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It is the cusp between night and morning; the endless midnight blue only being illuminated by the soft glow of streetlamps. Gojo Satoru stands with his hands in his pockets, tapping the toe of his shoe to the ground. It’s a tick that shows that he’s nervous, at least it is to Geto Suguru’s expert eye. Yet, Satoru stares straight at him, crystalline eyes unyielding.
“I love you." Satoru says.
"I have for a very long time. But..." He laughs, a quiet little sound that sounded almost like a breathless exhale.
"I think you've probably figured that out." He regards Suguru with a tilt of his head. Amber eyes avert for a split moment, a motion that wouldn't have been caught if he wasn't being observed like a hawk to its prey.
"Just thought I should let you know, since we're about to graduate." The ceremony is at the beginning of next month. Their university decisions are still up in the air. The plan for Keio got dashed when Suguru didn't end up with a scholarship, though he did have plenty of universities to choose from. Satoru could still go, but the black-haired boy knew he was leery of going without him, and his parents were expecting him to choose his father's Alma Mater.
"Satoru, I-"
"Give it some thought before you answer?" Then Satoru smiles, charmingly boyish and bright. A shiny beacon in the dark of the night showing no sign of daybreak.
Geto Suguru has always been the type to focus on the ‘here and now.’ It’s probably one of the reasons he gets along so well with Satoru. Never ones to make plans, all their friends knew if you wanted the duo to do anything then it would need to be sprung on them at the last minute. They were always enjoying the moment as it is, not really indulging in the future. It’s just like that with kids, the future seems so far away when you’re young.
Now, high school is coming to an end- along with their carefree youth. No longer the time for arcades or manga releases or playing video games until 3am, when the day to pick their university is around the corner. Graduation and adulthood loom ahead of them like a harbinger. As much as they both wanted to go to Keio, it just isn’t in the cards for Suguru any longer.
Suguru is stuck debating between Hokkaido and Kyoto University. Neither choice is anything to sneeze at; he had just planned to go to Keio with Satoru since that’s where the white-haired boy’s parents insisted that he attend. Satoru didn’t care one way or another, so he took the path most traveled. Going along with his parents' whims.
It wasn’t necessarily a plan, more like it just happened to be. Suguru was fine with it. Keio’s a great school. It just had a very low acceptance rate. Satoru was a shoe-in because of his family. Even if Satoru had shitty grades, they would have used their money and influence to get him in. Suguru’s not so lucky with familial prestige but his grades were on par with Satoru’s, but being a private university also meant it was expensive. So, Suguru needed a scholarship.
That scholarship... Didn’t happen. Maybe someone smarter got it. Maybe someone poorer. Suguru wasn’t privy to the finer details, he just knew of the denial by the means of a fancy worded letter that basically told him ‘you just aren’t enough.’
He still hasn’t told Satoru. He planned to, of course, but it never seemed like the right time. Too busy living in the last moments of their high school days. Maybe Suguru was just a little scared to shatter it too early. Realization crashing down that they’ll be adults soon, needing to think about the future- Their futures. Just a bit wary of Satoru’s response. Whether he’ll be absolutely okay to move on without him or cling to him like a lifeline. Deep down, Suguru already knows what Satoru will do. As happy as it makes him, Satoru choosing him over anything else... Suguru also knows the consequences of Satoru’s decision to disobey his parents.
If Satoru ended up not going to Keio, his parents were likely to disown him. Satoru played it off jokingly when he told Suguru this but knowing the Gojo’s- It definitely was not a joke. Going to Keio would be the best choice for Satoru for an easy life. Doing what his parents want, completely paid for. Sure, they wouldn’t be able to go to the same school or even live together like they wanted. But Satoru deserves the best in life. He deserves everything to be easy. They aren’t kids anymore; they have to be serious about the world now. Why not set yourself up on a better path?
