series
- Part 1 of “it’s him or me,” and other false dichotomies
- Part 4 of assorted dispatch stuff
Bookmarked by UtterAbsurdity
28 Nov 2025
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Burning Through the Sky by erikakathryn
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, White Collar (TV 2009)
12 Nov 2025
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Summary
Neal Caffrey has always loved showing off, to the dismay of the White Collar team.
Nothing lasts forever, not even a conman's charm.
AKA: say hello to your mandatory training instructor, Slade Wilson
—
BW 365 Day One Word Prompts Challenge - Day 315 - "Seize"
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,605
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 26
- Kudos:
- 451
- Bookmarks:
- 30
- Hits:
- 2,738
Bookmarked by UtterAbsurdity
26 Nov 2025
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the off season (sports AUs) by Trisdani
Fandom: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Nightwing (Comics)
12 Nov 2025
- Words:
- 58,103
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 32
Bookmarked by UtterAbsurdity
26 Nov 2025
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Summary
Robert Robertson has an interesting relationship with food, to say the least. The Z-team is not having any of that.
Bookmarked by UtterAbsurdity
20 Nov 2025
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Tobirama had never heard of this so-called omega ward, but since Konoha's hospital was Hashirama's pet project, that wasn't entirely surprising. A dedicated ward for long-term care seemed rather sensible, to be honest.
Still. Pillow forts? Ridiculous.
And probably exactly in line with what Hashirama envisioned when he created this ward behind Tobirama's back.
Bookmarked by UtterAbsurdity
20 Nov 2025
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Malevola has him pinned against her side, hanging onto him like she’s afraid he’s going to get swallowed by the drunken crowd. Sonar is on her other side, ears glowing faintly with the strobe lights as he knocks into her repeatedly.
Visi swings by, wipes the corner of his mouth, then disappears. Hot hands find his head a second- seconds? minutes? later. The flash of orange and black coming closer has him swaying dangerously to catch whatever Flambae starts to mutter against his ear. Something about shitty music?
Coop saunters past with a glint of metal, prying the empty tumbler from his hand. Punch Up appears with a full one to replace it. It makes his face flush when he takes a swig.
“Yo! Anyone seen Golem?” Prism pushes through. She’s got Waterboy by the wrist; She might be about to use him to purposely slip people and get them out of her way. Phenomaman is floating after them.
Visi comes back again, this time with Blazer holding on for dear life. They’re hugging like it’s the end of the world instead of just being drunk in a shitty bar. Blazer smiles, dimples showing. His vision swims.
The whiskey burns. So does the ache in his chest.
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Sometimes a drink feels like family.
Series
- Part 1 of stuck to the bottom of my glass
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15,931
- Chapters:
- 2/?
- Comments:
- 171
- Kudos:
- 1,613
- Bookmarks:
- 433
- Hits:
- 15,197
Bookmarked by UtterAbsurdity
20 Nov 2025
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Summary
"Just one hint," Malevola pleaded. Prism leaned against her chair, eyeing Robert expectantly.
Robert stared at them briefly, deliberating over his response. He settled on honesty. They wouldn't believe him, and they wouldn't be able to link it to his identity as Mecha Man anyway.
"Sure. I can't die."
Prism sighed in frustration. "Oh come on! Don't be like that."
_______________________________________Robert Robertson III was eight when he realized he had a super power. It was also the first time he died.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 68,749
- Chapters:
- 10/?
- Comments:
- 838
- Kudos:
- 5,356
- Bookmarks:
- 1,266
- Hits:
- 76,398
Bookmarked by UtterAbsurdity
20 Nov 2025
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Summary
A random villain-of-the-week makes Robert late for work. It's only by a few minutes, yet the encounter that hardly lasted a few seconds instills a sudden chill in Robert's bones. Its persistence is matched only by the Z-Team's stubbornness as they force their dispatcher to join them in activities they think will warm him up.
But none of it matters if Robert can't learn to believe he'll ever be warm again... or that he deserves the warmth this team brings him.
