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Being sick is the absolute worst. The body aches, the stuffed nose, the feeling of motion sickness any time you move. Buck absolutely hates it with the passion of a thousand burning suns. If there was some way to just skip over being sick, he would choose that. Every single time.
It always hits him hard and fast. Even when he was a kid, the flu would be going around at school and Buck would always get worse than the other kids. What makes him hate it the worst is what it brought out in his parents. Most of the time they barely spoke to him unless it was about dinner being done, stop being noisy, or how much he needs to concentrate in school. Being sick though, they directed every little thing at him. “Evan stop coughing in the living room.”
“Evan what do you want, you're getting your germs everywhere.” “I don't know where the medicine is! I'm busy, get it yourself.” As he grew older, Buck learned to keep it to himself when he wasn’t feeling too good. By the time he was in high school, no one ever knew that he was even sick.
Even during football practice his team never heard him violently sneezing in the change room before each day. He’d shove more than a handful of tissues against his nose, basically soundproofing the noises. With a little concealer to his bright red nose, he’d be looking perfectly normal. The pushing away the pain was the easy part, he did it so often it was like knowing how to breathe.
As an adult, being sick has seemed to get worse. The many years of being a firefighter and being surrounded by pain, death and so many disgusting fluids, his body has really taken account of that. The shivers rattle his bones with even an inch of moving. The smell of any sort of food he tries to eat makes him vomit. No matter how hard he tries, nothing ever stays down. His nose stays plugged for so long, he’s breathing harder and harder each day. A couple times he’s woken himself up in the middle of the night, choking on air because he happened to roll over and shut his mouth.
Going from single to in a relationship, to single again has its ups and downs. The downs of being with someone and being sick is so down low it’s almost hell. The way he has to juggle staying with his partner when they want to go out, or lay around the apartment all while hiding how sick he really is.
One time while he was a couple months into dating Taylor, she mentioned it one night while watching some movie he couldn’t pay attention to. “You know I have never seen you sick yet. Two weeks into dating I was violently ill, and yet you never got sick.” Buck ended up shrugging the topic off and distracting her instead. It wasn’t brought up again.
Now that he’s single, and definitely not ready to mingle, being sick is actually easy to handle. He can focus all his energy on being the perfect image of health at work, while at home he can curl into the darkness of his house and sleep it off. Which is his plan for the next few days. They’ve been hard at work lately, with Christmas coming up in a couple months, so people are going crazy and doing insane things to make sure they have everything they need.
His 3 days off have finally come around, and he’s exhausted. Buck feels like he’s not even in his own body anymore. As the shift comes to an end, he feels himself float across the bay into the locker rooms. One second he’s turning the lock open, a blink and he’s inside of his car on the way home. If anyone said or asked him anything, he wouldn't remember, which would be scary, but honestly right now all Buck can think about is making himself a cup of tea and crawling into bed.
Which is exactly what he does the moment his boots are tossed aside once he’s inside his house. All the blinds are closed, lights switched off. Buck blindly grabs what he needs, shuffles to his bedroom and flops down onto his bed. The moment his head hits the comforter, he’s out. The last thing he remembers thinking about is how he is so glad no one figured out how sick he is.
______
Eddie had been racking his brain all shift as to what was wrong with Buck. He seemed off, not like a big major flag or anything, just the little things. When they got back from a small grease fire at some small dinner, he was out of the engine so fast Eddie barely had time to think. Then again around the time where no calls are usually sent they’re way, Buck was laying in his bunk just staring up at the ceiling with his mouth wide open. Not asleep but also, weirdly not awake.
When he watched Buck in the change rooms after shift, he wanted to say something, ask him if everything was alright. He could barely open his mouth to say something when Buck sped out of there avoiding everyone. “Hey, what’s up with lover boy?” Chim popped his head out from his own locker, eyes darting from where Buck was just standing and over to Eddie.
“That’s what I was wondering. Does he seem off to you?”
Chim barked out a laugh, slamming his locker shut. “Off is one word for it.”
Eddie rolled his eyes, throwing his bag over his shoulder. “Never mind. Forget it.”
The rest of the drive home all he could think about was Buck and how weird he looked these last couple of days. Now don’t get him wrong, they’ve all been working hard lately, but Buck looked even more pale. A light hint of purple around his eyes, maybe from not getting enough sleep. His nose seemed to do a lot of twitching lately, like he was either pushing back from itching or smelling something weird around the station.
When he got inside the house and tossed his stuff into his room, Chris was sitting at his computer, chatting away with some friends. Eddie did a quick little knock on the door, pulling his son’s attention away from the game. “Hey bud. You eaten yet?”