Suguru was planning on telling Satoru all of this, expressing his feelings on the matter. Maybe swaying Satoru to go to Keio without him. They could see each other during breaks. Every single one, no matter how small. Spring, summer, winter. A promise to always come home. If Suguru picked Kyoto, they might even be able to see each other on the weekends. The Nozomi line on the Shinkansen only took about two hours between Kyoto and Tokyo. Then another twenty minutes to Minato City to get to Keio. Opposed to the almost eight hours it takes to get from Sapporo station to Tokyo station, including the change over. He could still make the journey but he wouldn’t have as much time to spend with Satoru over the full weekend.
On their way back from the convenience store, ice cream in hand as they walked to Satoru’s house. They had a sleepover since his parents were away on a business trip. They had the whole house to themselves. The trip to the convenience store was a spur of the moment kind of thing, just for a late-night craving of an icy sweet treat.
Satoru had already shoved the two he bought down his throat in an impressive feat while Suguru was barely halfway through his own. Satoru chattered on about some show he was watching recently- one that he swears Suguru should watch too. Because, yeah, he’d totally love it. The need strikes Suguru then, bringing up the whole ‘university’ situation he’s been putting off. Now is just as good as any other time or maybe even better now that Satoru’s loaded with sugar.
They pause at the playground they spent their entire childhood playing in. It had a dome that could be climbed into with stars cut out on the ceiling, showing off the sky above. They’d lay in there for hours staring up at the clouds passing by. Suguru’s mouth drops open, the sentence he’s practiced over and over again like a mantra ready at the tip of his tongue. That’s when Satoru leveled him with an ocean-eyed stare, expression open and genuine, freezing Suguru in his tracks.
I love you.
They make the rest of their way back in silence. Suguru’s mind reeled, and his heart felt like it was about to burst out of his chest. They exchanged pleasantries when they tucked in for the night; everything about Satoru’s demeanor seemed normal. Too normal in juxtaposition to how tumultuous Suguru felt.
It wasn’t until they were both under the fancy Egyptian cotton sheets of Satoru’s ridiculously large bed that Suguru realized that he never even finished his ice cream.
--
Geto Suguru loves Gojo Satoru. Make no mistake about that. The white-haired boy is his most important person in the world. He’d do anything for him. If they were in one of those Shonen Manga’s where the hero would be faced with saving the one he loves or the entire world- well, Suguru guesses he wouldn’t make a very good hero because he’d choose Satoru every single time. Fuck the world if Satoru wasn’t in it.
Satoru’s happiness and comfort were the priority to anyone else's, even his own. At any point before this in their lives, Suguru would have reciprocated without a single thought. Now they are faced with the future. Suguru wouldn’t say it out loud but he thinks the future is terrifying. The uncertainty of it. As much as he wants to ride off into the sunset on a giant white horse with Satoru, only thinking about the love they share for each other.
That’s not how this works. This isn’t a romantic comedy, it’s real life. Say, he tells Satoru the truth. That he loves him. They’d be together. They’d hug and kiss and have sex. Suguru still wouldn’t be able to go to Keio. They’d have to spend years apart, only seeing each other on breaks and maybe the weekends. Suguru knows how long-distance relationships go- they don’t turn out well.
Suguru knew, though, that Satoru was going to follow him wherever he went. He didn’t care about Keio, only going because it wouldn’t cause any recourse with his parents. But when Suguru tells him that he didn’t get the scholarship, well, Satoru will end up going wherever Suguru chooses. Like it’s only logical. That would cause strain with his parents, financial trouble. Satoru hadn’t applied for scholarships because he didn’t need them. What if his parents decided not to pay for tuition because he denied their wish of him attending Keio? Suguru doesn’t want to be the reason Satoru can’t go to college. He doesn’t want to cause the other boy strain or stress.
The concerns weigh on Suguru the rest of the weekend. Continuously zoning out and getting distracted from what Satoru was saying or doing. The other boy didn’t comment on it until Suguru lost epically at Tekken 8. A game Satoru had never been able to beat him at before but this time took a sweeping win.
