Chapter Text
The next morning, they have the luxury of waking up alone, sharing kisses over mugs of tea and room service pastries.
He can't stay long as Lyanna has some sort of meeting at nine that requires all members of her side of the family, and though he wishes her could slope off and not go, he knows she would just find him later and make him listen to whatever she has to say when he can't pretend to listen.
They part with a kiss before he walks out the door, and she smiles like a lovesick teenager when she remembers their night in her head all over again.
Daenerys picks up Aly from her brother's room the moment he is gone, hiding her hickeys with a folded-up shawl because, apparently, she's having sex with some kind of teenager who leaves hickeys even though he is thirty - she has left similar ones on his neck also, so she is not innocent.
Aly is predictably delighted to see her, though it has more to do with the fact that she had not been happy to accept the bottles of breastmilk that Daenerys had spent her time pumping. Rhaegar tells her that he tried, but she was displeased, and he is not entirely sure she had enough.
The moment she has her privacy in her suite, she nurses, and she's never felt more relieved, both because she knows her child is okay and because she was uncomfortably full, having put off pumping in front of Jon as she did not want to shatter the images in his mind of them.
It is stupid to care about something like that, she knows, especially since one of the first things Jon ever saw her doing was nursing on the plane, but it is in her head that he won't find her seductive or sexy anymore if he saw her pumping or doing anything she deems too motherly.
It is all in her own mind. Jon has never said a word against her motherhood, only encourages her, and she is silly for being afraid.
Even when they have sex, she keeps her bra on with two breast pads tucked in just in case, terrified of leaking and making him reject her in disgust.
Her body is not like it once was before Aly. She has tried, but there is only so much she can do with a four-month-old, no time and no money. She knows she has stretch marks, more than she is comfortable with, and she knows her breasts are larger than they were and always sore and sensitive and leaking and covered in stretch marks.
She hates her mum's rolls and the fact that her thighs have gotten larger, and her hips are fuller now, and she has tried to ignore them, but sex with Jon only makes her focus on them, well aware that he is perfect.
He has never once said anything against her body. He has mumbled that he finds her beautiful, and he has held her hips and her thighs when his mouth has been between her thighs or when she has been straddled on top of him, but she finds it hard to believe.
Her body was no beauty before. Her exes have made sure she knows that, especially Aly's father. He made sure to ridicule her and humiliate her for her body when she had already felt low, and having her daughter has only highlighted these things in her eyes.
(Jon thinks she is beautiful, more than, but he knows she does not hear it when he has said it.
He wishes he knew how to make her believe it.)
Aly does not know of her mother's hatred. She only knows that it's warm and safe and provides the nourishment she needs to survive, and it is the only thing Daenerys has ever liked about her body. She knows it keeps the person she loves most in the world alive and safe, and that's all she cares about.
Still, sometimes she thinks it would be nice to like it. Sometimes it would be nice to not dread seeing how she looks in a new dress or top. Sometimes it would be nice to not have men's words ringing in her ears over how a dress makes her look 'frumpy' or 'unattractive'.
Her daughter chirps at her unhappily, making Daenerys snap out of her thoughts, and she realises she wants her attention, "Sorry, sweetie." She kisses her hair, brushing back the silver curls carefully. "Muna disappeared for a moment, but I'm back now."
The answer satisfies the baby who cuddles into her, wanting her mother's embrace, her little hands kneading into Daenerys's stomach, not bothered by her stretch marks or the marshmallow consistency – or that's what Daenerys calls it.
"How about you and I skip any wedding stuff today, or exploring?" She suggests, though she knows she will not get a response. "We can just spend all day in our room, maybe sit on the balcony and get some sun, and we can do nothing to spend it together?"
Aly makes a happy noise, which makes her grin, knowing her daughter agrees.
True to her word, she remains in a pair of joggers and a tank top that had been intended to be for bed, but that works just as well now, and Aly remains in her comfiest clothes.
They curl up together on the sofa with the TV playing, though she has seen the sitcoms before, and she's never been as grateful to a person as she is to Lyanna and Rhaegar for paying for a better TV service. She'll never tell them, of course, but she appreciates the thought all the same.
When the morning turns into afternoon, their day is interrupted by a knock on the door. She sighs, standing with Aly on her hip, expecting her brother or some hotel staff, which is why her eyes widen at the sight of Jon there holding a laminated piece of paper.
"Jon." She greets, fighting the urge to pull down her top to cover her stomach more. "Hi…I, uh, what's up?"
Aly makes a happy noise at the sight of him, kicking her legs into Daenerys' side, and Jon smiles at her, which only makes her happier. "Lyanna asked that I give this to you since she found out our rooms are two apart." He holds out the laminate to her. "It is something boring, don't get excited."