“Yeah. An hour or two ago. Work alright?”
Eddie smiles. “Yeah, although. I might be over thinking it, but Buck was off today. I know what your going to say but there was just-”
Chris sighed, fully pausing his game and sliding his headset off. He turned his chair fully facing Eddie now. “Dad, go. If you think something is wrong, just go. I can come with you if you'd prefer, but I really don’t want to be stuck in between you too. Especially if something is wrong, I unfortunately know how you get when you’re, let’s say protective.”
Eddie laughed, face flushing the slightest hue of pink. “Alright alright. Gonna grab a couple things and then head over. Let me know if you need anything while I’m out. Lock the do-”
He sighed, putting his headset back on. “I know dad. Tell Buck I say hi. I’ll see you in the morning.”
It didn’t take a dummy to understand what Chris was getting at. Eddie has made it very clear his feelings for Buck. Chris keeps trying to push him to just tell Buck that nothing bad could happen from him knowing. Eddie being the doubter doesn’t think like that. He’s worried that telling Buck how he feels will ruin everything. That’s his best friend, the person who he goes to when he needs help, in every single way. Stepping over that line and not having it go the way Eddie wants, that would be like getting shot all over again.
Plus there’s no way Buck could ever love Eddie like that, he’s damaged. He can never have a stable relationship to save his life. For God sakes, he lost his son to his own parents because of some stupid mistake he made one fucking time. Buck would never want to willingly be in a relationship with someone like that.
Eddie brushed off the thoughts of how awful and depressed he would be about being rejected by his best friend. He tossed his clothes in the wash, randomly grabbing some new ones, just in case he does have to end up staying the night at Buck's. He doesn’t grab a sweater though, that's reserved for all of Bucks to choose from. Eddie may or may not ‘borrow’ most of his sweaters and accidentally forget to give them back until a month later.
He’s been doing this for years. It’s funny looking back at how much, and how long he’s loved Buck for. Going from stealing his clothes, to feeding him snacks in the station, to putting him in his own will to watch Chris if something happens.
After 15mins of rummaging around for things and saying quick goodnight to Chris, he’s hopping back into his truck and heading off to see Buck. Hopefully it’s nothing too serious, God he hopes it’s not the drugs again. Eddie knows Buck wouldn’t go back there again though, they both know how hard that was. Although he wouldn’t mind staying at his bedside and watching him while he sleeps again. Or laying in the bed next to him, silently whispering the words from one of his favourite books.
Eddie misses being that close and needed by Buck. He wants to be the one who will wait hand and foot on him. Popping into a room at the sound of a bell, beckoning to Buck. He would do anything for Buck. To Buck. For Buck. Anything and everything.
____
He knocks three times, huffing by the third when no one answers the door. “Fine, doing this the hard way then.” Eddie mutters as he rummages through his bag for the house keys. Buck gave him a set when he first moved in, of course when one is home the other shows up shortly. They barely use one another’s keys. It’s mainly for emergencies. “Which apparently, this is.” He huffs out, as the door swings open.
The entire room is pitch black, no lamp or even a blinking light to be seen. “Buck?” He whispers, taking a step further into the house. Eddie quietly shuts the door behind him, toeing off his shoes and flicking on the hall light.
He can see now, that nothing has been touched. The pillows are still nicely sat on the couch, blankets all folded and set aside for someone to use. Living room blinds drawn to a close, almost like Buck was aggressively hating the sun. Which, he gets, the sun can be a bitch. It’s ok though because Eddie is here now to shoot that sun down, metaphorically ofc. He never wants to handle a gun ever again.
“Buck?” Eddie walks more into the house, wincing at the creaking of the floor boards as he walks. There’s no response so he checks the kitchen, maybe Buck is doing some baking with his headphones on again. He likes to do that, says it blocks out any surrounding distractions so he can get things done.
Again, there’s no sight of anyone being in this room for hours. The dishes are all nicely put away, counters and sink so clean you could probably see your reflection in it. The baked goods from the other night sitting on the counter, all wrapped up and saved for Chris like he said he was gonna do. “Come on, this isn’t funny.” Eddie storms down the hall towards the bedroom. “I'm getting worried.” He could hear his voice wavering, but pushed aside any horrible thoughts.
Eddie gently pushed the bedroom door open, peering into more darkness. “Buck?” He squinted, fully swinging the door wide open now. Without a second thought he takes a step forward, using the screen from his phone as a light, not wanting to have anything too bright. In case, well, this is something much worse than he’s hoping it is.
