Chapter Text
Gary didn’t know what to do.
It had been over a week since Andy had come back home.
Home - to Newton Haven, this address, to Gary, whatever. Had returned to him. Over a week since he had reappeared in his sad excuse of a life, and all of that had happened.
The two of them had not touched since.
But they were getting along. Surviving. Politely sharing a somewhat stable and decent existence together.
Andy had made some additional effort in getting the house cleaned up. Not bothering with rooms like the garage, basement, guest bed, all those additional rooms lacking the company to fill them. He had made the decision to tidy at least his own parents’ bed- and small bathroom for himself, as well as the kitchen and living area. Decorated with posters, plants, and battery operated lights, that lounge especially had quickly turned into a homey and inviting space for them both to spend time. Gary found himself going down there more often as days came and went and he found Andy not objecting to his presence at all.
He supposed it was at least some upside to surviving the apocalypse. It seemed like Andy’s standards for company had dropped to an all time low, making even him acceptable company to be around.
Even if he felt guilty for taking advantage of the fact, he craved whatever closeness he could still get at this point. WIth or without actual bodily contact between them.
Surely, though, this standstill could not be meant to last.
Andy knew too much. Had seen too much of his fucked up true self still swarming within.
Even if they didn’t talk about it, the silent knowledge had started making Gary antsy. It would only be a matter of time before things came to a head, as they always tended to do. He would keep on being himself, which inevitably meant annoying Andy increasingly every passing day. Needling, picking away at his resolve to play nice, play house together. Until the precarious construction of niceties would collapse in on itself. Things would finally come to a boil, come to blows, some type (God, how he craved it), any type of physical conflict in which they both said and did things they didn’t mean, and then Andy would feel horrible after, and Gary would choose to run away from it all. That’s how it always went. That’s just what they did.
The knowledge of where they’d be heading made it hard to enjoy the temporary reprieve.
The stupid thing was, Gary wished he could stay. Even if things were far from perfect. Even if he was bound to fuck up this precarious truce which had come to exist between the two of them.
But he knew he shouldn’t try to push his luck any longer. He should be the better person for once, and leave before things could come to that. Before Andy remembered how much of a disappointment he really was, always had been, and he would lash out and say everything Gary already knew but deserved to hear still.
He should at least save Andy the hurt of having to actually say those horrible truths.
He was considering these options while lying stretched out on the sofa. DM’s kicked off and discarded on the floor right next to it - the glare he had received that first time meant he knew better now. Andy was just in the next room, cooking lunch for them both. Even with the limited supply of rations, he had made a point to share a hot meal at least once a day. Just another thing Gary wasn’t sure he actually deserved to have, but would greedily take claim anyway.
It was just another reason why he should leave, saving Andy the trouble.
He remained lost in thought for an additional few minutes - vaguely entertaining places he might go next, unwilling to settle on any direction just yet as an excuse to maybe postpone his departure for a few precious days more - until Andy finally made his appearance, bowls in hand.
Quickly Gary sat up, creating space for him on the sofa. He was handed a portion of soup, stew, whatever it was - some hearty, chunky and godly smelling cup of warmth delivered to him free of charge.
“Eat up,” was all Andy offered, taking his seat at the far edge of the sofa, the now well established gap between them feeling like another tactile companion in the room.
“Thanks.”
Gary had his first spoonful, and tried not to moan. The food was warm, rich, creamy. Fuck, it hit the spot. This wasn’t like the watery instant soup he’d made himself sometimes as a midnight meal, back at his last inpatient. Even from one mouthful he could tell this had the good stuff, like real onions and potatoes in it. And a bunch of vegetables he couldn’t quite place. His knowledge of healthy food had been murky even before all the world went to shit and it hadn’t improved much since, even if Andy seemed to be trying his best to reintroduce fresh vitamins to his system.
The first time this occurred he hadn’t known how to react to the freely shared food. Andy, gruff, had told him not to think too much of it. Insisted that it was just as easy making a hot meal for one person as it was for two. Easier, if anything: saving on dishes if they were to cook their meals separately. This reasoning fully ignored the fact Gary rarely bothered to even heat up a can before spooning out the contents, if left to his own devices, but he was happy to be invited to share the meal nonetheless.