"I hope you’re actually thinking about it and not just getting caught up in that head of yours,” Satoru sighs as he tosses the controller haphazardly to the ground as he stares at the screen as the victory sequence plays. Suguru’s head snaps to him, amber eyes wide.
“What? No. I was just distracted.” Satoru scoffs, rolling his eyes at Suguru’s answer.
“All day?” He asks.
“I- Yeah...” Suguru didn’t even believe himself. He watches as Satoru stands, hands on his knees as he pushes himself to full height. Suguru scrambles up himself, worrying his bottom lip at the silence that stretches between them.
“Do you hate me, Suguru?” The question is quiet and Satoru still doesn’t look at him.
“Of course not-” He rushes out, stumbling over each word.
“I could never hate you.” Could there ever be a universe where Geto Suguru could hate Gojo Satoru? Suguru didn’t believe so. If their souls spanned over a limitless number of timelines, there would never be one in which Suguru hated the white-haired boy.
“Can’t even lie and say you do?” Black eyebrows knit together in confusion at the question.
“Why would I?” He rebuttals, hands twitching at his sides to just reach out and take Satoru’s hand in his. To pull the other boy close and wrap his arms around the lanky frame.
“Dunno.” Satoru shrugs and turns to Suguru with a smile that says he already knows the answer.
“You tell me.” Suguru searches nervously for something to say, yet every time he comes up short. Wouldn’t it be easy to say it back? It should be. Because loving Satoru is easy. The easiest thing Suguru has ever done, in fact.
“I love you.” Satoru breaks the silence. Suguru’s mouth falls open in an almost automatic response. ‘I love you too,’ he wants to say. He’s always, always loved Satoru. Like his soul was born already doing so. Yet, he stays quiet.
“I’m going to say it. Over and over and over again.” Satoru looks over to the TV, the winning sequence replaying on an endless loop, and then back to Suguru. Eyes crystal clear and as blue as cloudless sky on a sunny day.
“Because it’s true.” Suguru’s breath hitches at the expression of pure verity on Satoru’s face, catching in his throat like he was gasping for air. His heart thuds rhythmically against the cage of his chest. It feels like it’s reverberating in his ears, so loud he wouldn’t be surprised if Satoru could hear it too.
“Anyways,” Satoru says suddenly, tearing his eyes away from the stalemate they held with Suguru’s.
“I'm hungry. Let’s order pizza.” He walks over to grab his phone off the coffee table, leaving Suguru to blink after him. The black-haired boy flexes his fingers, flinching at how they ache from how they were tightly curled into fists. He hadn’t even noticed they were clenched. He rubs his fingertips together, feeling fidgety.
“We just had pizza.” He says, trying to sound as normal as possible. Satoru clicks his tongue.
‘Well, I want it again.” If he notices Suguru’s nerves, he doesn’t comment on it. Easily falling back into their friendly banter.
“What about karage?” He throws out the suggestion just for something to say. Satoru’s eyes light up like a blue flame and he knows the decision was changed. A smile tugs at the corners of his lips, feeling ridiculously fond.
--
Suguru isn’t sure what prompts him to blurt out he didn’t get into Keio at the end of their lunch break at school the next day, but he curses whatever it was nonetheless. He watches two pairs of wide eyes stare at him. He’s never really seen Shoko’s expression change so much. Her typical deadpan expression is a hard one to crack unless it’s for a laugh. It was hard to surprise her. Well, gold trophy to him then.
The pocky stick hanging precariously on the edge of Satoru’s slack-jawed mouth finally tips the balance and falls to the desk. It breaks in half, little crumbs getting all over the wood grain. Suguru cringes. Hopefully that wasn’t a bad omen.
“Wow,” Shoko says as she pushes her chair away from the desk.
“I suddenly have to use the bathroom.” She dusts off some non-existent dirt from her uniform and turns with a swish of her skirt, throwing an order of returning the chair to its home as she walks away. Satoru merely waves her off.