As he reached the end of the bed, the light shone across his body. Eddie felt his heart racing and quickly fumbled to flick on the side lamp. Immediately moaning came from him, Eddie watched with fear as Buck rolled away from the light. “Buck.” He slid himself down onto the bed, hand shaking as he pressed it to the, now pale looking arm covering Buck’s eyes.
“Hmm.” The most painful noise came from him. “ie?” He managed to mutter out the last bit of Eddie’s name, his other hand coming out from under the blanket.
“Hey, I’m here. What’s wrong?” He was forcing himself to put on a brave face, almost like he did with Chris when he was younger. “You don’t look too good.”
A shuddering cough tumbled its way out of Buck. He took a couple seconds to recover, before pulling the blanket over his face again. “Mm finedie.”
Eddie leans over, flicking the light off again, leaving the two of them in darkness. He slowly pulls the blanket away, letting Buck get some air. The crease between his eyebrows loosen at the sense of being in the darkness again. “Buck.” Eddie reaches forward, pressing the back of his hand to Bucks forehead. “You're burning up. You're sick, oh my god, why didn’t I realize sooner.”
Buck swatted away his hand, groaning as he rolled back over to look at Eddie. Only one eye managed to open up, with a struggle of course. “No, I’m just-” He lets out a cough which proceeds into a couple sneezes. “Fuck. I’m fine Eddie. Go hm-”
The big 6ft, can handle anything, man before him can barely string out a sentence without having a coughing fit. Eddie felt his heart crack at the thought that Buck was gonna suffer through this alone. “Nope. I’m here now.” His hand, which was swatted away before, is now gently combing back sweaty curls that had been plastered to his head. “Ok, I’m gonna go grab some things. You stay right here ok.” As if on auto control now, Eddie leans down and presses a gentle kiss to the top of Buck’s head.
He tucks Buck back into the blankets, mind running a mile a minute as he starts to think of all the things Buck needs right now. A small little kiss is the last thing he can even fathom to think of right now.
____
The room is dark, except for a small orange hue glowing from a chair at the side of his bed. Wait, Buck didn’t put that there. He swears he got home and just blacked out once he hit the bed. The only rational thing he can think of is that someone has broken in and dragged a chair into his room. To do what, well he can't think that far yet.
As Buck rolls over to confront said burglar, a soft gentle voice echoes in his head. “Silvertounge sounded hoarse, quite unlike himself, as if when he’d lost-” Buck knows that voice, he craves to hear that voice all the time. He lets out a soft smile, wiggling himself into the bed more. He lets the voice lull him back into sleep, into the darkness.
___
Eddie watches, as Buck groans slowly, stretching his entire body. He winces hearing some cracking noises as he settles back into reality. “Morning sunshine.”
Buck smiles, looking up at Eddie, who’s sitting right against the side of the bed. He gave up on giving Buck his space when during the night, Buck, in his sick state, fumbled in the bed grabbing at Eddie. “Eddie, you're here.” It almost sounded, adoration, like he wasn’t expecting it but always was in a way.
“Yeah bud. I’m here.” He turns to the side, grabbing the glass of cold water he figured Buck would need after waking up. “Sit up.” Eddie helps pull Buck up to a somewhat sitting position and gently tips the glass against his lips.
After what feels like eternity, Buck gulps back the last of the water, grinning as Eddie sets the empty glass aside. “Were you reading to me?”
Shit, he hoped Buck wasn’t fully aware for that. It’s been almost a whole day since Eddie decided to pick up the book he was reading from last time. The time when reading was the only thing he could think of to stay in the moment and not over think what was truly happening in front of him. “Yeah.” He rubbed a hand across the back of his neck, praying Buck wouldn’t remember the other thing he did.
Buck laughs, leaning his head against Eddie’s arm. “That was the book you read last time we were like this wasn’t it. The time when I was going through my withdrawals.”
Eddie nods his head, looking down at Buck who seems content with his answer. “You know I haven’t opened it since. I didn’t want to- no that’s wrong. What I mean is, I didn’t want to be the one to read it. I feel like it would have been, I don't know, depressing.”
His heart flutters. Buck wanted him to be the one to read it. Couldn’t even put himself through picking it up, either from the awful memories linking to the book, or maybe, and Eddie prays, it’s because Buck wanted to hear the words flow out from Eddie himself. “Oh yeah.”
“Hmm.”