She laughs, taking the laminate with her free hand, "Ah, the wedding day schedule." She mutters, looking over it. "Daenerys, don't be late like you usually are." She reads aloud from it before glancing back up at him. "Is this on everyone's?"
"No." He shakes his head. "Mine said, 'Jon Snow, don't swear'." He informs her. "So, I wrote in black marker, fuck off."
She snorts with laughter, rolling her eyes at him, and she pretends to cover Aly's ears as if his language offends her. She knows if Aly were older, she would have a problem with it, or if his language was said in an angry way, but it is just the way he talks, and it is not like her daughter can parrot it just yet.
"You really hate every second that you are at this wedding, don't you?" She asks, hiking the baby higher on her hip with a gentle bounce.
Jon coughs once, "Not…every second." He says, and she quirks an eyebrow at him. "I don't hate it right now."
If it were possible, her heart melts slightly at his confession, knowing the double meaning in that it is when he is with her that he doesn't hate it, but she tries not to grin like an idiot at the thought. "Aly is pretty good company." She teases.
His eyes flick to Aly and then back to her, and he blinks himself out of whatever trance he had been under, "Right, uh, yeah." He nods once. "I should let you get back to your day. I just came to drop that off."
"Jon." She says before he can walk away, effectively stopping him in his tracks. "It is just Aly and me. You are more than welcome to join if you want? You know…if being at the events is killing you inside." She jokes. "I mean, so long as you can put up with baby shows or sitcoms."
He seems to consider her proposal for a moment, his eyes going between the baby girl and her, but then he shakes his head, "Maybe another time."
"Oh, have plans already?" She teases, though she truly wants to know.
"No."
Oh, she thinks, trying not to let her hurt show over the rejection he gave, though she appreciates that he was honest and did not try to lie and pretend he was doing something. Maybe he's letting you down gently. He was fine before you had Aly again…maybe he forgot.
The thought of Aly freaking him out hurts more than she likes to admit, especially since he always knew about her, and it makes no sense in her mind. "Oh." She fakes a smile, holding her daughter closer. "Well, erm, maybe I can see you soon? Another date or something?" She offers.
Jon nods once, "Uh, yeah." He confirms, though he does not seem certain, and she can tell that he is grappling with something in his mind. "I'll call you."
Her stomach drops.
I'll call you, is a lie, and everyone knows that. When a man says he is going to call you, you never hear from him again, and you might as well kiss any hopes you had about him goodbye, as he is already gone.
She frowns, but she hides it quickly enough with a fake smile. "Right. Sure." She swallows thickly. "I should…I should let you go."
When he goes, she closes the door, wishing she did not have tears in her eyes, but one falls, and Aly whimpers, curling into her mother's embrace, like it will help. It does, in a way, even if the rejection stings and her hopeful heart just feels broken over it, having thought Jon would be different.
He seemed so fine about Aly. He always seemed okay with it. But then they have one date and a great night and morning together, and he wants to see her. And then he sees her with Aly again, and he runs like something is chasing him.
Daenerys sighs, making her way back to the sofa to sit down with Aly in her la,p facing her, "I hope you know I don't need anyone but you," She tells her, dropping a kiss to her light curls. "It's just us, huh? Not that I ever expected anything less…"
Aly just coos.
Just under half an hour later, her door goes again, only louder this time, like the person has more confidence or they are in a rush to find her and then go again. She drags herself from the sofa with Aly on her hip once more as she cannot bear to be apart from her when her heart is as heavy as it is, rushing to open the door.
Once again, she is greeted by the sight of Jon, only this time he holds a medium-sized gift bag in his left hand, whilst the other holds a bottle of non-alcoholic wine and a bar of chocolate.
"Jon?"
"Hi." He greets, looking at Aly. "Hi." He says to her, too, and she gurgles happily at the sight of him even when his eyes go back to Daenerys. "I'm sorry. I ran off…I was bit of a dick about it, but…I had to be somewhere."
She quirks an eyebrow, "I thought you had no plans." She remembers moving aside to let him into her suite so they won't be having their conversation where anyone passing by could hear. "Jon, you don't have to come up with excuses if you aren't interested anymore. I'm a big girl. I can handle it-"
Stepping inside, he shakes his head. "No. I…I got this for Aly." He holds out the gift bag to her, and she takes it with her free hand as the other is holding the baby girl at her hip.
Pulling the item out of the gift bag, she smiles at the sight of a white toy dog that looks like a husky with a red collar on, the fur impossibly soft against her hand. "A dog." She says, holding it closer to Aly, who gives him a gummy, wide grin at the sight of it, reaching out for it.
As the toy is big enough, she can grasp it in her hands, holding it close and shaking it happily, and Daenerys giggles even when she gets hit in the chin with it.
