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It is unbecoming for Zhongli to feel this way. Every moment Zhongli spends with Childe is a new shimmering memory for zhongli to recall in the future. In his mortal life, he should be greeting each day with vigor, another chance to have a better day, or as Director Hu once said, ‘you only live once’.
But each time Zhongli returns home alone to ruminate over the day’s events, he can't help but feel a small sense of dread; each meal, each stroll, each errand has Childe opening up more and more. Zhongli’s mere presence wears away at Childe’s walls, breaking them down bit by bit. There is no way for them to return to what they once were, not that Zhongli would want to give up the progress he’s made—he is far too greedy.
But with the wear and tear on his walls, it will eventually lead to the wear and tear on his heart once the truth comes to light. Trust is a difficult thing to build. Zhongli knows from experience, the mask one must hold to face a friend turned foe.
Perhaps if Zhongli were able to restrain the growth of their relationship. If he were to put some distance between them… until the completion of the contract. Perhaps then Childe would understand and be able to forgive Zhongli.
But perhaps fate would not have it that way.
Two weeks. Zhongli is able to dodge Childe for two weeks before Zhongli returns to his office to find Childe reclined in his chair, feet on his desk.
“You’re avoiding me.”
Zhongli licks his lips, thoughts racing. He had not anticipated Childe seeking him out—which in hindsight was foolish. Childe does not run, least of all from conflict. May as well cut straight to the heart as well. “Yes, I am.”
Something flashes across Childe’s face but is gone in a blink. He smiles then, his charming yet guarded, diplomat smile. “Excellent. Care to explain your reasoning so that further misunderstandings don’t take place? Or…” he sits up, feet back on the floor. “Have you finally realized you shouldn’t be seen around me?”
Time and time again, Childe has attempted to warn Zhongli away, citing that Zhongli couldn’t stomach him when he was actually working. It’s cute, sweet even, that Childe tries to protect him. Zhongli has probably committed worse crimes; such is the way of war.
“Not at all.” Zhongli says immediately. “Childe… I find myself at a crossroads, or a precipice if you would.” He pauses, trying to force his thoughts and feelings into submission. He has been so selfish, taking every drop of attention Childe offers him. They have spent so much time together that Zhongli finds himself falling behind at the parlor. Surely Childe too is in a similar situation? And what of the contract? Has he made any progress in formulating a plan for the harbor?
Childe stands and offers something to Zhongli. “Mora for your thoughts?” He says it softly, endlessly patient with Zhongli and his meandering thoughts. Zhongli takes it, surprised. “Father found it the day I was born, and since it was newly minted that year too, he kept it to later give to me. I’ve always kept it with me since then, taking it everywhere. I used to think Rex Lapis was keeping an eye on me, but now I’m not so sure.” His voice grows quiet.
Rex Lapis has not been watching over him, not until arriving in Liyue that is. Mortals come up with the most interesting ideas, but this one… this idea is endearinging. “Perhaps.” If Childe keeps it with him… Zhongli brings it to his lips and offers a prayer.
Protect this mortal. Give him a second chance, should he need it.
Hopefully nothing would come of it, but knowing Childe, that would be silly to expect. No, hopefully, he will need it and it will grant him a chance he otherwise would not have.
Childe stares at him with wide eyes when Zhongli pulls the coin from his lips. He turns it over a few times, feeling the strong resonance of hydro within from the years Childe has carried it. Zhongil smiles softly and returns it. “Childe, you have come to mean a great deal to me.”
I am not good with other people or my own emotions, but I know what I feel for you goes beyond mere companionship. I know eventually you will leave Liyue; eventually you will leave me and I am not prepared to deal with that when the time comes. When you will hate me for the deceit and the secrets I kept from you, Zhongli thinks, though it remains unspoken.
Childe leans his hip against the desk, his eyes downcast, staring at the mora coin, expression unreadable. “Zhongli, you can’t just…” Childe’s voice trails off.
“I know I cannot take back my words, but it is the same with my actions. This moment has been building for weeks, each day we spend together will stay with me for as long as I shall live.” Childe’s head jerks up and his eyes are red. “I do not know your own thoughts or feelings on the matter, but I need you to know mine. I wish to see you everyday. I wish to speak to you every night. I—”
“I get it Zhongli,” Childe mumbles, looking away from him. Childe’s ears and cheeks are the loveliest shade of pink and he has the strangest frown on his face. “I thought you finally realized…” Childe begins then looks up. “But you really… feel that way?” Hope seems to shimmer in his dull eyes and it makes Zhongli ache.
In all of Zhongli’s existence, he has only given and given.
Every thought and every action echoed with pros and cons, possibly outcomes and consequences. During the Archon War, he lost nearly everything. He gave his all and yet Guizhong still fell, Azhdaha still fell. He continued to give his all for those tiny people that his friends held so dear, even though he was one of the last to remain standing.
All this grief and for what? For a tiny trinket, cursed with chains and bitter authority. At some point in his existence it… seemed to lose its significance, its very meaning, to Zhongli.
And yet, with such a wonderful and inspiring individual dropped so perfectly into his lap, how could Zhongli not want? Why should he not take after everything he has given up?
Zhongli’s face was soft and gentle, his eyes gleamed with a warm, golden light. Reaching out, Zhongli cups Childe’s cheek.. “Childe, you alone are the tide that wears at my walls and defenses, leaving me in a state of languid tranquility. You alone restore my weak spirit and soothe my weary soul. I have been sure of nothing if not this.”