They sit there, in the little bit of light coming from under the blinds. Eddie shuts his eyes, focusing on the sound of Buck breathing. It still sounds crackly from coughing so much. Warmth still radiated from him, but he was less sweaty. The curls had finally dried and were now a big frizzy mess. Eddie wanted to laugh, but he found it too adorable and sweet how cuddly someone could look. Even when you know how sick they are and probably don't want to hear that.
“How long have I been sleeping?”
Eddie flipped over his phone, glancing at the time. “I’d say it’s almost been 24 hours since I showed up to what I thought was gonna be a murder site with the way everything was dark and silent.”
Buck sat up, blinking back at Eddie. “What? I’ve been sleeping that long. Wait, where’s Chris. Please don’t tell me you left him alone for-” in his speed to sit up, his lungs protest with a loud coughing fit. “Sorry.”
Without thinking Eddie runs his hand through Buck’s hair again. “Don’t apologize. Lay back down.” Buck slowly settles himself back onto his pillow. “You were dead to the world a couple hours ago, so I made a quick run to get Chris. He’s hiding out in his room, probably playing some game again. God it’s like I barely interrupted his flow. I was gonna go make him some dinner shortly, do you feel up to eating?”
Buck’s eyes, which had closed who knows when, fluttered open again. “Oh. Um, maybe just a little bit. I’ll come out there though, maybe get some fresh air.”
Eddie nodded his head, immediately taking Buck’s hand into his hand. The pair slowly make their way out of the bed, Eddie not wanting Buck to move so fast and get dizzy or make another headache show up.
He ignored the thumping of his heart, getting to hold Bucks hand like this as they walked down the hall into the living room. He ignores the flutter, as Buck grabs his arm while lowering himself down onto the couch. He resists the urge to plant a kiss onto Buck’s slightly pink but more pale than anything, lips.
“Thanks, Eds.”
As he makes his way into the kitchen, he can hear the sniffling and coughing continue on. Eddie sighs and starts dinner. Chris had said whatever is fine, which ok thanks for the help kid. He decides to just toss together a soup that Abuela used to make him all the time as a kid whenever he was feeling under the weather.
Ever since Buck moved into this place, Eddie has been over too many times to count. It’s nice coming to a different house, not seeing the mess of his own, and having somewhere to relax with his family. Don’t get him wrong, the apartment where Buck used to live was nice, but it just wasn’t Buck. This house though, it’s got the cozy edges that scream Buck. The way he’s come into himself after getting this house. He’s more confident in the way he lives. Eddie can see it. He’s been watching Buck for years, he can see every little change in him.
Making the soup is easy, after being shown around this kitchen so many times, he can find everything so quick. Within minutes the soup is cooked, ready to be eaten and the dishes have all been cleaned up.
Eddie pours 3 bowls for them, setting them all to the side for now. He makes his way down the spare room, which at this point is Chris’ extra bedroom. “Dinner’s ready. Abuela’s soup, and no I did not burn it.”
Chris groans as he gets up from his chair. “Is Buck alive? He came back to the land of the living.”
He laughs, letting Chris walk ahead of him. “Yes. He’s still quite sick though. In the living room right now though, I'm gonna see if I can get him to eat some food. Wanna sit with us?”
Chris grabs his bowl of soup and plops himself down at the table. “No thank you. I’d rather starve than be in the same room with you two,” he pretends to gag, “especially if you're feeding him.”
“Fine, go say hi though. Make it known that you're alive and well too. You know he asked about you when he woke up, thought I left you at home alone to suffer”
Chris huffs a laugh, hiding his smile. “I’m suffering just being in the same house as the two of you. I would have been fine on my own by the way.” Eddie watches him make his way into the living room. A smile lifting his face as he hears the happy tone of Buck’s voice at the sight of Chris.
He gathers 2 spoons, and a tray from the pantry. By the time Chris comes back from the chat with Buck, Eddie is slowly inching his way with the soup. He rolls his eyes as Chris stifles a laugh. “Don’t even start, boy.”
___
Buck managed to eat half his bowl of soup, with a lot of help from Eddie. Not that he’s complaining. Feeding Buck always makes him feel all fluttery and melt into a puddle of goop. Being this close to him, having Buck fully trust Eddie to just feed him whatever he offers. It’s so sickingly domestic.
Chris had come out after he finished his food, lounged on the couch beside Buck for a while. The two of them chatting up a storm, while watching some documentary they’d been putting aside for a while now. Eddie sat on the side, glancing up every so often from his crossword at the sound of Buck coughing, or groaning from said cough. And every time Buck would look back and smile. It hurt so much, but Eddie would give anything to keep this moment forever.