“Have fun taking a shit.” He says it to embarrass her even though he knows it won’t. She lifts her hand up in a crude gesture before disappearing through the door. All the eyes that curiously follow her are ignored by Satoru and Suguru when they shift over to them.
“So...” Satoru draws out the vowel. He picks up the broken pieces of his pocky to pop them into his mouth, munching loudly.
“Where are you going, then?” Suguru blinks even though he knew that question was coming. If Satoru hadn’t asked then Suguru is sure his feelings would have been hurt.
“I have the choice between Hokkaido or Kyoto.” Well, plus a few more but they were just back up of his back up schools. Weren’t really contenders unless he was screwed otherwise. Suguru watches nervously as Satoru flicks open the box of pocky, pulls another out and pops it into his mouth. Only stopping to chomp it in half before pushing the rest of it inside.
“Hm. Okay. Just tell me which one you accept and I’ll go there too.” It’s said so nonchalant that it kind of pisses Suguru off. Satoru mulls over what he’s going to eat for lunch more than that. This was their future but he didn’t even spare it a single thought? It was only a few passing seconds before Satoru answered. A few seconds for something that could change everything about his life and how he lives it.
“Satoru. You can’t do that.” Suguru says quickly, disbelief lacing his tone.
“Do what?” A snowy eyebrow raises. He sounds so oblivious. Suguru lets out a shaky breath, feeling anxiety bubble up in the pit of his stomach.
“Satoru- You- You need to think about it. What about your parents? They basically demanded you go to Keio. They might-” He cuts himself off, realizing he was speaking about matters that required a whisper.
“They could disown you.” He says as he drops his voice. Satoru pops another pocky stick in his mouth, tilting his head to the side to regard Suguru with an unbothered look.
“Eh, maybe. Probably not though.” Satoru just shrugs. Suguru presses his thumb to the center of his furrow brow, headache brewing underneath the creases.
“You can’t be certain.” He says. To which Satoru sighs. Actually sighs. Like Suguru is being silly or impossible or ridiculous.
“Suguru, I don’t care about Keio. Never did. I was only going because it was easy and you were going. Take you out of the equation? It’s nowhere I want to be.” Suguru is momentarily floored. He doesn’t quite understand why. He knew that Satoru would react this way. It’s in no way out of character for the other boy. For some reason, hearing it from Satoru instead of just in his head really drives it home. It’s real that way, not just some thought that Suguru conjures up in his head to make him feel better.
Satoru looks like he’s going to say something else but gets distracted by the drag of the classroom door. Shoko wanders back in, her eyes that always reminded Suguru of hot chocolate on a cold winter day find them. She nods to them, as if to say ‘everything okay?’ Satoru tips his head back with a grin as he throws up a peace sign before looking back to Suguru. Breath catches in Suguru’s throat. The bell rings. Time for everyone to head back to their own seats.
“Man,” Satoru groans as he shoves the chair Shoko was sitting in back to whatever desk it came from.
“I didn’t even finish my pocky.” The white-haired boy tosses Suguru a casual farewell as he heads back to his seat. Suguru sits for the rest of the school day with anxiety threatening to spill over.
--
Suguru’s on autopilot after school. Just going through the motions as he follows Satoru like a puppy dog down to the entryway. He changes his shoes and shoulders his bag just like he does every day, walking out of the school to Satoru’s house like he was programmed to do it.
“Is the reason you won’t answer me is because of you not getting into Keio?” Satoru asks suddenly, or maybe there was a lead up that Suguru didn't notice because he was too lost in his head.
Yes. ...Well, no. It isn’t fully a ‘no’ either. Then, a ‘maybe?’ Satoru stares at him while he sputters for a moment, then sighs. A little heavy.
“It doesn’t matter.” Suguru makes a confused noise, it’s small and pathetic as he feels his heart sink.
“You love me or you don’t- Either way, I won’t be going to Keio.” Irritation flares within Suguru. His emotions raging like a stormy sea.