But the point still remained. It was too kind of him. Gary wasn’t sure he deserved it. Wasn’t sure he should be allowed to even stay here any longer, since Andy had come back and it was still his parents’ house after all, not Gary’s’. But he hadn’t been asked to leave yet. In a weird sense, his former friend seemed content to keep his company. Even if Gary wasn’t mentally all there. Even if he hadn’t repaid Andy for everything he still owed him, and in fact kept racking up his debt with every passing day.
They continued eating in silence.
The few feet of space between them stretched into miles and miles and miles, as though they had fully drifted apart already.
Gary made up his mind. Even if deep down he wanted to, he knew he shouldn’t be allowed to continue leeching off Andy like this. It was wrong of him to do so. He had taken advantage of the other’s hospitality for too long. As always, the time was approaching for him to leave. Lest he overstay his welcome and end things on a sour note - again.
Feeling strengthened by the hot meal, he set the empty dinnerware on the coffee table.
After brief consideration, stalled for just another second. He dragged a finger around the bowl and licked it clean. That slight kick of spice at the end really made the entire meal.
“So,” he started at last.
Andy quirked an eyebrow, but otherwise kept on savouring his own portion of hot stew.
“It's been getting colder every day now.”
“Yup. That tends to happen around this time of year.”
Very funny. Gary pressed on. “So, you know. I probably shouldn’t delay it for too long.”
Andy nodded, still mostly focused on his lunch.
“Glad to hear you’ve come around. I figured I’d wash the dishes first and then sit down with a crossword for a sec, but if you’re up for it we could get rid of the last few weeds, then start covering and protecting the veg patch in full. Fuck knows when the first snow’s gonna fall, but I’d prefer it if we got everything wrapped up and secure over the next few days just to be safe. If we keep a close eye on things we’ll continue having fresh produce even throughout the winter, and then maybe we could reorganise the full layout next spring.”
Gary felt confused for a bit. What? Oh, right. Andy had mentioned wanting to work on the garden. Suggesting it would be good for Gary’s mental health to get him out of the house and busy nurturing something outside himself or whatever.
But none of that mattered now. If he was going to die some time this winter - Gary wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t even make it until his next birthday - he at least wanted to do it someplace where Andy was unlikely to find his body, and feel in any way negatively impacted because of that discovery.
“No, I mean, I shouldn’t postpone leaving. I’d wanna cover at least some distance and find a good place before winter really hits.”
Andy looked at him in confusion, then let his eye travel around the room he had tried his best to make a hospitable and inviting space for them both.
“What are you saying? Why on earth would we leave?”
Gary only looked at him, apologetically. Andy stared back. Then it slowly dawned on him.
It was like a dark cloud descended. Froze and chilled him piece by piece.
Gary prepared for the storm to burst loose. This was predictable. This would make it easier for them both, really.
With slow, controlled movements, Andy placed his own bowl next to Gary’s, safely out of reach. Any moment now.
“And you would be leaving, why?”
Gary shrugged, aimed to play it off cool.
“Well, I think it’s about time. You’ve been good.” Too good, really. “And I’ve also, I mean, I’ve been trying to be good as well. But you probably, you know. Kind of want to go back to normal.”
“Gary,” the other frowned, though he still wasn’t getting angry just yet. “There’s nothing normal about any of this.”
“I know,” came the quick reassurance. “I shouldn’t even be here anyway.”
Shouldn’t have lived beyond that night in October. Shouldn’t have stuck around and invaded Andy’s private space, before being discovered, and after. He had selfishly gotten away with that for too long.
“So, you know,” he finished lamely. “I’ll pack up and go.”
“Christ.” Andy said, as his intent fully sank in. He closed his eyes. Leaned back into the sofa cushions. Breathed the slowest, longest exhale ever as he processed those words.
Gary waited patiently for the outburst he had coming.
He waited.
Waited.