Seeing the two people he loves the most, huddling close as they share fun facts with one another. He wants to have this forever, being old and grey, watching the two of them no matter what the ages are. He craves to have this, and more. More than he could ever dream. Eddie feels his smile falter, looking away from the two before tears start coming out.
By the end of the night, Chris is stifling each yawn into his shoulder. Buck, who’s a grown man, is doing the exact same. “Ok my boys. Both of you, up. Bed time. Chris, say goodnight. Buck, let me go clean up the bedroom a bit and then we can get you back under some fresh sheets.”
leaves the room, very clearly ignoring Chris and his looks. He focuses on picking up all the random tissues Buck had tossed everywhere in his sleep. It doesn’t take very long for him to have the sheets changed, room spritzed with a little bit of room spray, and a fresh glass of water sitting on the side table. “Trying to impress me, I see.”
He umps, turning around to see the pale sickly figure of Buck, leaning against the door frame. “Buck! I thought I told you to stay put.” Eddie crosses his arms, huffing as he stands in front of him.
“I was lonely out there.” He puts on a show, by sticking out his bottom lip, widening his eyes almost making them as if he were a puppy begging to be fed the extra scraps from under the table. “I’m fine Eddie.” He grins, eyes tracking Eddie as he pulls back the covers and drags him over.
Eddie feels himself roll his eyes, still lovingly helping the poor sick man get back into bed. “You're not very good at listening to instructions while you're sick, are you.”
Within a split second, something flashes across Buck's face. Something so small and minuscule Eddie can’t quite pinpoint what it was or what it meant. “Ha, yeah guess the old nogging is catching up with my age.”
“Oh please. Buck stop calling yourself old. Until I see a grey hai-” Buck scrambles to cover Eddie's mouth with his hand. He can feel himself gulp, enjoying the warmth touching his lips way too much.
Buck lifts a finger to his own mouth. “Hush Eddie. You're gonna jinx me. The universe listens, you know.”
He laughs, slowly peeling Buck's hand away, although not letting go. Just holding it, enjoying the proximity. “Right, ok. Lay down you big goofball.” Eddie gently pushes down on Buck’s chest, making him lay flat on the bed. He can almost feel a jolt of energy surging through his body at just the simple touch of his chest.
Buck rolls his eyes, smile softening as Eddie tucks the blanket around him. “I’ll be here in the chair again if you need anything.” He’s about to make himself comfortable, when a hand reaches out, stopping him.
“Can you-” He looks sheepish, almost afraid to ask what he wants. “Stay? Beside me?” Buck pats the empty spot beside him, those baby blue whispering to him. Eddie, being the stupid lovesick guy he is, nods and slowly slides under the covers beside Buck. “Read to me?”
“Of course Buck.” Eddie grabs the book from before off the chair, slowly opening the pages. His breath stutters before relaxing as Buck lays his head across Eddie’s chest. He prays Buck can’t hear the deep thumping of his heart. “-for a few terrible ,moments they seemed to be coming-”
As he starts reading, Buck hums quietly with content. His breathing starts to even out more the deeper and deeper he falls into slumber. Eddie glances away from the page, smiling at Buck who’s out for the count. He presses a soft kiss to the top of his head, tucking the book away for later. “Goodnight Buck.” He then feels his eyes flutter shut.
That night he dreams of a life like this. Gentle nights with the two of them, holding each other close as they share secrets under the blankets. Moments shared in the darkness of their bedroom that only the two of them have access to. Eddie remembers at one point in the night, wrapping his arms around Buck, pulling him close to his heart, almost as if he was protecting him from the outside world.
Sure Eddie will end up hating himself for being so selfish in the morning, taking advantage of Buck when he’s so sick like this. But for the moment, he’s going to relish in this peace. This warmth. This honest to God, earth shattering love they have for one another.
______
Eddie woke up to someone lightly tapping his shoulder. He blinked away the sleep, glancing up at the hand that would not stop tapping. “Chris?” He rubbed away at his eyes, smiling at the figure of his son becoming clear.
“Hey, sorry to wake you up. The bus didn’t show up, do you think you could drive me to school?”
Fuck, Eddie went to sit up so fast, but something large weighed him down. The thing on top of him crumbled and tightened its grip around Eddie’s waist. "Ok, uh give me a minute to peel him off me.” Eddie slowly ran a hand through Buck's hair, smiling down at him. “You can go get into the truck, I’ll be there shortly.”
He watched Chris shuffle softly out of the room and down the hall. “Buck.” He whispered gently down to Buck. “I have to take Chris to school. I’ll be right back.” He slowly, and with so much pain, managed to peel Buck off him. The second he was released from the tight grip, Buck rolled over, curling into himself, muttering things as he fell back into his slumber.