“You’re being a brat,” Suguru says. It slips from his mouth like it was automatic.
“You’re not thinking about your future.” Satoru has the audacity to roll those beautiful blue eyes of his.
“Suguru.” He sounds like he’s speaking to a young child.
“I’ve been thinking about the future for a while now. There’s so many paths I could take, but each one has a constant. Something that remains unchanging. Every single future has you in it.”
“Wherever you go, I’ll follow. Just like you would for me.” By Satoru’s side. That’s where Suguru knows he belongs, even as the world caves in around them. Satoru would be the one he would stand next to as the Earth burns to the ground. Suguru swallows. A gulp of saliva that burns down his throat.
“Because... I love you, Suguru.” The black-haired boy’s heart aches in his chest, eyelids rapidly blinking to ward off the tears welling up. He loves Satoru so fucking much. He wants to yell it from the rooftops. Write in the air with a jet. ‘Geto Suguru loves Gojo Satoru more than anything in the world.’ But, right then, he stays silent.
“And I’ll tell you every day until you give me an answer.” Satoru says, offering him a tender smile that he doesn’t deserve.
--
From then on, Satoru tells Suguru that he loves him every day.
They’ve decided on Kyoto University, the snow fall was less but also Satoru’s parents were more inclined to that one since Keio was off the table. They took it better than Suguru thought they would. Far too easy. It frayed his nerves a bit, completely on edge and waiting for the other shoe to drop. What were the stipulations? There had to be some. Satoru had to tell him to chill out. Shoko even offered him a cigarette, which he almost took if it wasn’t for the stank face Satoru shot him.
The stipulations or threat to disown Satoru never came. Satoru’s mother seemed rather indifferent about the whole thing while his father made a comment about how without Suguru, Satoru probably wouldn’t even go to college. Suguru threw the white-haired boy a questioning look. To which Satoru merely shrugged. That meant ‘yes.’
“Satoru...” Suguru speaks his name softly to the quiet of the other boy’s room hours after they both spoke to his parents about going somewhere other than Keio.
“Do you really not want to go to university?” He asks. Blue eyes peer up at him from the floor. Suguru sat on the bed while Satoru had slithered off to rummage underneath it for something.
“How did I know you were going to ask me that?” It’s said in a large exhale of a sigh. Suguru blinks.
“Because you know me better than you know yourself?” Satoru pops up with a grin.
“Exactly!” He tosses a book into Suguru’s lap. The black-haired boy looks down, eyebrows furrowing.
“University is whatever. I don’t think I’d care about it if it wasn’t for you though.” Satoru speaks clearly. Truthful and genuine, serious to the core. It’s not a tone he takes a lot. Only when he means whatever he’s saying with all of his being.
“Having that experience with you makes it worth it to me.” Satoru’s words patch over the cracks in all of Suguru’s reservations. He feels that way too. Even if he wanted to go to university anyways, get a degree and make something of himself. Doing it with Satoru right by his side just seemed right. Correct. Meant to be. A smile twitches at the edge of his lips before they tug down into a frown as he focuses on the book in his lap.
“Is this the book I lent you two years ago?” In Suguru’s lap sits The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles. A title he had been obsessed with upon reading it and loaned it to the other boy to read, never to see it again. Until today. After Satoru fished it out from the depths of under his bed.
“Oh yeah, I remembered where I lost it.” He grins at him, full and toothy. A shit-eating grin if Suguru had ever seen one. The black haired boy pressed a thumb to the middle of his brow as he talked himself down from throttling his best friend. His most important person. Probably the love of his damn life. That’s right. He loved Satoru. He can’t kill him. Unfortunately, he would miss him too much.
“Satoru- I swear to-” Satoru cuts him off with a pathetic whine.
“Suguru.” He pouts, directing his big blue eyes to Suguru with purpose.
“I love you! Don’t be mad!” The big puppy dog eyes that melts Suguru quicker than he’d like to admit. A soft, fuzzy feeling warming him from the inside. He sighs, sounding fond.