But it failed to arrive. Even if the next few words did come with the slight edge of irritation tingeing Andy’s general tone.
“Sorry, I still fail to understand. What makes you think you need to leave, exactly?”
“Because I, uh, don’t really belong here anymore.”
“Yeah, no shit, Gary. Neither of us really belongs here. It’s our childhood town. Fully blasted into nothing.”
“I know,” the other winced, knowing full well he was responsible for that. “And I’m sorry. But it’s not like I can go back and change that, and it’s not like I’m much good for you in the present, either-”
“You and your fucking need to go back, or to get out of dodge whenever you remember the past isn’t something that can be fixed. God, don’t you ever get tired of it?”
Gary refrained from answering. Andy was growing more than tired of him, anyway. That much was clear as he was now angrily staring right back at him through his mismatched pair of glasses.
“You saw Peter die, and still all you thought of was getting to the next pub for your full reset do-over. You kissed me. And you ran off. I caught up with you and thought I made myself clear, got us both out of there, yet before the sun even rose you just fucking took off again-”
“I didn’t know what else to do, okay?”
“Well, you could have stayed!”
“And then what? Get more people killed?”
Andy was quick to protest, “The alien robots from outer space are what killed them-”
“But it’s my fault they were here.”
And Gary could tell Andy was properly worked up now and ready to argue with him, but he needed to get his point across and would not let himself be interrupted in doing so.
“I’m the one who asked them to come on my stupid, reckless outing, and, you’re right, wanted for them to stay even when it was clear things weren’t right. Even though they clearly all wanted nothing to do with me even before I destroyed the entire planet, I still insisted on stealing those last few hours of their lives playing pretend, so I could at least have some version of them with me instead of having to be all alone.”
He took a deep breath. Fuck, now he was getting too worked up, too emotional about this whole mess again. Which was just embarrassing for them both. He should just get to the point and get out.
“When the truth is, at any point we still could have gotten back in the car and just left. Even if we’d been drinking. Even if the blanks had been suspicious of us. We still could have at least tried to get away, and then maybe Pete and Ollie, Basil, the Rev, not to mention everyone still living in those towns like ours, people all over the world for all we know…”
“Would have been taken over without even being given the choice? Are you insane?”
“I mean,” Gary admitted, deflating just slightly. “Yeah. Probably.”
Andy squeezed his eyes shut, seeming at a loss as to where he should even begin his counterattack. He breathed in and out through his nose, so aggressively Gary swore it made a slight whistling sound.
“Okay, so, first of all, I am beyond blaming you for things which happened in the past. Firstly, because I would never run out of things to list.”
“Ow, harsh. Though probably fair.”
“Secondly,” the other pressed on, “because I know there’s more to you than your endless list of fuckups. I remember everything you revealed to me - at the World’s End.”
Gary had to look away from him then. He thoroughly regretted having shown that much honesty, that much vulnerability. Even if it had felt good to at last stop bottling it all up, instead let it out and speak the truth to someone who mattered, had deserved to know these things about him more than anyone else in the world. But at that point, he had still been under the assumption that his final hour had struck. He hadn’t expected he’d have to live on and need to actually deal with the repercussions of having shared that much of those ugly parts of himself he’d kept hidden behind carefully constructed walls. Of someone so close to him actually knowing about his deepest insecurities and continuing to be near him in the time after that revelation. It still didn’t feel fully comfortable to him, to share that raw and exposed type of intimacy with someone.
“So I understand you had your own reasoning and point of view. And there was no way you could’ve known the night was going to end that way.”
That much was true. Whether he would’ve made it through the entirety of the crawl or not, Gary had assumed he would’ve been the only person in their group to die within the next twenty four or so hours following. What had happened instead…
“And thirdly, did you forget everything I told you there in turn? It’s not like my life was all that perfect before. I wasn’t exactly eager to go straight back to it.”
Gary shook his head with a wry smile.
“Mate, I remember you saying something different. You seemed pretty set on wanting to fight for your old life, punching your way through a robot to get your wedding ring back and all."
Andy looked down at his hand in vague surprise, as though he had forgotten he was still wearing the piece of jewelry at all.