Eddie basically ran out of the room, searching for his keys and shoes. He was out the door and into the truck within a couple minutes. Chris sat there smiling, eyes looking up at his hair. “You're lucky none of the PTA moms are gonna see you like this.”
He flipped open the mirror, silently gasping at the state of his hair. Buck must have clung to every single part of Eddie in his sleep. The hair is all over the place, flattened in some parts, sticking up in others. There’s crease lines down his entire face from being smushed into the pillow. At the corner of his mouth is a little bit of dried drool. “Right, um school then.”
Eddie bit back a smile as he drove. Every so often he’d get a glance of his hair in the mirror, the brightest pink flushing along his cheeks. Chris at this point had just straight up started ignoring whatever was going on with Eddie. The radio played at a low volume, enough to be heard but also not enough to be so loud for this early in the morning.
All he could think about while pulling up to the front of the school, waving goodbye to his son, is how much he desperately wants to crawl back into bed. Grinning as Buck latches himself back onto Eddie, never ever wanting him to let go. If they could, Eddie would glue himself to Buck for eternity.
The drive back to Buck’s place felt like such a long time. He could almost feel himself shake with energy. The urge to just slam on the gas and get back home sooner was speaking to him way too much. Luckily he, had that better voice in his head saying to clam the fuck down and get there safely. Speeding equals car crash, a car crash equals possibly life alerting moment where he would be in a world without his Buck.
The truck basically slid into the driveway, Eddie fumbling to throw himself inside the house. He was so quick and ready to get back in the warmth of Buck’s arms, he almost forgot to turn the engine off.
“Buck.” He whispered into the darkness of the bedroom. Eddie started pulling his socks off, tossing on some other clothes and crawled back under the blankets.
Buck must have sensed there was someone in the room with him because he gasped for air, flinging his arms up. “Hey, hey it’s just me.”
Eddie grabbed his hands, pulling them close to his heart. “Eddie?”
“Yeah I’m here now. Go back to sleep.” He pressed his lips against Buck's head.
Buck nuzzled in closer to Eddie, basically trying to crawl into his skin. Eddie laughed delicately, shutting his eyes as the warmth surrounded the two of them. “I’m glad it's you.” The words were spoken so faintly that he almost didn’t hear them, but he did.
Buck had spoken into his chest, on the ledge of falling into the deep end, he managed to say that. So now with him knocked out cold, laying on Eddie’s chest, he begins to wrack his brain about what that means.
Did he mean it like, hey thanks dude for watching over me while I'm sick, glad it’s you taking care of me. Or like did he mean it in the way that Eddie prays he meant it. Like, I’m glad it’s you who I’ve been searching my whole life for.
___
The two have been up for a couple hours now. Buck has been banished from the kitchen after he tried to help, like physically help Eddie make some lunch. Eddie shoved him into the living room, and tossed the remote at him. “Watch that movie you’ve been dying to watch. I do not need your help in the kitchen. You're still sick anyways.”
It took everything in Eddie to not get down on his knees at the sight of Buck pouting, hanging his head low.
So here he is now, lunch made and served. Buck hasn’t said a peep the entire time, which should be concerning, but Eddie knows that if he gives Buck directions, he will follow them. It’s something he’s noticed over the years. Eddie is really the only one who can get Buck into line. Honestly it's hot how fast and quick Eddie can basically snap his fingers and Buck will listen.
“Ok here. Lunch is served.” He grins, setting down the plate of food in front of Buck. Eddie sits himself right down alongside Buck. He begins eating his own food, pausing to see Buck not moving. “Buck?”
Buck turns to Eddie, nose a deep red, eyes drowning in tears. “Woah woah, hey.” He rushes to set his plate down, cupping Buck's face into the palm of his hands. ‘What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
Buck hiccups, eyes darting down to his lap and back up to lock in eye contact with Eddie. “You, just this.” He sighs, sucking in his bottom lip. “I tried so hard to hide this. For years I’ve always done this alone. Didn’t care to have someone doting on me. Had to do things on my own. Not anyone’s fault, just had to learn it’s better that way.”
He pauses to sniffle and hiccup again. Eddie absently rubs his thumb side to side, catching on the tears that have started to slide down. “Then you- yeah. You're this great, strong, super dad who just shows up for everyone. I pushed you away that entire shift, how did you know?”
Eddie smiles sadly, resisting the urge to kiss that bright flushed birthmark. “Buck, we’ve been in each other’s orbit for years now. If a speck of dust is off, either one of us will notice. I have your back, you have mine, remember.”