“I’m not mad.” Suguru’s voice is so sweet and tender that it aches a little. He notices the pink dusting the white-haired boy’s cheeks as Satoru turns his head to grab a game controller on his side table.
“Good.” Satoru says as he throws it at Suguru.
“Now I’m going to beat your ass at Mortal Kombat.”
That night they ended up falling asleep together in Satoru’s bed and when Suguru wakes up the next morning, with fluffy white hair tickling his nose and arms clamped around him like a koala hugging a tree- He knew that’s how he wanted to wake up for the rest of his life.
--
Now, all Suguru’s anxieties are quelled. Effectively laying them all to rest. Yet, he still can’t bring himself to confess. Every time he tries, the words get stuck in his throat. Lodged in there like he was choking on something even though it should be easy. He loves Satoru. So much so. What is holding him back?
He mulls over it every day, taking long periods of time to think in silence. Ask some strangers on the internet for their opinion. Has a few heartfelt conversations with Shoko, who stared at him like he should be paying for her time.
The realization comes out of nowhere. He’s having breakfast before he goes over to pick Satoru up on the way to school, at the kitchen table eating the last bit of his rolled omelette as he debates on eating the rest of his rice. His mother is cleaning some dishes as she listens to some motivational speaker who was probably a cult leader.
“Regret is a form of punishment itself-” The voice crackles on the old radio his mother insists on using since it is the first present his father ever gave her. Suguru straightens up, alert and at attention, his rice completely forgotten.
Regret? He sits there, feeling a little numb. He knows it isn’t regret in the way that Suguru would regret. He could never, ever, regret Satoru. An impossibility. No, it isn’t his own regret Suguru is terrified of. It’s Satoru’s. He doesn’t want Satoru to regret him.
One day when they are twenty-something, he couldn’t bear if Satoru looked at him with indifference- no love within those sky-blue eyes. Like Suguru was just a waste of his time. Something he wished he did differently. The love he has now is not as strong as he thought it would be. Every kiss and touch they shared could have, should have been with anyone else besides Suguru. Because they were just better at being friends.
That’s the safe choice, isn’t it? To stay friends. There’s nothing to regret with something that’s never been possessed. Never give a chance for more, because more could be so easily broken. Decimated into tiny little pieces like a hammer smashing into fine china. Jagged little pieces of finely decorated porcelain.
Suguru doesn’t think he could survive it. Satoru regretting him would break his heart and crush his soul, leaving him nothing more than an empty husk. So, he can’t. He won’t. He’ll tell Satoru they shouldn’t be together. To just remain friends. It’s selfish but when it comes to Satoru, he’s always been as selfish as he is selfless.
--
“I’m sorry-” Satoru says with a tone of pure disbelief. Suguru chews his bottom lip nervously. They are on their way back from another late night, nearly morning run to the convenience store. Satoru’s already polished off an ice-cream. Suguru’s is growing mushy in its package.
“What did you just say?” Honey brown eyes shift, trying to look anywhere but the boy standing in front of him. Not that Satoru was even a ‘boy’ anymore. They were eighteen, at the beginning of adulthood... So, why does Suguru feel like a child right now?
“I just- I just think that we shouldn’t be together.” The words taste acidic as they leave his mouth, leaving behind a harsh taste on his tongue. He cringes at how they sound, too. Like he was lying. He couldn’t even believe his own self.
“Uh... Romantically.” He tacks on after a moment of Satoru just staring at him silently.
“You’re actually serious?” Satoru’s voice is steady as he asks the question, no hint of a quiver, but the hurt still bleeds through.
“Say it then.” Arms fold across Satoru’s chest, a defensive stance. Suguru stares at him, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. He knew exactly what the white-haired boy meant, and yet he still has the audacity to play it off like it didn’t.
