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It started out with small things, the third time Stede was passed over as the storyteller of a nighttime; the crew instead turned to Edward and Izzy for stories recounting their days as fearsome Captain Blackbeard and his ruthless First Mate hands. Usually, it would just be Ed enthralling the crew with tales, but often enough Izzy would jump into fact-check. Stede would sit and listen, the same as anyone else, and try not to let the rising beat of jealousy or inferiority show. He was so so proud of Izzy for trusting the crew enough to joke around like that with them, and the bitter taste of jealousy made his stomach churn.
Other times it would be the nightmares, where Izzy or Edward would wake up with a shout, and only seek out comfort from one another. Stede understood, of course he did. He could never hope to understand the depths of their shared trauma. But the lump in his throat as he settled onto the chaise lounge for the evening was hard to swallow down, as was the guilt for being upset.
Stede understood nightmares. He knew how awful it was to wake up in the middle of the night, disorientated and panicked. But Stede never woke up screaming, and Stede never woke his partners. He would simply slip out of bed, arms pulled tight around his torso, and lock himself in one of his secret rooms. He was certain that only Lucius knew them all, as he had to shadow Stede when writing his journal. Edward and Israel only knew about the auxiliary wardrobe.
He was quite fortunate that Ed was a deep sleeper and Izzy didn’t seem too inclined to question him when Stede rose in the middle of the night; Izzy would wait a moment to figure out if the sudden noise and movement was an indication of danger, and when he figured it was just Stede, he would roll back over and curl into Ed’s warmth. Stede was very good at waiting to be alone before he started crying. He was very good at being good and being quiet.
As much as it hurt Stede to watch Izzy so easily dismiss his leavings, which had increased in frequency as of late, he was relieved to see that he had become more relaxed with them. More relaxed around Ed. Neither of them was willing to discuss what had happened while Stede was away, but he knew that they had both pushed one another too far. He heard them sometimes, when they thought he was already asleep, whispering softly about trust and communication, and about how different it was on Stede’s ship. He was so happy that his boyfriends were talking things through, but he yearned to be a part of those conversations sometimes.
Everything took a turn for the worse during a raid. Stede had frozen up, of course he had , and Izzy almost took a blade covering for him, which distracted Ed , who then also had to narrowly avoid being run through.
Izzy didn’t hold back once they were safely on the Revenge. “Are you fucking thick, Bonnet?!” He jabbed a hand into Stede’s chest, crowding his space. “Have you learned fucking nothing, you twat? If you keep fucking up like that, you’re gonna get your whole fucking crew slaughtered, you hear me?!” At some point during his rant, Stede’s eyes had slipped away from Izzy’s face, settling behind his shoulder at the smoking vessel fading into the distance.
He took a steadying breath, ignoring how his throat constricted “I’m sorry, Izzy. It won’t happen again.” He plastered on a smile and took a step back. “At least nobody was hurt, right?” He fell back into the ditzy rich boy facade with practised ease.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
“Yeah, no fucking thanks to you.” Izzy hissed, turning away. “Useless fucking ponce.” He muttered, far too quietly for anybody else to hear. Stede knew that Izzy was lashing out because he had been afraid of losing him, and afraid of losing Edward. Anybody else on the crew would consider that verbal dressing-down ‘getting off light’ in comparison to how Izzy usually treats them after a butchered raid.
At least he had the decency to chew him out away from the rest of the crew, away from Edward.
Stede managed to disappear before the mandatory debrief, hiding himself away quietly until he heard the telltale sounds of Ed and Izzy settling in for the night.
“Oi, Iz, have you seen Stede?” Edward asked, voice coming closer to the wall separating him from the very man he was asking about.
“No, he fucked off after I got in his face about fucking up earlier.” Izzy sounded tired and resigned.
Stede made Izzy sound tired and resigned.
“Well why the fuck did you do that, mate? You know what he’s like.” Ed sighed heavily, his footsteps moving away.
“I know. Can we not? I feel fucking shitty enough, Edward.” Izzy snapped, and Ed’s footsteps stopped.
“Should we go look for him?”