He smiles, almost leaning more into Eddie’s hand. “My parents, well you know them. How absent they were my entire childhood. It was deeply the opposite during the times I was sick.” He shut his eyes, a sadness washing onto his face. “They made me treat myself better when I could barely get out of my bed. I would get awfully sick, to the point where the idea of even moving from the post would make me hurl. Maddie never knew any of this of course. I get they were scared of me turning out the same way as Daniel, but I just wish I could have had a normal time. I’ve been afraid to ask anyone for help ever since.”
“Oh Buck.” Eddie wraps his arms around Buck, pulling him in. He feels the deepest sigh of relief from Buck. The hiccupping dies down the longer they stay like this. “I’m sorry you’ve felt like you had to do this alone. I’m here now. I’ll always be here, no matter what.”
He feels Buck nod into his arms.
They stay like that for a while longer. Just wrapped up in each other's arms, breathing now becoming one. Buck has stopped crying, and is now just sniffling from having a stuffed nose. He’ll push himself further into Eddie’s grasp, making his heart thump harder and harder.
Sitting here, looking down at the love of his life who just confessed something big that’s affected him his entire life. It screams at Eddie. It makes him want to give something back to Buck. He clears his throat, making Buck lift his head up. Eye so blue Eddie swears he can see his own reflection in them.
“Thank you for telling me that.” He pauses, making Buck fully sit up again. Confusion wipes across his face. “I want to- no I need to tell you something.”
“Is everything ok Eddie?”
“I hope it will be.” He takes Buck's hands into his own, a soft hitch of breath coming from Buck. He shuts his eyes, replaying the words he mesmerized over and over in his head. “There’s something I’ve been struggling with for a while. It probably shouldn’t have taken this long to tell you but here we are, and don’t take it the wrong way at all.”
Buck nodded, letting Eddie continue. “Gonna copy you by saying, you know how my parents are about, really everything.” He smiled lightly. “ They have these ideas and views of what I should be like. What my life should look like according to them. For the longest time I always followed their rules, but as I’ve gotten older I strayed from their path, their idea of MY future.
Now being a parent myself, I don’t know how they did that all my life. I can’t bare the thought of making Chris forced to be a certain way just for my sake. It’s taken a lot of overthinking, and talking with my therapist. Yes I am seeing one now, it was definitely needed for this next step in my life.”
He watched as Buck tilted his head, hands still being held in Eddie’s. “I wanna start with how much I appreciate and care for you. No, like genuinely, you are the person I search for in everything. Everything I do, I think of you and how much you’d care about it, or those nonsense words you somehow manage to pair perfectly. Buck you're my best friend, my partner in crime, my other half. Without you I wouldn’t have even gotten here. You have saved my life more than once and I can never stop thanking you for it.”
He reached his hand up along Buck’s arm, feeling as the goosebumps ran across his entire body. “I’ve always had this idea of the perfect family being the white picket fence, coming home to the wife and kids. Buck, ever since you came along, I’ve forgotten about that. My idea of the perfect family is the one we have right now, right here. Working those long shifts, picking up Chris from school, together. Coming home, preferably one, and just being in each other's space. Buck no matter how hard I try, I really didn’t try at all, I can’t get over you. You are it for me. My one and only. The person I love the most. The one I want to spend the rest of my days, laying in bed together, laughing in the darkness over shared secrets. Having those you and I moments that are only ours.”
He could now feel himself tearing up, saying this all out loud in front of Buck. “Eddie, what-you-”
“I’m gay Buck, probably have been my entire life. Guess I just needed you to show up for me to realize it. I'm so gay and deeply in love with you.”
Eddie sat there, arm frozen against Bucks, watching as the words dawning on his face. “Y-you love me?” It was now his turn to start crying. “Oh Eddie, I’ve been in love with you for so long. God I love you too.”
“Yeah?” Eddie smiled, wiping the tears from both their faces.
Buck huffed a laugh. “Honestly I don’t know what it’s like to not be in love with you.”
Eddie leaned in, pressing his forehead against Buck's. “You have no idea how long I've been wanting to tell you. Every moment I spent with you, I could feel the words on the tip of my tongue, screaming at me to just let it all out.”
“Aww me too. Ever since I realized it, I’ve been so wary about the things I say around you. Can I ask, what took you so long though. I feel I was making it very obvious most of the time. Chris even figured it out, straight up one day asked if I love you while hopping out of the truck one morning drop off.”