“Say wha-”
“Say that you don’t love me.” Satoru cuts him off with a harsh bite. Suguru’s mouth moves, sputtering as if he was a gasping fish out of water. No words come out. There was no way he could lie about that. Not looking directly into Satoru’s beautiful blue eyes. Not whispering it in the dark of night in his bedroom, all alone. Geto Suguru declaring he did not love Gojo Satoru was something his brain couldn’t even comprehend.
“You can’t.” It’s a statement, not a question.
“You can’t say that you don’t love me because it isn’t true. Why? Why, Suguru?” Satoru pleads, sounding desperate.
“Just-” Suguru starts, trying to formulate some kind of excuse. Every excuse he comes up with sounds pathetic. Satoru sighs, heavy and crestfallen.
“Tell me the truth.” He murmurs quietly, though it seems to echo in the desolate street they stand in.
“The truth...” Suguru trails off, pausing only to take in a deep breath and then let it out slowly. He can feel his hands tremble; he clenches them into fists in efforts to control the shake. The only choice he had now was to bear his soul to Satoru. Tell him everything that he’s thinking and feeling. His anxiety spikes.
But this is Satoru. The person he treasures. The person he loves. The only person who has never judged him. Satoru deserved the truth.
“The truth is that I want to hold your hand right now. I want to kiss you. And hold you. Until my last dying breath. The truth is that if you never looked at another person other than me for the rest of your life, I’d be the happiest man in the world.” His voice sounds so soft and tender, achingly so even to his own ears.
"The truth is- I know I’d never get over you. You’re the only person for me. Now and forever and probably even beyond that. Satoru... I feel for you so much, so strongly, that I’m sure it’s the only thing keeping my heart beating.” His heart sits heavy in his chest, weighted down by every single word.
“And I know that if you ever looked at me with regret in your eyes. Satoru, it would kill me.” His eyes burn with unshed tears as he takes a shuttering breath. The white-haired boy’s eyebrows knit together, confusion and hurt mixed on his face.
“Regret you? I would never regret you or anything about you.” Suguru drags his hand down his face. As much as he loves to hear it...
“It could happen- one day, years from now, you’ll realize that I’m not good enough for you and move on to someone that is. Rightfully so.” Suguru says, eyes forlorn. He has always been as selfless as he is selfish when it comes to Satoru. Blue eyes blink rapidly, mouth falling open as a whirlwind of emotions passes over Satoru’s expression.
“Suguru-” He takes a step closer. Then another. Until they stand toe to toe. His arms rise slowly, like Suguru’s a scared injured animal ready to bolt. Maybe he is. Hands gently cup his cheeks, cradled along Suguru’s face like the fit of a perfect puzzle pieces. Satoru tilts his head up just slightly, so they are staring eye to eye.
“If you only ever believe one thing I say, then just believe this...” He pauses for Suguru to give him a small, unsure nod.
“There is no one better or worse for me. You are perfect. To me. For me. Suguru, it’s- it’s like you were meant to be mine.” He knocks their foreheads together with a soft thud.
“And I was meant to be yours.” Suguru bites his lip as his chin threatens to wobble.
“As for regrets- I'm sure they will happen. It’s a part of life. But with you? I could never, ever, regret anything when it comes to you.” Suguru shakily exhales, shoulders easing from tension as he relaxes into Satoru’s hold. His hands find purchase on Satoru’s sides, fingers curling into the cut of his waistline, using it as if it were an anchor.
“So.” Satoru says, offering him a gentle smile and more kindness than Suguru thinks he deserves.
“Do you love me, Suguru?” He asks.
“Yes-” Suguru wastes no time answering. The next words he utters falling out of his mouth as naturally as it is to breathe. “I love you.”
“Then we’ll see what the future holds... Together.” Hand in hand, they walk the short distance to their childhood playground to take residence there in the early morning hours. Anyone passing by would probably be concerned with two fully grown boys perching on the swing set while it’s still dark. They tried to squeeze themselves into the dome with the star shapes cut into the ceiling, but they quickly realized that they were both far too tall to fit into it. So, they opted for the swings even though their feet still drug the ground if they didn’t pull their knees up.