“What the fuck for? He’s an adult. He can come to bed when he’s ready.”
They were both silent for a few more moments. Stede held his breath. He heard quiet goodnights and te sound of heavy blankets shifting.
He waited for what felt like hours until he was sure they were both asleep, he tread softly through the passageways until he reached the main deck, sneaking out through the concealed entrance and making his way back to his cabin via the main entrance. He didn’t want to disturb either of the sleeping figures in the bed, so he changed into his nightclothes quietly and settled onto the couch, a throw blanket doing little to stifle the shivering panic that swept through him.
Stede worked harder after that, attending every training session with any member of the crew willing to spare a few minutes duelling with him. He worked on stances and practised attacking wooden beams below deck once everybody else had retired for the night. He refused to be caught unawares again, he would never put any of his crew in danger again.
Jim offered to teach him knife throwing, and a few other members of the crew eagerly suggested and-to-had combat sessions. It was a ship-wide opportunity, and everyone was able to learn and improve together. Stede was more than pleased that his ineptitude had managed to turn into a positive experience for his crew, rather than a chore that they were forced to participate in.
He had improved by leagues, managing more than once to disarm his sparring partner or incapacitate his opponent. He left each training session feeling more and more prepared for their next raid
Except, when the time came, Stede was politely asked to stay behind.
“Izzy and I have been talking, and we think it might be best if you sit this one out, mate. Just like… Until you can hold your own with a sword, yeah?” He smiled so softly, reaching out a hand and pushing a stray curl from Stede’s forehead. “We want you to stay safe.” He pressed a chaste kiss to Stede’s lips before rushing out the door, leaving little time for any kind of response.
They hadn’t noticed.
Stede had been working with the crew for hours every single day and improving every day and they didn’t notice!
Everybody returned safe, arms were laden with an abundance of goods. Pete all but dropped his items as Lucius (who had also stayed behind, though of his own accord) rushed towards him, pulling his boyfriend into an almost filthy kiss. Stede was not jealous of how easily they displayed affection. His eyes trailed across to where his own partners were talking lowly about their spoils, it was several minutes more before either of them so much as greeted him.
He woke up that night with a sharp gasp, images of his Ed and Izzy bleeding out before him, his hands covered in their blood as he watched them die. He turned desperately to the other side, only to find that Edward and Izzy were curled together tightly, a cold gap between them and Stede.
It was fine. Stede was fine.
He stumbled out of bed and out of the cabin, a hand clasped over his mouth in a futile attempt to stop the sounds of choked sobs and ragged breathing from escaping.
He managed to end up in the ship’s hold, amongst piles of cargo and stolen loot. He wedged himself between a crate and the wall, an old net piled underneath him to protect him from the harshness of the wooden floor beneath him.
Finally, finally, Stede was able to let himself go. He sobbed loudly, each breath he drew soaked in the sound of heartbreak . Stede Bonnet had been far too quiet for far too long, and it was suffocating him.
He had only ever wanted to be a first choice. Not an afterthought. To be held and to be loved.
Stede had always given himself away to everyone. He gave away his heart disguised as fancy clothes or jewels, his love was tucked safely away in every piece of advice freely given. Even when he had nothing left, Stede Bonnet was never able to exist for himself. He had never been allowed to exist for himself. He had been giving himself away for so long that he didn’t know if he could ever feel whole again.
But that night, hidden far enough away that nobody would hear him, Stede allowed himself to cry. To mourn the young boy who had been broken so beyond repair that he passed out the pieces of himself; a futile effort to finally make people see him, make them love him. In the morning he would go back to his cabin, he would apologise to his partners and would rebuild himself to be better for them. But for the night, he was able to sit and cry, and exist
***
“Captain? Are you down here?” Stede startled awake, heart beating rapidly at the sudden noise. Lucius walked hesitantly into the hold, and multiple sets of footsteps followed.
“Ah, yes! Sorry. Am I late for a meeting?” He called, wincing as he pulled himself up. It didn’t take long for him to come face-to-face with Lucius, Frenchie, Wee John and Black Pete, all huddled together in the entryway.
