Chapter Text
"Wade, we're not putting a penis on our tree."
"But it's Christmas themed!" Wade held out the dick shaped ornament with red and green glitter.
"Where did you even get that?"
"eBay."
Peter sighed. "Right."
"Also," Wade looked even more exited now as he grabbed his bag to pull out more ornaments. "I've got these!"
This time Peter didn't send him an unimpressed look. Instead, his eyes brightened. "Ohmygod they are amazing."
"Right?" Wade grinned.
"What is it?" Matt asked as he came into the room, a box in his hands.
"It's ornaments of us! Well, of Spider-man, Daredevil and Deadpool. But it's of us!"
Matt put down the box next to the Christmas tree. "Since when do we have Christmas merchandise?"
Wade shrugged. "Eh, it happens."
"And it's very cool." Added Peter.
Wade peered his head to look over at the box Matt just brought in. "What's this?"
"You said to bring some ornaments."
Peter pulled out a little angel while Wade managed to find five different variations of a cross. One of them had Jesus on it.
"Really?" Wade asked while swinging the ornaments on his fingers.
"What? It's all I have. You forget I grew up with nuns."
"Maybe I should put the penis one for balance."
Peter glared at him. "You're not putting that on our tree."
"Come on! It cost me five dollars!"
Peter ignored him and instead turned his attention back to Matt. "We did say this tree is going to be a chaos of ornaments so why not." He put the little angel carefully on the tree.
"So, he can put his angel and I can't put my penis?" Wade grumbled.
He was ignored again.
"What did you bring, Peter?" Matt asked.
"Oh, it's just old stuff from Aunt May's basement." Peter grabbed his backpack to show his treasure. The ornaments he pulled out were mostly snowmen, reindeers and Santa Clauses. And a bunch of ball shaped ornaments in all the colors imaginable. Though most of them were obviously old and used, they still held to their shape.
Wade sat down on the floor next to him to inspect all the ornaments. "Oooh you have all the classics."
"Yeah, I guess." Peter half-shrugged.
Matt was feeling around the ornaments when he realized something was missing. "Wait, which one of us has the top piece?"
"Uhh..." Peter glanced at Wade but the merc shook his head.
"We can put the penis-"
"No."
Wade rolled his eyes and stood up to put his hands on his hips and look around like a dad in an airport.
"What are you doing?"
"Thinking."
"That usually ends badly."
"Maybe we can DIY this shit." Wade said with confidence, ignoring Peter's comment.
It was Matt's turn to send him a disapproving look. "DIY." He repeated.
"Yeah! It was a big thing on YouTube in like 2015."
"I don't see how that's relevant?"
"Petey do you have like any paper or markers or something?"
Peter silently pointed to the door of his room which had his desk. Since it was his turn to 'host' their Christmas this year, they were putting the Christmas tree in his tiny apartment. They didn't spend every Christmas together but putting the tree up meant they can come to the house any time without feeling like lonely losers. Christmas season really got depressive sometimes.
Peter opened his mouth to protest but Matt shook his head. "Just let him get his energy out."
The blind man stood up to hang the various ornaments and Peter followed his lead. The ornaments were really quite a mix. It varied from Peter's snowmen and Santa Clauses to Matt's dancing angels with bright halos around their heads. Which, maybe that would look nice together but Wade's weird ornaments of random objects like tacos and Bob Ross throwed the whole atmosphere off.
"What's he doing?" Peter asked Matt, hoping to get some gossip about the merc in the next room.
"Singing 'Jingle Bells' for the millionth time."
"Yeah, that I can hear. I meant more about his crafting activities."
Matt tilted his head, probably trying to figure out all the sounds. "I think he's taping something."
"Well that's not ominous at all."
Matt stilled once again. "I'm pretty sure he's taping his knifes together."
"Well that's great." Peter said sarcastically as he hanged an ornament in the shape of a snowflake.
The two of them were almost done with the tree decorating, when Wade walked out of the room, his hands behind his back. That's never a good sign.
For the sake of it, Peter decided to play the game Wade was clearly setting up. "What you got there?"
Wade grinned. "You'll have to guess."
"It's not a bomb is it?"
"No."
"A gun?"
"No."
"A sword?"
"No."
"Three knives taped together to resemble a star?"
"No- Wait. How did you know?"
Peter gave him a cocky grin and pointed to Matt, who just put up their last ornament. The only thing missing was the top piece.
Wade pouted. "Aw, well that's not fair." He finally showed his DIY project and well... it was star shaped at least?
Wade caught Peter's expression and frowned. "How dare you judge me! At least I did something."
"No one really asked for you to do anything." Matt was the one who replied.
Wade scoffed. "I'm putting it up."
Peter sighed. "Fine. At least it's... unique."
Wade put his nose up as he walked up towards the tree, making sure to murmur "Assholes" as he went past them.
Since Wade's knives creation didn't really have any hole through which he could put the tree's branches and make it stable in its place, putting up the decoration was a challenge. But Wade Wilson never backed up from a challenge and this day won't be an exception.
He grabbed more tape and used a big amount of it to stick the 'decoration' on the top. That resulted in him getting various cuts on his hands and even on his face (and you would think Wade should know how to be careful with knives) but that never stopped him before and it won't stop him now.
Matt and Peter silently watched him work, deciding to hold back their comments.
After a few minutes, Wade carefully pulled apart from the tree to look at his work. The knives star looked like it'll fall off any minute and it'll probably will, while Peter is happily sleeping no doubt. But at least at the moment it was in its place.
Wade clapped his hands together and grinned. "Ta-da!"
"I can hear the tape slowly falling apart." Matt informed him.
"Will it survive until Christmas?"
"The chances are low."
Wade hummed in thought. "Maybe I'll buy some of that super glue."
Peter sent him a pointed look. "You can't glue something to the tree."
"Why not?'
"Maybe because it's fake and I'll need it next year?"
Wade waved his hand around and sighed like what Peter was saying was dumb. "And? You can have the knife star next year too."
"I rather not."
Wade sent him a glare.
Peter returned it.
Matt sighed and stood up to clean up the boxes on the ground. "You coming to help or do you rather act like children?"
"Is that a trick question?"
"Wade."
"Fine fine. I'm coming."
The three of them didn't take much time to clean up the room, now being able to look at their Christmas tree in full view. Over all, it was a nice tree. Peter made sure to hang their superhero alter ornaments right in the middle so they wouldn't be lost in a crowd of decorations.
After a moment of silently staring at the tree, Wade spoke. "You know what we're missing?"
"What?"
"My penis ornament."
"I swear if you say penis one more time-"