Silence then descended on them both. Even if arguing came to them like second nature, this was something the other man had no direct reply to. He needed to process his thoughts for a bit. The way he had felt, back in that final pub. The hours leading up to that moment. And everything which had occurred in the time that had passed since then, during which he had finally found himself back here, in the ruins of the past.
Gary sat there, waiting. Absolutely bursting at the seams to keep talking, that impulse only being held back by his genuine curiosity for his friend’s motivation in all this.
“It’s true,” Andy finally admitted, still looking down thoughtfully at the ring on his finger. “The thought of getting to her and the kids dragged me through that night. I hoped I might still save that bit of myself I had accomplished in life. It still seemed like something worth saving.”
The look in his eyes turned glassy as he seemed lost in memory for a moment or two. Recollecting images from before or after the intergalactic confrontation, Gary had no way of knowing.
“So I got started on my way back to London. Walking, I might add, since Sam’s Ford Fiesta had mysteriously disappeared come morning.”
Gary looked towards the corner of the room to avoid his accusing glare until he felt like it had softened.
“But I don’t know. Barely a few miles in, my resolve already started wavering. I don’t know what it was that finally did it. Seeing the remains of the initial destruction, or everything which had survived the blast: the green, the houses, the scattered groups of people already beginning to meet up and help rebuild whatever they could salvage. Walking down the road and really taking it all in… was the first time in a long time I truly felt free.”
Andy shook his head.
“And I don’t know. I started reconsidering. Even if everything on the night of the Mile hadn’t happened the way it did, I am not sure there really was much for me to still return to. Everything about my life in London just didn’t seem to matter as much in the grand scheme of things. And though, again, I don’t want to stay angry or keep holding you responsible for things which happened a long time ago, I still felt as though maybe I had left something unresolved concerning us. So I turned around and walked back to Newton Haven. Where sure enough, I found you.”
Gary still couldn’t bear looking at him. He swallowed.
“Yeah. So uh, I hope seeing me gave you all the closure you needed.”
Andy didn’t react, except with a barely audible, noncommittal sound.
“And I’m glad we got to sort that out, but, y’know, there’s not much left I can do for you now. If I really am forgiven and all. Have always been kind of shit at making amends anyway. But um, I’m sorry your life got fucked. Do hope you’re feeling better about it. But if there’s nothing else I can really mean to you now, I should just own up to what needs to happen and get out of your hair.”
“Again,” Andy replied, and his irritation seemed to flare anew, “I fail to see your logic.”
“Oh,” the other was quick to reassure, “though I can still give you the blowie I owe you before I head out.”
The irritation swiftly morphed into baffled confusion. Andy blinked a few times, struggling to keep up. “The what?”
“Blowie. From that one time? We never did get around to it.”
Andy then looked at him with a horrified frown. Gary processed the look on his face and decided he had to agree.
“... Fine then, to be fair, with the way you’ve been taking care of me in the time since you probably deserve to stick it up my ass. And hey, I got no problem with that, fair is fair.”
Andy stammered for a few moments, not able to utter anything more than halted half-sounds before finally settling on: “Are you completely fucked in the head?”
Gary wasn’t sure how to answer. Because obviously, yes. He thought they had well established that. How was there still any confusion on that front.
Andy leaned in, enunciating his words clearly.
“You do not owe me any type of sex, okay. Is that what you thought?”
“I mean, just to help you blow off steam. Steam which is only there ‘cause of the trouble I caused.”
The other frowned in complete confusion.
“So I should get to fuck you up the ass because it’s transactional?”
“Well, why else would you do it?”
Again Andy had no quick retort. He only sputtered, then turned beet red.
Not because of anger. Now that Gary would have recognised all too well. No, there was a different kind of emotion hidden behind this response. Though which one, he couldn’t quite put his finger on.
“... Andy?”
He tried to read the other’s face, but Andy turned away from him abruptly. Even without physically shrinking in on himself, suddenly he seemed small. Affected, maybe slightly embarrassed. So much like his teen or even preteen self.