“Ah, no. Captain Blackbeard and Mr Hands are looking for you.” Frenchie piped up from behind Lucius, wincing empathetically.
“Cap’n, have you been crying ?” John asked, earning a rather unsubtle elbow to the ribs from his crewmates.
“Ah, not to worry, Wee John! I’m okay. Let's see if he can’t sort out the dramatics of my lovely co-captain and first mate, hmm?” He brushed past them, ignoring the frantic whispers following him as he made his way back to his quarters.
The sound of arguing reached him before he made it to the door.
“He wouldn’t just fucking leave, Izzy! Christ, we fucking talked about this!” Edward shouted, the sound of something heavy clattering inside.
“I don’t give a fuck what you talked about, Edward. ” Izzy’s sneer was audible. “He’s fucking done it before, old habits, yeah? Left his wife, what, then left you for his wife.” The crew winced. “Who’s to say he wouldn’t leave you again?” Izzy demanded, there was a tense silence before the sound of a thud had Stede rushing into the room.
The scene he was met with was not pretty. Doors were thrown open, books, blankets and cushions strewn about everywhere. Clearly, Lucius had snitched, as there was more than one secret door now hanging open. And in the centre, Edward had pushed Izzy against a wall, a hand around his throat, leaning in close to him. He looked angrier than Stede could ever remember seeing him.
“Don’t ever fucking say that again, you hear me?!” Edward spoke softly, still unaware of his audience.
“Afraid of the truth, captain?” Izzy goaded, not even bothering to try and free from the hold.
Stede stepped forward as confidently as he could.
“Okay, that is enough! ” He said, hands on his hips, in any other situation he might find it amusing that he was using his parenting voice on them, but he was far too consumed by worry and guilt. “I don’t know what the hell is going on here, but for christ’s sake, this isn’t the way to solve the issue.” He continued, glaring at them both. Edward dropped his hands, stepping away from Izzy. There was a tense moment before Izzy spoke up.
“And where the fuck have you been?” His voice was hoarser than usual, and there was the beginnings of red bruisings creeping up from his cravat.
Stede floundered for a moment. “I went for a walk last night and fell asleep in the hold.” He admitted, it had been Izzy who taught him that the best lies were the truth, and he hoped that advice would serve him well in the moment. “Now, what on Earth is going on in here?”
There was an even longer pause.
“We woke up and you were gone.” Izzy said, glancing awkwardly between Edward and Stede.
“Izzy thought you left again.” Ed added, swallowing heavily.
Stede took a deep breath, running a hand across his face.
“And your first course of action was to completely trash our bedroom, and then begin a shouting match that was concerning enough that our crew ended up forming search parties to come and find me?” He ventured, raising his eyebrows.
Edward went to comment but Stede wasn’t finished.
“Not only that but to accuse me of leaving with no actual evidence? Yes, I am more than aware of my past actions, Izzy.” He spoke, cutting Izzy off as he opened his mouth to argue.
“We have had many conversations about our relationship and my position both as captain and on this crew. I have sworn to you both that I am committed to you and to our crew.” Stede’s voice remained steady even as his heart beat wildly, anxiety clawing at his throat. “Does that mean nothing to you?” He almost felt a sick satisfaction at the ashamed face Izzy now sported, looking away. “I am sorry that I worried you both,” He added softly, moving towards them and taking their hands in his. “But you need to trust me for this to work, yes?” He looked between them, hoping that the gravity of his words would sink in.
They both mumbled their agreeance, interspersed with more apologies.
Stede let them both get back to work after that, making sure to check on Izzy’s neck before he let the man leave, offering him some salve if the bruising continued to develop.
Once he was alone, Stede felt the facade crack. The fact that Izzy would so easily believe Stede would leave them again was almost too much for him to bare. He breathed through it, cleaning up the room diligently. He had to work harder to make them realise he was staying. He needed to be the perfect partner, no longer causing them stress or worry. Stede could do that. He had been moulded all of his life to become better. A better son, a better husband, a better father. He could handle this too. His heart couldn’t bare to be a burden any longer.