"I saw it last night," He confesses, shrugging his shoulders as his hands go into his jacket pockets. "When we were walking around, I saw it in a shop. I couldn't get it because it was closed at the time, and I fuc- I forgot about it till I saw Aly earlier." He admits, sounding ashamed of himself. "I was pissed off at myself for forgetting. It annoyed me, and I just went and got it now."
Daenerys's eyes widen in surprise, "Wait, that's why you were so weird?" She asks with a small laugh. "I thought…I-I thought you were freaked out. I thought Aly…I thought we freaked you out or that you didn't want to get involved with me anymore."
"Fuck no!" Jon exclaims, looking offended at the mere thought of that. "Look, you do not deserve some man making a false promise of buying her a toy, and then she is left disappointed. I don't make false promises."
"She's four months old, Jon, she wouldn't know." She says, even though she understands his point.
"I would know." He states, and she smiles, trying to contain how wide it is as she knows it would make him awkward to see too many emotions, and he would think he had done something wrong. "I'm not a liar, so I didn't want to say I had plans. And I didn't want to disappoint you, so I didn't say what I was doing. I got the bloody thing because it looks like my dog at home, and I thought Aly would like it."
That may be one of the sweetest things that she has ever heard. It makes her want to burst into tears, if she is honest, but she somehow holds them back.
Glancing down at Aly on her hip, Daenerys grins to see her clutching the toy close, her open mouth pressed against it like a kiss, even though she knows it will be covered in baby drool soon enough. "You didn't have to…You're very sweet. You didn't have to worry about false promises, I would have understood."
"You deserve better than that." He states, like it should be obvious, and she hates the fact that her heart constricts, wondering how this man can make her laugh so much and feel so in awe at the same time. "You deserve to have a promise made and stuck to, not excuses and disappointment. And Aly deserves better, too."
She sighs, knowing she won't win this one, and she nods her head to the wine and chocolate in his other hand, "And the adult treats?"
"Oh." He holds up the non-alcoholic wine. "This is for if you forgave me for being a dickhead earlier, and it is non-alcoholic which is vile, but you are breastfeeding so needs must. And this," He holds up the chocolate. "Was a sweetener in case I was in the doghouse."
Laughing, she rolls her eyes at him, surprised even now how he can be so tough and gruff and grunting one moment with everyone else and even her and then thoughtful and sweet, honest and just decent.
Jon is possibly the most decent man she has ever met in her life, and she wonders why he hides it so much behind the 'tough guy' demeanour. He is kind, but only to people whom he deems deserve it, and he has deemed her as more than deserving.
(She once heard the expression 'you have been weighed, measured and found wanting' in a film, except, in this case, it feels as though she has been weighed, measured, and now, she feels wanted.
It has been a long time since she felt wanted.)
"Can we still drink the wine and eat the chocolate even if you stay and I'm not mad?" She asks.
He smirks, "I was hoping you would say that."
Lifting Aly higher on her hip, she nods her head to the TV, "We're watching PAW Patrol." She admits, and he snorts at the sight of the TV and the toys on the floor that they had been playing with. "So…If you don't mind playing with toy blocks and watching kids' TV with us, we would like it if you stayed."
Jon shrugs off his leather jacket, putting the wine and chocolate aside, "That depends on one thing." He throws his jacket over the sofa neatly.
"Oh?" She grins.
He points to the blocks on the floor, "I get to help her with the yellow ones."
Giggling, she extends her hand to them, "All yours, kind sir." She says before holding out Aly to him, and he takes her immediately, holding her on his side the way Daenerys had, her toy hitting him in the nose, but he barely reacts. "You start; I'll get our fake wine."
"Excellent plan." He kneels on the floor with Aly, settling her in his lap as she grabs the toy blocks, though she is more interested in her toy, and, in an act she hasn't seen from him before, he lowers his tone and speaks to her like any normal person would to a baby, "Is that your doggie?"
She laughs, and Daenerys has to force herself to go and find glasses, trying to listen to them as she does, though it mainly consists of him using a baby voice and Aly laughing or gurgling happily at him, the sounds music to her mother's ears.
When she comes back with the fake wines in hand, she is greeted by him, imitating a dog barking by going 'woof, woof' with the toy in hand, making Aly laugh even harder.
And she knows, feeling certain for the first time since Aly was born, that Jon is nothing like what she expected when they first met, his tough exterior completely gone with her and her daughter, leaving only the soft inner version of him that she gets the impression he hides from the rest of the world, just like she does.
Maybe, just maybe, they are not so different after all, she thinks, though she is cautious of her thoughts as she knows how people can often disappoint her, which is why she's always insisted her and Aly don't need anyone else, and that having someone around is not essential to her so long as her daughter is okay.
But, with Jon, she can't help but think how good it feels to be wanted.