“... Oh.”
“Just shut up.”
“Ooohhh. Okay. When you said you wanted to return to me, instead of finding your wife, having something unresolved concerning us, you actually meant-?”
“It didn’t mean anything to you,” Andy groaned, sounding as though he was ready to be swallowed up by the ground below, never to resurface. “I should have remembered, what with how casually you used to talk about Sam or the twins-”
“You still had a thing for me? After all that time?!”
“Oh, not all that time, you prick,” Andy countered, and some of that well known fire returned to him now as he whipped his head back around, ready to bicker. “I am not some lovestruck sap of a man who never got over the amazing Gary King, yeah, obviously I moved on and built a whole life independent of all that. But like, fine, maybe you deciding to just show up like a ghost from my past, talking all that nonsense of the boys being like brothers but me being the best friend you ever had, reminding me of the bond we had, and then everything which happened and got us so much closer together while trying to escape death with you, oh god forbid, what if that actually did have some kind of impact on me, reopening old wounds and with it all the bad but also the incomparable good things we had,”
He rambled on for a few more syllables, but Gary could barely even parse the words. His heart was about to beat out of his chest. He felt his mouth curl into a wide smile. Andy liked him. Andy did actually like him. And not just because they might fuck.
Gary launched himself across the space and knocked himself into Andy, crushing him with a tight hug. Even as they toppled over and Andy yelped in surprise, he didn’t let go.
He only kept his arms wrapped tight around his friend, and laughed incredulously as he felt Andy’s arms come up to hold him in return.
“You mean it?” he babbled, before Andy could throw up a word of protest. “Are you sure? You actually do care about me and all?”
The other murmured his reply from where his face was still crushed into Gary’s chest.
“Of course, you fucking prick. I always have.”
“Whether I suck your cock or not?”
“I told you,” Andy piped up, struggling free just enough so he could lean back and look Gary in the eye as he assured him this. “The past is not a debt I am out to collect. I am ready to leave that where it is. Just appreciate that it’s nice to see your face, now. I was hoping to seek you out because yeah, I care about your stupid ass… and to be honest, I figured you’d be too stupid to survive on your own, and I didn’t like the thought of that.”
Gary happily glossed over the insult and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “You looove me.”
“Shut up.”
“You didn’t want to live withooouuut me.”
Andy still held on to him. “Would you prefer we be apart?”
It was something Gary barely had to think about. Even if they felt a bit clumsy about this, their bodies having changed so much in the time between and both of them still trying to reconfigure how they fit, it seemed as though nothing much between them had changed at all. Nothing which really mattered, anyway. He was happy to discover that being safely held in Andy's arms still felt like home. More than anything else here ever had or ever would. Maybe that had been what Gary had hoped to find here from the very beginning, long before blue blood, detachable limbs and the sobering confrontation with his personal disappointment had been a thing.
He had missed this feeling so much. He would be a fool to walk away again, when he was allowed, no, when Andy so clearly and genuinely wanted him to stay. When they actually wanted to spend this time together, for real.
“No,” he felt able and free to admit, carefully letting some of his walls down. “No, I’d like to stay. If you don’t mind, I would really like to stay this time around.”
Andy hugged him even tighter in response, signalling his relief in not having to let the other man go.
It felt strange for them to end up here. Yet it felt like the most natural conclusion possible, coming full circle in a sense. Having met up again with fate by coming home to the person Gary was always meant to rekindle things with. Or rather escaping fate by making a healthy decision, choosing a different path than the one he had been hurtling himself down for such a long time.
It felt like being scared. Or less scared because at least now there was Andy who fully understood things, to share the burden and help carry it. Or no, that was more scary after all, because that meant more was at stake than just his own safety and well being, which Gary had never really put much care into anyway.
He could not imagine making it through a world wide cataclysm with anyone else. He still wasn’t sure if he could hope for a better future just yet - still half expecting some other shoe to drop, for additional consequences of his actions to catch up to him even if it seemed like a period of peace had settled with the departure of the blanks…
But at least he could hope for a better present, which was all he really needed for now.