No, Stede was going to become perfect.
***
It was about a week later when they decided to make port to gather supplies. A thinly veiled excuse for a shopping trip for Stede, to be completely honest.
Izzy, Edward and Stede wandered off together, Stede lagging slightly behind. The already crowded walkway didn’t allow for more than two people to walk alongside one another, and he didn’t want to push Izzy and Edward away from one another. They eventually entered the tailor shop that Stede had requested they visit, he ignored the jab at fancy clothes being ‘ a waste of fucking resources ’ and continued into the heart of the store, fancy fabrics lined the walls, as well as pre-made garments hanging beautifully on various racks.
“Izzy! Izzy, come take a look at this shit!” Edward called excitedly, luring both Izzy and Stede from their browsing. “Doesn’t this remind you of the fucking guy? You know that one time with the-“ Ed gestured wildly, the square of fabric, dyed a ghastly shade, waving in Izzy’s face.
The shorter man let out an honest-to-god bark of laughter, pulling the cloth closer for inspection.
“Holy fuck, I forgot about that fucking prick.” Izzy grinned, there was clearly a story there.
“What happened?” Stede asked, leaning closer to the pair to glance at the fabric.
“Oh nah, man. You just had to be there!” Edward said, clasping a hand down on Izzy’s shoulder.
“Oh. Oh yeah, of course.” Stede nodded, mostly to himself. “Yeah. Sorry.” He struggled to smile up at Edward.
Izzy frowned for a moment, staring directly at Stede. He knew what it felt like to be glanced over by Edward. He knew that tone and recognised the slump of Stede’s shoulders as he wandered back to the rows of silk. Before he could say something, he didn’t even know what he planned to say, Edward was dragging him back into a conversation about some fucking blast from the past.
Stede didn’t come near their corner of the shop until it was time to head back, and it wasn’t until they were already halfway home that Izzy realised that he hadn’t bought a single thing.
It continued on like that for a few weeks, Stede realising more and more that he didn't quite fit with his boyfriends. He wanted nothing more than to disappear, to relieve them of the burden that was loving Stede Bonnet. Or… the burden of tolerating him at least. But he couldn’t do that, not when he had promised, sworn on his life to never leave them or the crew again. So he just… distanced himself.
He had promised himself that he would be perfect for them. In order for that to happen, he had to become less. Less needy. Less annoying. Less in the way.
He would wake earlier, spend more time in the bath, would linger with the crew after telling them stories, and on a few memorable occasions he even went so far as to feign sleep during a late-night crew hangout.
He always woke up in his own bed, of course.
And it wasn’t as if Edward and Izzy neglected him completely, or treated him any differently than they did one another, it’s just that Stede had a different communication style is all, and he needed more physical reassurances than the other two. So if anything, it was his fault for being so needy. And it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as how he felt when he had been married to Mary, so of course, he was simply overreacting.
Edward still took time to have tea with him, or explore the wonders of the fabrics in his auxiliary closet, sometimes they would plan raids together or spend time in the crow’s nest just sitting and talking for hours.
Izzy would walk him through sword-fighting techniques, they would spend hours discussing tasks that needed to be done on the ship, educating Stede about what life was like on the sea. The two of them, and occasionally Lucius, would read together in the captain’s quarters, spending hours discussing the characters and stories.
It was nice. It was good. Stede was fine.
If he cried quietly in the bath every time he had one, that was his own business. If he felt choked by tears to the point he could hardly draw a full breath, lest he drew the attention of the other occupants of his quarters, that was his on business. He was fine.
Stede noticed more and more how well Edward and Izzy worked together, they flowed seamlessly in whatever the task was; they fought fluidly, moving around one another and never leaving the other unprotected. Unless they had to protect Stede, who had failed yet again. When cleaning and maintaining the ship they would work around one another with practised ease, hardly even needing to speak to one another to communicate. Unlike Stede, who hardly knew his way around the ship he designed.