“You know, Suguru, you could have just talked to me about it. Instead of worrying yourself to death.” The white-haired boy had been teasing him for the past twenty minutes. Which is completely deserved but, man, could Satoru go on and on about something without taking a single breath for pause.
“Yes, Satoru, I realize that.” The other boy pays him no mind and continues nattering.
“Cause, for real dude, that whole ‘we can’t be together’ was out of some Romeo and Juliet-esque romance novel.” Suguru sighs. In hindsight, his decision to spiral alone was foolish. Satoru’s always been by his side, always there to help him through whatever he needed. Why would this time be any different? Did Satoru’s confession, the actual reality that the other boy loved him back, cause his entire brain to melt like that ice cream he threw in the trashcan.
“It’s not really your fault though,” Satoru says softly. Suguru twists around in the swing to look at him.
“You can’t really help how your brain makes you feel, yeah? It’s just a part of being human.” Satoru rocks back and forth in his swing, always unable to keep still. Suguru smiles softly at him. The white-haired boy always seemed to understand better than anyone else. Even his parents. And always knew the right thing to say. He’d say he didn’t deserve him but- well, Satoru got it through his thick skull that if anyone else in this world deserved one another, it was them.
“As much as I wished you just told me you loved me back when I confessed- it's fine that it didn't happen like that. We did it our own way, just like we always do.” Satoru looks at him, the flutter of his eyelashes catching the fluorescent light just right and making him look ethereal. Satoru has always been so beautiful to Suguru. Mind, body and soul. A perfect reflection of everything Suguru wanted and needed all wrapped up in long limbs, white hair and blue eyes.
“I kind of like that better.” Satoru says, grinning.
“Even though I got kinda worried at times. I almost convinced myself that you really didn’t love me back and you were just being kind.” It’s quiet then, a short moment of reflection. Satoru didn’t want another apology, he told Suguru several times to stop with every ‘I’m sorry’ that dropped out of the other boy’s mouth. What is done is done and now they can look to the future. Go off to college, get an apartment- all those things that Suguru had dreamed of doing.
“I guess the only missed opportunity is that you didn’t kiss me.” Suguru snaps to attention then, sitting up in his swing, fully focused. Kiss? A kiss? Kissing Satoru? He rolls his shoulders as a shiver runs up his spine.
“Been waiting for years for my first kiss-” Satoru says, leaning back as his swing swoops forward.
“And I still don’t- uh-” Satoru cuts himself off with a confused noise as his swing stops. His hands tighten around the linked chains to brace himself as he gets jostled at the abrupt stop. He blinks up.
“Satoru,” Suguru purrs out. He stands before him, so close that he can feel the other boy’s body heat, one of his hands gripped around the swing to keep it still. He looks down at Satoru with warm amber eyes. His lips are quirked up into a soft smile as the streetlamps illuminate a golden halo around the ebony hair that cascades around Suguru’s shoulders.
Satoru’s breath hitches, eyes wide as he stares up at Suguru in awe.
“I think that maybe...” Suguru trails off, eyes averting down to Satoru’s as his fingers curl around his chin. The black-haired boy’s thump trails over the bottom lip, the calloused pad of his finger catching slightly on the delicate skin of Satoru’s lips. Involuntarily, Satoru licks his lips. His tongue accidentally caught the side of Suguru’s finger.
“That’s something we can remedy.” A smile spreads across Satoru’s face, eyes now shining.
“Yeah?” He asks. Suguru matches the smile.
“Yeah.” He answers before swiftly leaning down to capture Satoru’s mouth in a kiss. A satisfied moan escapes one of them, they aren’t sure who. They don’t care who, only focusing on the kiss. Tilting their heads to fit together perfectly, deepening it with tongue as their lips slide together in perfect tandem.
On the horizon, a tender ray of light peaks over, brightening the world in a soft glow. Daybreak dawning to the rest of their lives together.