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Post-Episode 8 (Good/Pacifist/No Romance/Everyone is Forgiven ending)
Trigger Warnings: Self-destructive/self-harming tendencies, suicidal ideation/thoughts, near-death experience(s)- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 32,919
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Collections:
- 7
- Comments:
- 713
- Kudos:
- 3,584
- Bookmarks:
- 731
- Hits:
- 41,066
Bookmarked by UtterAbsurdity
19 Nov 2025
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My hands are not clean (they can still carry you home) by Arcturus_Ish
Fandoms: Dispatch (Video Game)
30 Nov 2025
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Summary
The thing about plastic chairs is that they weren't a great substitute for an actual bed; the other thing is, Robert can't exactly afford to be picky and even if he 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 the internal debate is still ongoing as to whether or not he deserves a mattress at this current point in his life.
So, the plastic chair stays and is staying for the foreseeable future. Besides, it's charming - in a depressing, minimalism-that-is-totally-not-a-reflection-of-his-inner-sense-of-worth way.
Or:The fic where Robert has chronic pain and Flambae has warm hands. The two of them will figure out what to do about that eventually, right?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 37,526
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Comments:
- 655
- Kudos:
- 7,894
- Bookmarks:
- 1,444
- Hits:
- 80,910
Bookmarked by UtterAbsurdity
16 Nov 2025
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Harry Potter and the God of Heroes by The_Personless_Persona
Fandoms: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Ancient Greek Religion & Lore
27 Oct 2025
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Summary
In his approximately three thousand years of life, Perseus (also going by various monikers, such as the God of Heroes, the God in Chains, the Shield of Olympus, etcetera, etcetera, although he preferred Percy) had met many mortals, few of whom had ever made much of an impression on him. But when his old friend Albus Dumbledore asks him for help to face a threat Percy knows all too well, he feels duty-bound to accept.
Tom Riddle has returned to power and the Ministry is more interested in controlling Hogwarts than protecting its students. Enter Professor Jackson: young-looking, mysteriously powerful, and completely unimpressed by authority. His Defence classes focus on one simple lesson: How Not to Die.Harry Potter feels an odd connection to his new professor, something that makes his scar prickle with warmth rather than pain. Professor Jackson seems familiar in a way Harry can't explain, and as Harry grows closer to his erstwhile mentor, he realises there's far more to the man than meets the eye.
Series
- Part 1 of The God of Heroes
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 141,220
- Chapters:
- 20/20
- Comments:
- 278
- Kudos:
- 889
- Bookmarks:
- 257
- Hits:
- 34,493
Bookmarked by UtterAbsurdity
13 Nov 2025
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Summary
"—not kill him, understood?!" Obito growls in exasperation.
There's a displeased grunt and the sound of metal clicking against teeth.
"As much as I would like to agree with you, Genma," Raidō tries civilly, "we can use him for information. I just don't... I just don't understand why he's dressed in pajamas..."
There's a prolonged silence following that statement. Kakashi can practically feel their eyes burning into his skin. It isn't his fault that he ended up here, he doesn't even know how or why it happened in the first place, so if he is dressed for sleep, then the guys should cut him some slack.
Or Kakashi wakes up in a different world and he isn't sure if he likes what he finds there.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 61,462
- Chapters:
- 12/24
- Collections:
- 7
- Comments:
- 398
- Kudos:
- 3,582
- Bookmarks:
- 818
- Hits:
- 52,098
Bookmarked by UtterAbsurdity
13 Nov 2025
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Summary
He is relieved, but he regrets, and yet those regrets mean nothing—
“I wouldn’t quite say it means nothing, young Senju.”
“A gift,” it tells him, two points of white-hot heat carving themselves into where his two palms should be, “A second chance, for your regrets.”
Tobirama can’t breathe—
or; the sage of six paths shoves a dying tobirama’s soul into his younger body, which is about to use the hiraishin to kill uchiha izuna.
(ft. zetsu getting his ass beat, an exasperated but burnt-out tobirama, copius amounts of pining, izuna deciding tobirama is now his very best friend (how did that happen?), various sticky uchiha children, madara being an idiot, complicated love triangles and/or squares and/or shapes, etc.)
Series
- Part 3 of two graves, one gun
Bookmarked by UtterAbsurdity
26 Oct 2025
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Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me by garbage_bug
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010)
17 May 2025
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Summary
It had been six months since Jason returned to Gotham. Six months since he donned a red helmet and stole the former moniker of a deranged psycho who had tortured and murdered him. Six months since he realized that his original plan of forcing Batman to choose between him and his murderer was actually completely fucking pointless.
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Jason abandons his plan for revenge and settles for avoiding the bats while cleaning up Crime Alley. Things don't go as planned...
Bookmarked by UtterAbsurdity
21 Oct 2025