He could see that having to pick up his slack was wearing his boyfriends and his crew thin, one captain is better than one captain and an inept ( lily-livered little rich boy ) man playing pretend. So he stepped back, refrained from inviting himself along on group activities, gave Ed and Izzy more alone time, and worked on becoming a better partner and a better captain. He of course still joined in when he was invited, and cherished the time he could spend with his family. But he was subdued, so focused on not being too much. He spoke only when spoken to, and kept all of his unseemly reactions and thoughts to himself. Too much gentleman, not enough pirate. He had to be better, he would be better. He just needed time.
They noticed, of course. It was a fine line between ‘ not needy ’ and ‘ aloof ’ and Stede had just about crossed it when he had been pulled into an intervention of sorts.
“Stede, why the fuck aren't you talking to us, man?” Ed asked, standing above Stede as he read on the chaise lounge. “You never fucking hang out with us, you’re hardly here of a night time. I don’t understand.” He looked down at Stede with sad eyes, but his tone carried an underline of anger that had Stede tensing.
Oh no. No no no but he had been working so hard to be perfect for them.
“I- Well I don’t think I know what you mean, dearheart.” Stede spoke softly, closing the book and placing it beside him. “I just didn’t want to be imposing on-”
“ Imposing? Fucking what?!” Ed interrupted, taking a step back as if Stede had dealt a physical blow. “Is this because of that stupid fucking fight Izzy and I had?” He asked, his voice that awful calm tone that set them all on edge.
Izzy stepped forward from the doorway, drawing Stede’s attention. “So it’s my fault then? You don’t want to be around me because I said you would leave us?” He kept his voice level, but Stede felt the venomous tone just as forcefully.
“No! No, Izzy. Of course not! I just… you two are so- you’re just… You’re pirates, I’m just. Stede.” He admitted, wincing as how his voice cracked.
There was a significant pause before anybody spoke again.
Izzy was staring unblinkingly at him, and Stede shifted uncomfortably under his gaze.
“So you are planning on leaving again.” He said, though the venom had mostly gone, a deep resignation had settled in Izzy’s voice.
Stede hesitated for a moment, of course he wasn’t planning on leaving. But… wouldn’t that make everything easier for them? It was a moment too long. Before he could explain that he didn’t really want to leave, Izzy was storming out of the cabin.
“After all that fucking talk about ‘trust me, Edward. It won’t happen again.’ You were, what? Just biding your time? Fuck you, Stede.” Edward followed Izzy out of the cabin. Stede felt tears well in his eyes. That wasn’t at all how he had wanted that to go.
He stared dumbfounded at the door few a few agonisingly long seconds before pulling himself up and putting his book back on the shelf. Stede wandered through the entirety of their quarters, he put away any unnecessary items, straightened the dining chairs, and made the bed. He stared blankly ahead for a moment, before moving to the closet where he kept a modest supply of cleaning items. He swept the floors and dusted every available shelf. He wiped down the tabled and chairs and any surface he could reach until his hands were cramping around the cloth.
He made it to the bathroom next, the ringing silence accompanied only by the sounds of vigorous scrubbing. The bathroom was sparkling in no time, and Stede’s fingertips were red and raw, but he ignored that, collecting the laundry instead. He washed each item with care, before moving them to dry.
Once the bathroom had been cleaned, he stalled. His mind drew blank for what else he could do. He needed to do something. He needed to fix it all and be better and then maybe they would come back and-
Stede cleaned their weapons, swords, knives, and guns. Anything that had been left in the cabin. Cleaned, sharpened, polished. Treated with care by his aching hands before being put away again.
Stede floated after that, moving around the ship and helping with any task that was available. He would work with a single-minded determinedness, ignoring the growing looks of concern shared between his crew. Nobody said anything to him, nor did they mention the explosively foul mood plaguing both Edward and Izzy.
“Who fucking swabbed this deck?” Izzy roared, standing with his hands on his hips. He looked furious. Every bit like the fearsome First Mate Hands who served under Captain Blackbeard. The crew shuffled nervously under his scrutiny. “It’s a simple fucking question, you useless fucking twats.” He shouted, stalking towards the group still on the deck. “Almost as simple as the fuckin task itself.” He sneered. “And this is a fucking pathetic attempt.” He stared each person down, eyes honing in on Stede, mop still in hand.
