Chapter Text
"Do I really need to carry that many knives?" Deadpool Peter asked after finding another secret place for a knife in Deadpool's suit.
Daredevil Wade nodded without hesitation. "Look, we want to be realistic here, okay?"
"But no one will even know if I have a hidden knife in my boot or not."
Wade put on the Daredevil cowl. "Well, what happens when you'll need a knife from your boot and your boot will be empty, huh?"
"I'm sure I'll find a knife in some secret pocket under your armpit or something." Peter mumbled.
Wade ignored him and looked in the mirror to see himself in the full Daredevil costume.
He snorted. "Okay now to the more important thing. How the hell does Matty manage to be threatening while wearing these ridiculous horns?"
Spider-man Matt, who was struggling to put on the tight spandex for the last ten minutes, groaned. "I was thinking of abandoning them but Foggy said it's the brand now."
Wade posed like an Instagram girl in front of the mirror. "The man is saying nothing but the truth."
Matt rolled his eyes. "I'm not dumb, I know he's finding them funny too."
Peter raised an eyebrow in confusion. "So, why are you still wearing them?"
"I need to let him have his secret revenge unless I want to be yelled at even more than I am normally."
Peter snickered while carefully putting Wade's katanas in their place behind his back.
Wade sighed dreamily. "Ah young love."
Matt finally managed to put on the Spider-man suit, minus the mask, and fell down on the sofa, needing to catch his breath after that workout.
It was a dumb idea.
It really was. And they knew that. Of course they did. But for some reason when Wade was telling them his 'genius idea of the day' (definitely his words), Peter and Matt didn't immediately roll their eyes and told him to maybe not have ideas. In general.
But this time they just stared, not with disbelief or disappointment but with... awe? It was hard to admit but the idea was kind of genius. Changing suits and pretending to be each other? Brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spectacular- okay no. Wade doesn't deserve that much praise. Especially how all of his previous ideas sucked. (Creating their own dance routine to show it to the tied-up criminals as an 'alpha' move? Really, Wade?)
But this one felt really funny, the possibilities are endless and all that jazz. It was kind of revenge in a way too, since people always managed to confuse the three of them. Sure, they all like wearing red and fighting crime because they have deeply traumatizing backstories and constant guilt over things they can't control BUT they're actually totally different people and it was rude to think otherwise.
So yeah, they were doing this. And they will probably going to regret it. But that doesn't matter. Because at this moment they were so pumped up with the adrenaline of being someone different for one night, that the consequences of their questionable actions didn't catch up yet. Which means they have to hurry.
Peter throwed his web-shooters at Matt knowing he'll catch them. The blind man inspected them carefully and put them on.
Wade whined. "Uhh why do I have to be Daredevil? I want to be Spidey and shoot webs and swing through the city and be a god to all the spiders."
"Yeah, that's why you're not Spider-man." Peter said dryly.
But Wade was already on a different trail of thought. "Wait, Matty where are your stick thingies?"
"It's called a billy club and it should be in that closet." Matt pointed at a tired looking closet. Well, he pointed to a spot on the wall next to the closet but the point was made.
Wade found the 'stick thingies' and tried to do cool moves with them. And he actually succeeded in that. He was swinging the two billy clubs in various directions while doing kicks and punches in the air. Sometimes Peter forgot Wade was actually a really skillful mercenary who could use anything as a weapon.
The said skillfully mercenary giggled. "These are so cool. I'm gonna kick so much ass tonight."
"Not too much." Matt warned. "You need to remember who you're dressed as."
Wade rolled his eyes as if that was the most boring thing he ever heard. "Don't worry, your reputation as the I-don't-kill-but-I'll-throw-you-off-the-building will be safe in my hands." He saluted.
Matt fell quiet, definitely not convinced at the promise but decided to let that go. "Good." He said simply.
They were all wearing the costumes now. Wade was still posing in the mirror, now with the billy clubs, while Peter was practicing pulling out the katanas and putting them back (he refused to use Wade's guns, even if they had rubber bullets). Peter didn't want to admit it but he was kind of living his childhood ninja fantasy right now. And Matt, once he got used to the weird feeling of spandex around him, decided to test out the web-shooters. Which basically ended up with him knocking off various items from the table and decorating his apartment with strings of webs, one web even got stuck on the ceiling and just hung there awkwardly.
After ten minutes of controlled chaos and many wows and oohs, the three men finally decided to actually go out.
They climbed up to Matt's apartment's roof and stretched out in their new suits for one last time.
"Before we go," Started Peter. "Should we make some rules for each other or something? Just so that things... don't go off the rails?" He made some awkward gestures with his hands.
Matt nodded in agreement. "That would probably be for the best." He gave Wade a look which meant 'you're the reason we need to have this conversation' and the merc sighed, not surprised at all.
Which was why Wade decided to start first. "Webs, my only rule is you have to keep my reputation of being the funniest and coolest mercenary there is. Whatever it takes." He whispered the last part darkly.
Peter rolled his eyes (could they see that? Deadpool's mask was famous for its weird expressions) and smiled sarcastically. "Shouldn't be hard since that reputation doesn't exist."
"Hey!-"
But Peter was now talking to Matt, ignoring Wade. "I guess my rule is for you to pay attention to the smaller crimes as well. I know you're more used to fighting the big guys but Spider-man is the kind of hero who helps old grannies cross the road, you get me?"
Matt nodded his head. "Yeah, I get it." He can be the friendly neighborhood Spider-man for one day, right? It could be even relaxing to not think about corruption and one-thousand-year-old evil organizations.
Matt was the last to say his rules. "Wade." He said just so the man would stop fantasizing in his head. Yes, he could tell.
The merc in Devil's clothing batted his eyelashes innocently. "Yes, Spidey?"
The blind man didn't laugh at his joke. "No killing, no dumb references, no dick jokes, no singing while fighting, no flirting, no guns, no-"
"Okay okay I get it. Basically, don't be myself." Wade said grumpily.
"Basically, yes." Matt agreed.
"Fine, I swear I won't do any of those things and be the best Daredevil the world has ever seen."
Matt sensed his lie but let it go. The consequences didn't quite catch up yet so he still felt like maybe this won't be that bad.
Peter clapped once. "Great! I guess... See you later?"
They all decided to patrol alone tonight since some of them already had plans. Daredevil was supposed to stop an illegal drug trafficking job and Deadpool said he had some kind of job as well (when Peter asked what it was, Wade admitted to not knowing yet and just gave him his burner phone with the only contact there being 'Weasel'). Spider-man was the only one who didn't have some specific plans but he rarely did.
The three men looked at each other. Maybe those consequences were getting close now.
That's why Wade quickly shouted, "See ya!" and throwed himself off the roof. Matt managed to think how bloody his suit will be after the merc will be done with it.
But he pushed that thought out of his head and shoot out a web to the building across from him to swing himself in the direction Spider-man usually patrolled.
Peter was left standing alone on the roof. He sighed and started to look for a fire escape to climb down. Without his web-shooters or Wade's incredible healing factor, he probably should stay closer to the ground.
Though he will definitely check out every Deadpool's pouch and figure out how the hell he carries so many unnecessary and random things. What? It's a mystery he has to unlock!