He laughed, nuzzling his nose against Buck’s. “Really, and here I was thinking you’d look at me differently if I told you. I always had this little voice in the back of my head saying that what we have will be ruined. That you’d never want to talk, or see me ever again.”
Buck pulled back, eyes darting across Eddie’s face. “Baby there’s no universe where I wouldn’t be in love with you. You showed up at my doorstep, when I pushed you away, to nurse me back to health. You brought me into Chris’ life when I needed it the most. Eddie, you have done so much for me over the years, I still wake up everyday praying this isn’t a dream.”
“I love you.”
Buck grinned, hands cupping Eddie’s face. “I love you too. Forever and always.” The two leaned in, lips ghosting over one another. Eddie took a deep breath before shutting his eyes and leaning in further. That’s when he felt Buck pull away. Immediately his heart shattered. “Oh.”
“Wait, no. I swear I want to kiss you badly. I want to ruin you for anyone else, but baby, I’m still sick. I don’t want you getting, whatever this is. After I get better we can kiss, I promise.” He paused, pressing a gentle kiss onto Eddie’s hand. “We can do a lot more than kissing.”
Eddie felt his face flush red, a small giggle slipping out. “Wait, I have an idea.” He shot up off the couch and ran into the kitchen. He began rummaging through the drawers, on a mission to find what he needed. Desperate, he found the container within seconds.
“Ok, I need you to trust me.” He shouted from the kitchen, listening for Buck’s voice.
He chuckled. “I trust you with my life Eddie, but sure.”
“Hush, just close your eyes for me. Don’t open them until I say so, got it.”
“Sir yes sir.” Eddie swears he could hear the whoosh of a hand saluting from the couch. He rolled his eyes, slowly making his way back over to Buck.
Eddie pulled out what he needed, holding back another giggle as he stood looming over Buck. “God I hope this works out like I want it to.”
“You tying me down, Diaz.”
“Buckkkk, stop.” Eddie would be lying if that didn’t turn him on a little bit. No, he must see this through. He set the container aside, holding up the clear plastic. “Ok, just let me take the lead on this one.”
Buck hummed, hands in his lap as he sat ever so patient. Eddie smiled, before leaning in. The plastic from the cling wrap sticking to his lips. Buck squeaked at the feeling, before melting into a mess. The feeling was off, but god did it work wonders. He sat down on Buck’s lap, almost giggling as Buck’s hands gripped onto his waist. Eddie held the cling wrap harder, almost whining as Buck’s lips moved more. He craved to feel more, to want more, but this worked for now. They could kiss and not get one another sick.
After what felt like not long enough they finally pulled apart for air. Buck blinked open his eyes, cheeks a deep pink from, well all of it. “Where in god's name did you pull that idea from.”
Eddie laughed, still dizzy from the kiss. “Some show my sister used to watch. This baker dude, he had this power to bring back dead things which included people. His childhood crush died during a vacation, as an adult of course. So he brought her back to life, they get into this weird relationship, and like he can’t ever touch her again because then she’ll be dead, for good. Anyways, she makes the first move and kisses him with the plastic wrap.”
“And since you're sick and won't kiss me till you better, which is first so rude, and secondly, I have been dying to kiss you for the longest time. You think I, Eddie Diaz, could wait longer knowing you love me just as much as I love you, and NOT kiss you.”
Buck laughed, pulling Eddie into his arms. “You're too cute.” He nuzzled his nose into Eddie’s neck. “You’ll get plenty of kisses from now on, no more dreaming. You will get whatever you want. For the rest of our lives.”
God that’s truly what he’s been searching for hasn’t it. Someone to love and hold you through the best and worst of times. A partner who has you back, even if it’s not needed. Someone who loves you for your silly ideas and dreams. Someone who loves you for who you truly are.
“Good, because I don’t want to keep kissing my future husband with cling wrap. This flu of yours better hurry up and get out of here. I’ve been a repressed gay man for my entire life, I have needs you know.”
Buck laughed. It sent vibrations down Eddie’s entire body. “Fu-husband? God I love you.”
“Love you too.” Eddie smiled so much it hurt. But in the best possible way.
____
A week later Eddie ended up getting the same flu. The entire time Buck was there to bring him soup in bed, and plastic wrap kisses. “I told you babe, you were gonna get sick, but noooo, you just had to have that kiss.”
“Yeah yeah, just get your ass back into bed.”
Buck barked out a laugh, slipping under the covers, snuggling close into his boyfriend's arms. Of course neither of them would ever go back and erase how it happened. If Buck could, he’d freeze framed that moment and have it play every fucking day. But then again, he gets to create new ones like these, listening to Eddie read from their book, in their bed, together.