“I’m sorry-” Stede was cut off as Black Pete stepped forward.
“It was me, Mr Hands.” He said, tilting his chin up defiantly.
“Me too, Izzy.” Fang said, stepping in front of Stede.
“Yeah, us too. We were also helping.” Oluwande insisted, Jim nodding beside him.
Stede felt the shame rise in his chest. They shouldn’t be lying for me.
Before he could set the record straight, Izzy was snapping at them to fix it, and stalking away.
“It wasn’t that bad of a job, captain.” Fang said, aiming for comfort.
“Yeah, better than what Lucius can do.” Black Pete interjected. “No offence babe.” He added, eying Lucius.
“None taken, babe.”
Stede nodded, smiling weakly.
“Next time, you let me take the fall for my own crappy work, okay?” He didn’t put up a fuss as the mop was gently taken away from him. “That was very brave and very heartwarming. But I can handle Mr Hands’ temper just fine. Especially when I’ve earned his ire.” Stede swallowed thickly, “I’ll uh. Just go and find something more useful to do, okay?” And he was gone before any of them could protest.
***
It was a few hours later, Stede had successfully managed to avoid his partners again by helping Roach in the galley. He had been tasked with cleaning dishes as Roach worked. And when he ran out of dishes, he was scrubbing down the tables or sweeping the floors. He even managed to clear away some cobwebs that had managed to form in dark corners of the adjacent mess hall. And by the time he had finished those miscellaneous chores, there was another pile of dishes waiting to be scrubbed.
Stede did so dutifully, silently.
That was how Edward and Izzy found him, just before dinner. Jacket discarded and sleeves rolled up. His arms were deep in steaming water as he scrubbed pots and utensils for Roach. (Who was now grumbling about the number of people crowding his kitchen.)
“Stede.” Hearing his name, Sted jumped, dropping the dish in his hands with a ringing clatter. Ed winced at the sound. “Where the fuck have you been, man?” Ed asked, crossing his arms. “Iz and I have been looking for you, all over. We were supposed to have a fucking meeting about our next moves.” He grumbled.
“You’ve been hiding from us, Bonnet.” Izzy added, scowling.
Stede plastered on a big smile, turning to properly face the two of them, wiping his hands on a cloth. “I haven’t been hiding.” He insisted. “I’ve been working.” He gestured to Roach and the rest of the ship. “I’m terribly sorry if I worried you.” His smile stayed in place as he spoke, the words coming out softer than anyone was accustomed to from Stede.
“Let's have this conversation back in our cabin, okay?” Ed insisted, glancing at Roach who was doing a terrible job of pretending not to listen. Ed grabbed Izzy’s arm, pulling him along as Stede was left with no choice but to follow.
The walk was simultaneously far too long and the shortest walk Stede have ever taken. He hesitated at the threshold to their room, watching as Ed and Izzy took in the unusually clean state of their room.
“Stede..? Did you… did you clean the entire cabin?” Ed asked, turning to face him.
Stede walked fully into the room, eyeing his boyfriends nervously.
“Uh… yeah. Yes. I mean… I did.” He cleared his throat anxiously, shifting his weight from one foot to another. “I wanted to apologise for making you both upset earlier.” His hands twisted together as he gauged their reactions. Ed almost looked… concerned ? And Izzy was still sweeping his eyes across the spotless room. “And for being so distant recently, I didn’t realise I was upsetting you.”
Stede took a fortifying breath.
“I’m really sorry for how I acted and for making you think I wanted to leave. I care about you both very much and you mean the world to me.” His voice wavered. “There is nowhere else I would rather be, than here with you.” He made sure to catch Izzy’s eye as he spoke. “With both of you.” His hands still fidgeted behind his back. “And I’m trying, I really am. I promise. I’ve never… I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you and I’m trying. I just-” And then he was crying again. Great heaving sobs that had his chest aching.
Izzy startled, shooting an alarmed glance at Ed, who wore an identical look of panic. Hey managed to guide Stede over to the bed, bracketing him on either side as he sobbed and babbled incoherent apologies. They shared confused glances over Stede’s head as he wrapped his arms around himself, curled as small as he could make himself between them.
It took a few minutes of soothing phrases, Ed running a hand through Stede’s hair as Izzy rubbed Stede’s back, before Stede was able to get his breathing back under control enough to speak.
“I’ve been trying so hard to be perfect for you both but I don’t know what you want from me!” Though his face was pressed into the crook of his arm, muffling his voice, the exclamation rung loudly through the room.
“What the fuck are you talking about, Bonnet?” Izzy asked, frowning as Ed shot him a glare.
“What Izzy means to say is, we don’t understand what you mean, Stede. Why are you trying to be ‘ perfect’ for us?” Ed rephrased, pulling one of Stede’s arms from where it curled around his knees, holding his hand tightly.
Izzy took the other hand without prompting.
“You both fit together so well and I’ve done nothing but ruin you both. Sometimes, and I know you don’t mean it, but sometimes you brush me aside when talking about the old days, or you leave me out of conversations or don’t cuddle me at night or-” Stede sniffed, cutting himself off with a shrug. “I can be… overbearing. Too much, too needy. I know that.” He took a second to gather his thoughts. “And I know that on the ship I’m a liability.” He soldiered on through Ed’s noise of half-hearted protest. “I didn’t mean for you to think I wanted to leave. I just didn’t think you really needed me around. Or wanted me.” Izzy’s hand tightened in his. “I was trying to make it easier, for when you realised that you were better off without me.” The confession made both Ed and Izzy still.
“Stede, when we got into this relationship, we were more than aware of who you are.” Izzy said as Ed nodded emphatically along. “We knew that you were quite frankly fucking useless with a sword and that you have no idea how a pirate ship works. We knew that you’re a soft, touchy-feely, emotionally-driven maniac and that you are everything Edward and I have never been.” He let go of Stede’s hand, reaching for his cheek and turning Stede’s head softly so that they were properly face-to-face.
“We saw those things, and we chose you because of them. Not despite them, not wishing you were different. We saw who you are, Stede Bonnet, and we saw someone who we couldn’t help but fall completely in love with.” He carefully brushed away Stede’s remaining tears, who was staring at him as if he couldn’t comprehend any of what Izzy had just said.
Ed leaned against Stede’s side, squishing the three of them impossibly closer.
“I fucking hate saying this, but Izzy’s right, man.” He squawked as the man in question reached past Stede to swat Edward’s arm. “Izzy and I never worked together as just us, we were always missing a Stede Bonnet-sized hole in our relationship. You balance us out and shit. Couldn’t do half of what we do without you.”
“Just don’t ever shut us out like that again, you hear me?” Izzy said, voice losing some of its soft edge. “You have to fucking talk to us about that shit, yeah? What is it you always say? Talk it through?” Izzy prompted, nudging Stede softly.
“Talk it though as a crew.” He recited dutifully, looking properly chastised. “I really am truly sorry, to both of you.” Before he could continue his endless supply of apologies, Edward was cutting him off.
“Just promise to talk to us next time, okay?” He pressed a kiss to the side of Stede’s head. “We’ll do better too, include you more, and we can take turns being in the middle during the night, okay?” Ed offered, glancing at Izzy who nodded his approval.
“Yes. Yes, I think that sounds quite lovely.” Stede said softly, burrowing further into their arms.
“I’m sorry I didn’t realise how much we were hurting you.” Ed mumbled, wrapping his arms tighter around Stede.
“Sorry for making you feel excluded. And for yelling at you.” Izzy’s face scrunched up like it was physically painful for him to say the word ‘ sorry ’ out loud.
It was enough to break the tension, making Stede and Ed laugh at his clear discomfort.
“Yeah, yeah. Laugh away. Not my fault I’m not fucking good at all this sappy shit.” He muttered, secretly pleased to have had a part in putting a smile back on his captain’s face.
As he sat squished between the two people he cared for most in the world, laughing obnoxiously and trading teasing comments, Stede realised that maybe being quiet didn’t really suit him that much after all.